I’m not Sleeping Alone.

            I sighed and placed the ring beside the silver charm bracelet that lay on the dresser. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to get rid of the memory that threatened to invade my mind.

            “Oh Josh,” she whispered as she opened the velvet lined box and saw the silver bracelet lying on the cushion. I smiled slightly and nodded, taking the bracelet from the box and clasping it gently onto her wrist.

            “It belonged to my great-grandmother,” I said and kissed her forehead, “I hope you like it.”

            “Like it? Josh, I love it,” she said softly and leaned forward to kiss me gently. I smiled against her lips and pushed a strand of hair from her eyes.

            “Well good,” I said into her ear, “Because she told me to give it to the woman who I knew would treasure it as much as I her.”

            “It’s beautiful,” she said and looked up at me, “I will treasure it forever, like I will treasure your love.”

            I opened my eyes again and saw the jewellery still there, it hadn’t moved. I had given her the bracelet on her first birthday we had spent together, and ever since then on every special occasion I had added a charm, to make it hers. I sighed and hazily leaned back on the dresser, taking in deep breaths.

            It was last Christmas, when she had been expecting another charm, that she received a ring instead. A ring that was my heart and life, it had represented how much she had meant to me, both inside and out.

            It had been a few days since I last saw her, and I wondered what had gone wrong. Right now I was supposed to be a husband, someone’s life line. But I wasn’t, I was still a bachelor.

            “Will you marry me?” I asked her, looking up into her eyes as I laid my head on her lap. She laughed softly, her soft curls falling back onto her shoulders as she did so, and shook her head.

            “Be serious Josh,” she said softly and I slowly sat up, digging into one of my pockets.

            “I am,” I said and produced what I was searching for before placing it on the cushion that lay on her lap. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and well, there’s no one else in the world I would want to have my children than you.”

            “You want me to have your children?” she asked as she picked up the box and opened it with a shocked smile. I nodded slowly and cupped her face in my hands.

            “Yeah,” I replied, “So I’m asking you again, will you marry me?” She looked up at me, and allowed her eyes to find mine.

“Yes,” was all she said, and it was enough to convince me forever.

I slowly backed away from the dresser and headed towards the bathroom, my eyes never wandering from the dresser, as tears fell freely down my face. I rubbed them away roughly, and let my hand fall back down to my side, searching for the doorknob.

Finally, my hand touched the door knob of the bathroom door, and I was able to turn away and walk into the bathroom, softly shutting the door behind me.

            I walked over to the sink and looked in the mirror, I was a mess. My hair was mangled and I hadn’t shaved in days. I was still wearing the suit from the wedding, and it was creased and crimpled. I didn’t see the need in making myself presentable to anyone, besides I hadn’t left the house in days.

            I ran a hand over my face and scratched my chin. I yawned and ran a hand through my hair, as it got tangled in mass of knots. I placed both hands on the counter and looked at the mess around the sink, trying to locate my toothbrush.

            Then I saw it, the white and blue toothbrush that I owned, I reached out to pick it up and found my hand stopping mid way. I noticed it, the pink and purple one that lay next to mine. In the same place it had been left just a few days prior, right next to mine.

            I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. Another memory wanted to come and occupy my mind. The memory of the day she moved in, placing all her things here and there. At first it had been annoying, but now I couldn’t live without them. Her female habits had sort of become a second nature to me.

            “God please don’t fill my bathroom with everything pink,” I called after her as she hurried into the bathroom with a box filled with her supplies. I heard her laugh echoing from the room, before she poked her head around the door and shook her head, smiling at me.

            “Josh, you have to learn to compromise,” she said with a smile before disappearing back into the bathroom. “Besides we can’t have everything in this house looking as if it came from the dead zone can we?” She laughed then, and I found myself smiling at how right she was.

            “It’s not a dead zone!” I called after her through my own laughter. She laughed back, and reappeared, stepping fully into the room.

            “Yes it is,” she grinned and crawled up onto the bed to lay next to me. “But there are some dead zone things I can live with.”

            “Like what?” I asked with a smirk.

She giggled, placing a kiss on my chin, “Like you.”

            I shook the memory away and forced myself to pick up my toothbrush. I brushed my teeth slowly, and once I was done quickly exited the bathroom. I couldn’t stand there with all the memories haunting.

            I let myself back into the bedroom and decided to change into something more comfortable. I stepped out of the suit that reminded me so much of why I had become the way I was.

I reluctantly changed into my favourite pair of sweats and my NY Fire Department shirt.  I stretched and yawned and slowly padded my way over to the bed. It was cluttered in clothes and photos. More memories that I really didn’t want to spend more time musing over.

I climbed into my side of the bed, and looked to my left, where she would have been lying and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to come.

            “Josh?”

“Mmm?” I asked sleepily, I felt lips brush softly against mine and a hand fall on my chest.

“Josh, I can’t sleep,” she whispered in my ear. I sighed, and opened one eye and looked at her. She looked gorgeous, in her light blue t-shirt.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, and yawned as I opened both my eyes and sat up on one elbow. She smiled and kissed me again before answering.

“I missed you,” she said softly, I laughed lightly and wrapped an arm around her waist before pulling her close to me.

“We just closed our eyes like an hour ago,” I laughed and kissed her forehead.

“I know,” she smiled and looked up at me, “But I still missed you.” I smiled at her, and brought our lips together in a kiss, I didn’t tell her then, but I missed her too.

I tightly closed my eyes and lay my head down on the pillow, this was not happening to me. I wouldn’t let it, but it was. I sighed heavily and prayed for sleep to come but it didn’t.

 I lay there and worried if all this was supposed to happen, if it was somehow fate and I regretted that because what we’d had was real. It was like a sort of fantasy I  had been trapped in and still was unwilling to let go of, but had to.

“We’ll be together forever right?” she asked with innocent eyes, I smiled back at her and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“Of course,” I said softly before kissing her, “What makes you ask that?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder, “It’s just that sometimes things this good don’t last forever.”

I laughed lightly and shook my head before answering her, “Well you know what?” she shook her head. “This is meant to last forever, because half of me is you, everything I own.”