Ana’s POV in her journal

May 6, 2006

Ok so it’s been almost a month since I have talked to him. Johnny has tried like crazy to get me to talk to him. I just can’t. I am sure your wondering what happened at the hotel where he was waiting for me. Honestly I don’t really remember anything I pushed him out of the way and went into my room. I put my ipod on and began to write. I do some of my best thinking when I write. I know I might be acting childish and not wanting him around me just. I don’t know what else to do. I had strong feelings for him and now I am quitting cold turkey. But seriously how do you quit caring about someone? How do you just let go what you feel for someone? Aud has really been there for me lately and I know it’s not easy. My nephew is so freaking adorable I mean I love that kid already. I can’t believe Aud hid that part of her life from me for so long. Then again who am I to judge I hid something from her as well. Johnny found me a therapist to talk to. At first I was very skeptical to open and talk to a stranger. But it was unbelievably easy to talk to a complete and total stranger. This person was there to help me and help get through my issues. I was finally ready to admit to myself that I needed help. But most important I needed to start loving myself.

LA Ana’s New House

Wednesday, May 7, 2006

"So you like your new digs or what?"

"Aud this house is awesome it’s not too big and it’s not too small its just right for me."

"Well I am glad that you like it. I am also glad that JC has these great friends to help you move."

"Yes How bout I cook dinner for all of you guys?"

"A free meal oh you know I am in."

"Yes, Joey we know you never turn down a free meal."

"You know what Chris bite me."

"So anyway Joey will Kelly and Brianna be joining us?"

"You know what I’ll call her and have join us. I think she’d like to meet the one denying Justin."

"Oh um ok I have to go buy the groceries for dinner. Um hey Sean I need to go to the store will you be joining me?"

"You know you are not allowed out alone any more."

"I know I just wanted to see if maybe I could go out without a chaperone."

"I’m sorry girl I know it must suck. Come on lets go."

"Aud do you need anything from the store?"

"Actually I am ok."

"Please make sure he’s not in my house. I’m not ready to see him yet even though I know I am going to have to."

"Sweetie just get over it really you need him in your life."

"Aud don’t start with me please. I know what I need in my life and when I am ready to admit I will."

"Fine go we’ll be here. Oh you wanna take Damien with you."

"Hey D you wanna come with auntie to the store?"

"Yes go to store with auntie."

"Come on lil man let’s go to the store. If you’re a good boy auntie will buy you something."

"Oh don’t you even think of buying him another toy."

"Me spoil my nephew that would be unheard of."

Aud laughed as she watched her son walk away with her best friend. Aud was really upset with Ana and how she had been treating Justin. He had been at her’s and JC’s place everyday since Ana let him go. He was really torn up about the end of what ever it was they had. Sure when he had to be out in public he put on the ‘Timberlake’ charm. But once he was alone he was depressed. He knew he fucked up when invited Cameron to her party. Aud explained that was the worst kind of betrayal you could do to her. Justin had literally slapped her in the face without making contact. Aud knew that if his feelings weren’t true he wouldn’t be feeling the way he was. Aud knew that Justin was an important figure in her life and she was going to be the one to make sure she knew.

"So D what do you want from the store?"

"Ish cream."

"Oh ok what flavor do you want?"

"Umm I likey chocolate."

"Alright lil man you get chocolate. So Sean ever want a family?"

"Yeah someday I want it all but hey I’m still young right?"

"Your right."

"What bout you ma’am?"

"Sean you know better than to call me that. But yeah someday I see myself leaving this life behind and having it all."

"What’s all?"

"I want the kids, the husband, and the house with the white picket fence."

"So given this much thought?"

"Yeah I think bout it all the time. All I really need is to find the right guy to have it all with."

"Well what about Justin?"

"At some point I thought he would be but you know what things changed. Sean I can’t believe how much I like having you around."

"Well like I said you really are easier to watch over than Timberlake."

"Well Sean like I said I want to have you around as long as I’m in this business."

"Well here we are don’t forget your cap and sunglasses."

"You know what’s funny this is the dumbest disguise yet it works. But Sean looks the paparazzi is already here."

"Well just keep your head down and go straight in."

"Damn I wish they weren’t here I have D and I don’t want him exposed to this. Great freaking great."

"Auntie who are these people?"

"Just strangers and what did mommy say bout strangers?"

"No matter what no talk to strangers."

"Good lil man. Sean you keep him I am going to give them what they want. Usually I give in and they will go away ok."

"Alright I will keep an eye on you."

"I wouldn’t expect anything less from you."

"Ana! Ana! Over here look here!"

"Ok guys take your pictures and then I am going to go."

"Ana you look great. So who are you dating now?"

"Ok guys I am not dating anyone I am single."

"Ana who was the kid."

"That’s my nephew and that’s all I’ll say. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t use him. Seeing as you are getting what you want from me."

"Sure no problem."

"Alright guys get your shots cause I have a meal to make at home."

"Thank you Ana."

"No problem you guys have a good Wednesday."

"Thanks Ana again."

Ana went about her day and finished her shopping. She knew this wouldn’t last long someday they would be jerks. Someday all the things she was used to would come to an end. Someday she wouldn’t be able to go out in public with her nephew. Someday any person she was seen with she would be linked to. The world as she once knew it was going to end. The privacy she was accustomed to would come to an end soon.

"Ok we don’t have much time until she is gets back."

"So what do you want from us Aud."

"Look Ana loves J and she is not going to admit it to herself or anyone. Her birthday is this Saturday and this is where we will work our magic."

"Aud’s right J loves her too and we all know it. He has been bumming at all our houses this past month."

"So what are we going to do."

"Well I was thinking we have J come here and through her a surprise party alone. We all tell her something different that day. Just as long as J is the only one here for that party."

"So how do we convince him to come?"

"Please he’ll be the easiest one to convince."

"So we all know our rolls just make sure you’re believable."

Ana knew her 25 birthday was this weekend and she didn’t want a big deal made. She really wanted to relax at her knew home alone. She knew if Aud had her way a big deal would be made. But honestly she didn’t want it there wasn’t much for a celebration this year. The one thing ok the one person she wanted she’d never get him.

"Ok Ana make sure you are seat belted in. This damn photog won’t quit following us."

"Just be careful Sean please we have D back there."

"I will just stay seated."

"We will."

"Auntie I’m scared."

"Oh D don’t worry we are going to fine. Ok."

"Ok Auntie I just want mommy."

"I know baby I want mommy too. Oh god Sean look out."

That was the last thing she remembered. She unbuckled her seat belt fast enough to shelter Damien from getting hurt. But now she was in hospital laying there and no one knew when she’d wake up or if she would. She didn’t care what happened to her Damien was more important. Aud had intrusted her son to her and now she wasn’t sure what happened.

The Hospital

"Sean is she ok?"

"I don’t know Audrie. How is Damien?"

"Oh he’s fine just a few scratches and bruises."

"She put herself on top of him so that he wouldn’t get hurt. She sacrificed herself for him."

"She put herself in danger to save my son. Damn that girl."

"I know it was those damn photog hounds. I mean she did all but give them a sit down interview. I was trying to drive slow but they kept taking pictures. They blinded me with a flash when we hit a car. Aud I am so sorry."

"Oh Sean don’t be sorry you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t beat yourself up."

"Hi are you Audrie Belle?"

"Yes doctor I am please tell me how is she."

"I wish it were good news but I am sorry to say its not. You see suffered some really bad head damage. She broke four ribs, her leg had to have immediate surgery. I am sorry to say but she took quite the beating in this accident. I hear she was trying to save the little boy in the car."

"Oh yes my son."

"Well ma’am if she hadn’t done that I am unsure of who we’d be discussing here."

"Do you mean she might have just put her life in danger to save my sons?"

"Well to be honest with you ma’am she must care for him a great deal. Because yes if she hadn’t done that there is never a guarantee with seat belts or booster seats. She may have just risked her’s to save your son’s."

"I can’t believe she would do that I mean she really did that."

"Well she will have to stay in icu so we can monitor her."

"Oh yes doctor can she have visitors."

"I am pretty sure that would be ok. Talk to her let her know you’re here."

"Thank you doctor."

"Just remember one at a time."

"Aud we heard how is she?"

"She put herself in danger to save Damien. She risked her life to save my son’s."

"What?"

"If she hadn’t done what she did Damien might not be here."

"Oh sweetie come on lets go see her."

"Oh Josh I can’t lose her."

"Sweetie we won’t lose her. Ana’s going to fight for her life and she knows that."

All Aud could hope for was that JC was right. She had known Ana all her life and this was the first time she realized just how important she was. Aud knew that Ana was the most important person in her life. Aud wasn’t sure if she would make the same sacrifice for her. Aud was so much shock she wasn’t sure if she could see her best friend.

"Baby do you want me to come in with you?"

"Huh oh you can’t doctor said one at a time."

"Babe I’m going to call J I am sure he’d want to know."

"Huh oh yeah please call him."

"Be strong babe she’ll be ok."

"I hope your right."

"I am baby now go be with her."

Aud walked the hallway down to her friends room. She wasn’t sure she was ready to see what was behind the door. They had arranged for her to be in a private section seeing as how the photog asses caused her accident.

"Oh girl I am so sorry. Ana I love you more than anything you just have to come back to us. Ana I can’t believe you did that to save lil man. How am I ever going to thank you for this. Girl I can’t see you like this. You have to fight for this Ana fight for your life. Remember you are finally living your dream and your life how you want to. Please fight."

"Hello?"

"Hey Curly um I need to talk to you."

"Jayce can it wait I am working on something to win her back. I miss her."

"J I am calling cause Ana was in an accident on her way home."

"What! Don’t fucking joke like this JC! This is not fucking funny!"

"Justin this is the last thing I would joke about. She was in an accident and it wasn’t good. She suffered some pretty bad damage."

"Oh god Jayce I’ll be there soon. I have to get her something then I’ll be there I promise."

"Hurry J I think she’s going to need you more than ever."

Justin was scared now more than he ever had been. She hadn’t realized that she needed him and that’s what he needed. They hadn’t had the chance to really fall for one another. Every time they got close something happened. This was a girl he knew he could spend his life he just had to make her see that. This was the worst possible thing that could happen to her but it did. Now more than ever before was he going to be there for her.

"Josh did you call J?"

"Oh yeah hun he said he had to get her something then he’d be there. How is she?"

"Well nothing has changed but she looks so bad Josh. I don’t know what to do for her. This is the first time I am really not sure what to do."

"Oh baby you being here and caring enough to be here will show."

"Hey Aud where is she?"

"She’s in intensive care her room is 15. Talk to her J bring her back to us please."

"I am going to be her until that happens. I don’t care about my album or anything else. Ana is my number one priority."

"She needs now more than ever J."

Justin knew that Aud was telling him the truth. That if anyone knew Ana it was Aud and this is how he was going to be there. His heart was breaking for this girl he was falling in love with. Yes he was ready to fall in love with her as long as she was ready to have him.

"Oh Ana baby you need to come back to us. Baby I love you I hope you can hear me I love you. I am ready to fall in love with you. I am ready to be the man that you want me to be. I will go at what ever pace you want me to go at. Ana I love you with all my heart. If you can hear me please baby come back to us come back to me. Oh I brought your ipod so you can hear your music. Baby I am not going anywhere. I don’t care if they have to drag me out of here I am not leaving your side. I am going to be here when you wake up and if you want me to leave you can tell me."

Justin couldn’t help but cry when he looked at her. He would’ve willing switched places with her just so she could be ok. She didn’t deserve this she didn’t deserve to be lying here fighting for her life. He knew Johnny wasn’t going to be happy with him not going back into the studio. At this moment he didn’t care if that album never got released he just needed her to be ok. If she were ok a part of him would be ok. He called his mom to tell her what had happened. She was flying out to LA to be with him and help her. Justin knew she needed a mother figure in her life and he would happily share his. This was the girl he was going to marry she just didn’t know it yet.

"Aud what happened why is she the one laying here?"

"Those damn paparazzi kept following them. Well one of them flashed Sean while he was driving. Instead of staying in her seat she jumped to the back to protect Damien. She fucking risked her life to save the life of my boy. J she fucking risked death to save my baby. J I don’t deserve her as my friend."

"Aud she loves you and adores Damien. If I know her I know she wouldn’t feel the same if she didn’t protect him. If something like this had happened and she was ok she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. Aud you’re her best friend hell you two are more sisters. She did what she did and I know she would do it again. That’s just the type of person she is. She loves those around her and doesn’t want to see them hurt."

"Yeah she doesn’t want that but now look where she is. J she’s in there fighting for her life and who knows if she’ll be the same. J I just want to go back to those few hours where we were moving her into her new house. All of us plotting how to get you two into a room along together."

"Well we are in a room alone together."

"I know J but this isn’t the setting we all had in mind. Her 25th birthday is this Saturday we had planned to get ya’ll together."

"Really her birthday is this weekend?"

"Yeah what a happy birthday to her."

Two Weeks Later

Nothing had changed she was still in the same condition she was two weeks ago. Justin hadn’t left her side since she was admitted. No matter what his mom or Aud said he wasn’t going anywhere. When she woke up he wanted to be the first person she saw. For the last two weeks he had taken the opportunity to read to her. He sang to her every night before he fell asleep right by her side. His mom had sat with her telling her stories of Justin as a little boy. All those embarrassing stories he would make sure and tell her again. His heart was in pain cause she was in pain. The bruises and cuts were slowly starting to heal. But her leg was still in a cast and she would need rehab once she left. Justin and Johnny were fighting to get charges pressed against the photog who had caused the accident. Ana had only been in the music business a short time but in that time people had come to like her. Her room was covered in flowers and balloons all sending her a fast recovery. That’s all Justin was for her to come back to him. He was ready to be in love and he was ready to be with her.

Wednesday May 22, 2006

"Hey J you should really go home and shower get some rest."

"No Joey I am going to stay right here I want to be here when she wakes up. Besides they are letting me shower here see."

"Oh J come on lets go to the café and get some lunch. If you plan on being here you need to eat and keep your strength up."

"Fine if it will keep you off my back. Baby I’ll be right back I am going to get something to eat. The nurses know where to find me if something changes. I love you baby."

"You really love her don’t you?"

"I don’t think I knew what it was really like to give yourself to someone. You what I mean really give them everything you have."

"Well J I can see how you feel about her. I can honestly say that I haven’t seen you like this since well never."

"I loved Brit and Cam."

"I am not saying you didn’t love them cause you did. But J this is the first time I have seen you in complete love."

"What do you mean?"

"J this time around you are loving someone completely. You are ready to give yourself to this person. I mean your ready to give her your heart, mind, body and soul. That’s what I mean by completely."

"Wow Joe since you got married and had Bri you really have grown."

"Actually I see the way you look at her is the same I look at Kel. J just have a positive outlook and everything will be ok."

"Thanks Joe I really do care for more than I have any one else. She doesn’t know it yet but I have every intention to prove it to her. She is this girl that I barely know but I fell for her the instant I talked to her."

"I am sure that the moment she comes to that she will see it."

"That’s really what I am hoping for you know Joe. I just want to be to her what you are to Kel."

"Well J from what I see you are headed in the right direction. All you need is a girl who is awake."

"You funny Joe."

"I was just trying to get you to smile even if it was for second. Go on back in I’ll tell Aud you’re here."

"Thanks Joe."

"Hey babe I’m back I got some food in my tummy. Babe I love you and I just want you to wake up. Baby I need you to wake up I need you to see how much you mean to me. Ana I have never known the love that you bring out of me. I have this constant need to always wanna be by your side. To want to protect you from ever being hurt or angry. I know if and when we have a relationship we will have our fights. But that’s what makes making up so much fun. Ana I love you and I want you to know that. Ana baby! Ana! Nurse help!"

"Justin we are going to need you to wait outside."

"No I am waiting right here."

"Justin please let us do what we do. When we know what’s wrong we’ll go out there and tell you."

"Fine."

"Justin what’s wrong?"

"I don’t know Aud the machines just started going off. They wouldn’t let me stay by her. He said as soon as he knew something he’d be out here."

"Two weeks of this and nothing has changed. I hope she is waking up."

"Me too Aud I just want her to be ok."

"Audrie, Justin, please come with me."

"Doctor is she going to be ok?"

"Actually she woke up and her memory is kind of hazy. She remembers all the people in her life but she especially remembers you Justin. All the talking to her you have really stuck in her head. Like I said only answer what she asks you ok. Try not to stress her out or anything like that. She still needs her rest and needs to recover."

"So can we go in and see her?"

"Oh yes please keep it to a couple at a time."

"Thank you doctor riley."

"So what did he say."

"Well her memory is kind of hazy. We can only tell her what she asks us. We can go see her but only a couple at a time. So Justin, Damien, and I are going in."

"Alright that sounds fine."

"Aud girl how is. Oh Damien how are you?"

"He’s ok he’s just been asking for his auntie. Girl I missed you. I am so thankful for what you did. Girl we are going to talk."

"Yeah I kind of expected those words to leave your mouth. Hey J how are you doin?"

"I’m ok Ana how are you doing?"

"Uh Aud do you think you could give us some time to chat?"

"Oh sure we’ll be here ok."

"Yeah thanks. D I’ll see you in a little bit k."

"Ok auntie. I love you auntie."

"I love you to D."

"So what did you want to talk to me about."

"I heard everything you said to me. It was like I was here but I wasn’t at the same time. I mean I didn’t know how you really felt about me. J I am just I don’t have the words to tell you."

"Ana I have been trying to figure out the right time to tell you all this. I know my timing was well pretty bad but you have to know. That night of your party I was jealous that Channing was going with you. I was jealous that I am so in love with you and he gets your attention."

"J he was there to lend me support to tell you something that night. You see he was there for one reason and one reason only."

"Why?"

"He was there to be my friend cause he knew how I felt about you."

"Great if I didn’t feel like an ass before I sure do now."

"J I had been falling for you the more time we spent together. I mean I was falling for you so hard that I was scared that I was alone."

"But baby you weren’t alone."

"Yeah J I know that now but I didn’t know that then. J there is something I need to tell you but I don’t think this is the time or place."

"Actually no better time then the present right?"

"Ok well so the night of my party I was going to tell you. You see J there was something that I didn’t tell you. You um see I was when I was with Chad he well he raped me. I didn’t want to tell you cause I didn’t think you’d like me."

"Oh babe I love you and I mean that. Nothing you could do or say would change that. What happened to you shouldn’t have ever happened."

"J I don’t deserve you."

"Yes you do. Now why did you do what you did in the car?"

"Oh I didn’t want anything to happen to D while he was with me. I honestly didn’t think I would end up this bad. I love that lil boy and I didn’t want him to get hurt."

"Well he didn’t he only ended up with some scratches and bruises. The doctor said if it wasn’t for you he might have gotten hurt. So in a way you actually saved him but you well I think you know where I’m going with this."

"I don’t know why I did part of me did it for him. Well the other part did it cause I don’t know why."

"Ana tell me something did you try to. I can’t even say it."

"J I think I wanted to. I think I was tired of living this life alone although I am never alone."

"Why would you do that Ana?"

"I was ashamed of myself Justin. I was to the point that I wasn’t happy with me. More important I wasn’t ready for the world to know my secrets."

"Hun nothing is worth taking your life. Ana I want you to know that I am here whether you want me are not."

"Uh about that all the stuff you said to me did you really mean it?"

"Ana I am here when you are ready. I think you should concentrate on recovery and then we can talk."

"Justin thank you for being here it really means a lot to me. Oh and tell your mom thanks as well."

"It was nothing really."

Ana was totally confused by everything that has just happened. She knew she wanted nothing more than to be with him. He was right though she had to worry more about herself at the moment. She wanted to get the hell out the hospital and get home. Home she hadn’t even finished moving into her new house. That was something else she was going to have to worry about. Was she wrong to want to take her life? She was tired of living and wanted a way out with hurting anyone. Now she should know better than anyone that Aud would’ve been devastated. She was tired of what she had everything you could want. Everything that she had worked so hard for she was ready to just give up on it. The one thing she valued more than honesty was her privacy. Was she really ready for the whole world to know she was raped and abused?

"Sweetie how are you feeling?"

"Uh Joey what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were ok?"

"Really why? We barely even know each other."

"Yeah but two of my best friends adore you. So if they like you that much I am sure I can to."

"Joey I’m really not that great of a person. I don’t think you really want to know me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because the only person to care about is Audrie. I mean at some point I’m sure my dad and nana did but nobody else ever did. I bet you that my parents didn’t even call or any of my family."

"How did?"

"Did I know please my family would rather see me dead then admit they had me."

"I don’t understand."

"No and nobody ever will please go. I don’t need any of your pity or anyone else’s make sure and tell them that."

"Ana! Nurse please hurry!"

"Please wait outside."

"Joe what happened?"

"J I don’t know one minute we were talking and she got a little angry with me. She was yelling at me why would I care about her. Then she mentioned that her parents didn’t even call."

"Joey?"

"I am so sorry I wasn’t trying to upset her. I just wanted to get to know her you know. JC and you care so much about her and I wanted to see why. I am sorry J I didn’t mean to upset her or anything. You have to believe me?"

"Joe I do its ok. We should’ve told you about her. She is extremely sensitive about certain things."

"Ok guys we need to let her get her rest. If she is ever going to get out of here she needs to rest it up."

"Would it be ok if I stayed with her doc?"

"Well we’ve told you no before and you don’t listen. So yes but please don’t upset her if you do we will ask you to leave."

"Sure no problem doc I won’t upset her."

"J we are going to head to her house. We want to fix it up before she gets home."

"Alright guys we’ll see you tomorrow."