Part Five
All’s Well That Ends Well
Whoa, when did this turn into “The Secret Confessions of Justin Timberlake”? This is supposed to be my story. Now I see why JC and Justin get along so well. They both don’t know when to keep their big fat noses out of other people’s stories. Now if the peanut gallery could just keep their mouths shut for half a second, I could finish telling about what happened. Are we good to go? Yes? Thank you. God.
Well, everything Justin has told you was pretty much true. We kissed. Yep. I kissed Justin Stupidhead Timberlake. “What is wrong with you?” you may be asking. Actually, you probably aren’t, because you probably think that I’m lucky to have kissed one of the biggest stars in the world. So I’ll ask for you. What is wrong with me? The answer? I haven’t a clue. I was just standing there yelling at him and suddenly he goes and puts his slimy lips on me. Like any normal human being would, I pushed him away from me and started yelling again. Then suddenly my stupid body decides it likes his slimy lips and wants more of them. So I kissed him. I am an idiot. A complete and total idiot. You see, problem was, the slimy lips? They weren’t that slimy. They were actually really soft and full and…will someone please kill me? How many times have I asked that question and nobody complies? Seriously. I need help.
You know how all this time I’ve been saying how I hate making sense? Well, at this point and time I would have given anything to make sense again. Anything. Me and Justin fighting and hating each other? That made sense. Me and Justin playing tonsil hockey in the toy room? Not so much. It was driving me crazy. Well, I was already crazy, but if it was possible to go crazier than I already was…that’s what was happening.
Have I mentioned that I fucking hate Justin Timberlake?
See, after the whole kiss thing happened, I did as I said I was going to do and went back to the bus to read. But do you honestly think I could concentrate on my book after that? No, I couldn’t. I just sat there thinking about it and going over and over it in my head, wondering why I’d done it. I mean, I realize that people think when I say I hate Justin that I’m just using it as some sort of cover up for actually having feelings for him-and by feelings, I mean feelings that don’t involve throwing things at his head-but that really isn’t it. I really do just hate him. He’s obnoxious and arrogant and stupid and arrogant and annoying and have I mentioned arrogant? I really hope you aren’t giving me that, “So why’d you kiss him then?” look, because I hate that look. I hate that look almost as much I hate Justin.
Okay, so maybe I don’t hate him that much. Maybe I do think he’s kind of hot, and somewhat humorous, and maybe every now and then when I’m watching him with some of the little kids who come to the concerts I do think he’s kind of sweet. Maybe I even sort of like arguing with him sometimes. Maybe I think he’s talented and he has a great smile and the cutest laugh and maybe a small part of the reason I hate him so much is because I thought he hated me. Don’t look at me like that. I said “maybe.” Lord, you people assume things way too much. I still think he’s an arrogant little asshole. And his hair really is quite large.
As you can see, left to my own devices I thought about this kiss thing way too much. And it wasn’t as though thinking about it made it any better. Aside from my other quirks, I’m also a rather obsessive person. And obsessing over the fact that I’d kissed Justin and what the repercussions of this little action would be was nothing but a completely torturous experience. I felt conflicted and, you know, not good. When the show ended and JC came looking for answers, it didn’t help much.
I was laying in my bunk on the bus (I’d taken Justin’s spot on the JC/Justin/Chris bus and he’d moved to the Joey/Lance bus. He’d always been kind of bitter about that) when I heard footsteps signaling the arrival of the guys. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping no one would bother me. No such luck.
“What the hell, Hallie?” JC exclaimed, pulling the curtain on my bunk open aggressively. I kept pretending to be asleep. “I know you’re not asleep.” I didn’t budge. “Hallie Maria Evans,” he warned. Seriously? Someone get this man some children. I opened one eye and looked at him for a split second, then flipped over to the other side. JC groaned. “Hallie, come on, I just want to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I responded.
“Hal-“
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well can you at least tell me why I had to endure a month and a half of you two bickering only to find out that you were actually attracted to each other?” He sounded slightly bitter over the fact that he’d been put through the torture that was Justin and me, and now I wouldn’t even talk to him.
“I’m not attracted to him,” I insisted, still refusing to look at him. Can I just say here that I do realize how immature I was being? And can I remind you that I never said I was a mature person? Thank you.
“Right, which is why you stuck your tongue down his throat,” he agreed sarcastically and I groaned, finally turning around to face him.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“But it did.”
“So it would seem. God, I really just want to drop off the face of the earth right now.” JC smiled at me sympathetically. Have I mentioned how much I love that guy? He really is like a big brother to me.
“If it makes you feel any better, Justin feels pretty confused right now too.”
“That does make me feel better, but only because I like the thought of him being in mental agony.” A smile crept across my face and JC laughed.
“You’re never going to stop, are you?”
“I don’t plan on it, no.”
“Seriously though, Hallie, how do you feel about him?” I shrugged as much as I could in the sprawled out position I was in.
“I’ve got nothin’,” I told him honestly. Did he really think I had enough mental stability to actually know what was going on inside of me at that moment? And I thought he knew me. He should realize I’m insane and have no direction about anything ever. JC sighed, resting his chin on the edge of my bunk.
“You’ve got yourself in some deep shit here, Hallie.” How helpful.
“Thank you, Joshua. That really helps.” I flipped back over.
“What are you going to do about it?” JC continued. As much as I love the man, he is way too persistent.
“Die,” I replied, burying my head in my pillow. When I was a teenager my mother used to complain about how melodramatic I was, so my father just kept saying that it was a phase and I’d grow out of it. I wonder if they’ve figured out yet that it’s a character flaw, not a phase.
“Come on, Hal. Really.”
“No, really. That’s my current plan of action. If you have something better, please share it with me.” My head was still buried in a pillow, so I seriously doubt that JC had any clue what I’d said. Still, he acted like he did.
“Okay, then. When you’re done being a drama queen, come find me.” And with that, he left to go see what Chris was doing without him.
In the early stages of our friendship, JC would never have called me a “drama queen.” But recently he’d started calling me those sorts of things all the time, since I was…you know…a drama queen. I usually didn’t mind hearing them, but at that point and time I was already pissed off and that didn’t make my mood any better. So in true Hallie fashion, I pouted and refused to get out of my bunk until we reached the hotel. Wow. I am a child. Telling this story is really making me realize that I have major issues. Usually I’m okay with that, but I’m not sure how I feel about it right now.
Which brings me to…that night at the hotel. You can’t see me right now, but I’m sighing. I’m sighing a really big sigh that says, “Please, can we fast forward this part?” But I have a feeling that we can’t, so I won’t. I’m so good to you people.
You remember at the beginning of all this how I said I didn’t drink a whole lot because I am best friends with my inhibitions? Well, that night, my best friend deserted me. And I wasn’t even drunk. Last I checked that wasn’t supposed to happen, but apparently I got the one set of inhibitions in the world that didn’t read their job description and thought they could just fly out the window whenever they felt like it. Now that I’ve gone off talking about inhibitions like they’re people, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m on about.
Well, here it goes. I was up pretty late that night because I just couldn’t fall asleep. I spent a good amount of this time convincing myself that what I’d done with Justin earlier was a huge mistake and we could just forget it happened and move on. I mean, it isn’t like there was a friendship that was going to be ruined because of it. We hated each other anyway, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. Then around 1:30 in the morning, there’s this knock on my door. Normally I’d freak out, call JC’s phone and order him to come protect me from whatever creep was outside my door, but instead I just got up and answered it and who did I find? Justin Timberlake. Great. Just what I needed.
“What?” I greeted him.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
“And that’s my problem how?” He gave me this strange look like he couldn’t figure out why I was acting this way towards him. Apparently he had expected that kiss to change things between us. Who forgot to tell him that I have issues? He sighed, staring at me with those damn piercing blue eyes of his.
“Can I come in?” he asked softly. I hesitated for a moment, but then inhibition number one decided to take a stroll into the night. Please burn in hell, inhibition number one. Yes, that’s right. I let him come in. And what’s more, I shut the door behind him as he walked in. Because, you know, it’s such a good idea to shut yourself into a dark room at 1:30 in the morning with a man you’ve been having horribly conflicted feelings towards all evening. I turned to face him.
“So what do you want?” I questioned, knowing full well what he was there for.
“We need to talk about what happened, Hallie,” he cut to the chase.
“What’s to talk about?” Justin rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Hal, cut the crap. You know what I’m talking about.” I turned away from him, fixing my gaze on the wall. It was a very interesting wall.
“I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”
“Well, I do, so we’re going to.” Well, how nice of him to take my feelings into consideration. Ass. I was silent and kept my focus where it was, but I could see him moving towards me out of the corner of my eye. “How do you feel about me, Hallie?” he asked. I finally turned towards him.
“What do you think?” I snapped, trying desperately to keep up my “I hate you” attitude. It actually wasn’t all that difficult as I’d had a lot of practice, but the way my stomach was churning wasn’t helping matters.
“I think I was sure you hated me, but then you kissed me and that’ll make a guy reconsider.” I rolled my eyes. You know, even now he irritated me. Which is why the whole thing was so confusing. He irritated me, but I…well, I kind of liked him. Please excuse me while I find the nearest brick wall and bang my head against it.
“Justin, come on, it was just a-“
“How do you feel about me, Hallie?” he repeated, cutting me off.
“I feel that you shouldn’t interrupt me.” Oh, God. He was moving closer to me again. And just staring at me with those eyes. Ugh, I hate those eyes. They’re like truth serum. And so this is about the time inhibition number two joined inhibition number one. “And I feel that you’re irritating and frustrating and arrogant, but…you kind of make me laugh sometimes. And you know the other day when that little boy came to you at the meet and greet and you were talking to him with that huge grin on your face? That was kind of cute.”
“Hallie-“ he interjected. Or at least tried to, but I was on a roll now. No stopping me, I was determined to make a complete idiot out of myself.
“And sometimes when we argue I do feel kind of bad about it, because you really aren't like the guys I went to high school with and maybe I am sort of taking things out on you when I shouldn't.”
“Hallie-” Does anyone else think this whole saying my name over and over thing needs to stop? Because it really makes me kind of nervous.
“But you know, that doesn’t mean I don’t still think you’re obnoxious, because I do.”
“Hallie-” He was still moving closer to me, and I was moving backwards to maintain the distance thing we had going.
“And yet, you know, I kind of like you too. You’re sort of fun to be around and um, I…uh…” I started stammering, realizing that I was running out of space to back up and he was quickly closing the distance between us. I averted my gaze and kept talking. “Also, if you cut your hair, you’d be really gorgeous. Not that you aren’t gorgeous now. I mean, not that I’m saying you are gorgeous either, I’m just saying you’re not bad looking and even though I always kind of say you are, you really aren’t and, uh…”
“Hallie?”
“What?” I finally took the bait.
“Shut up,” he replied, backing me up the rest of the way against the wall and working his annoying hands into mine.
“Don’t tell me to shut up! I’ll talk if I want to, thank you very much!”
“Hallie-“
“Seriously, I think you’re finally getting over your stupid egotistical streak and then you go and say something like that.”
“Hallie.”
“What?” I exclaimed, my voice filled with a mixture of exasperation, frustration, and fear.
“Shut up,” he whispered again before closing the tiny distance that remained between us and pressing his stupid beautiful lips onto mine again. Good-bye, inhibition number three. Naturally, since I am an idiot, I couldn’t help but respond to his kiss as I slowly intertwined my fingers with his. I have no clue how long I was kissing him. It was one of those experiences where I just sort of lost track of time because all I could think about was him and his lips and his thumb rubbing gentle circles on my hand and how the feeling of his body against mine affected me. And that’s all I’m going to say about that, because I sound like a freakin’ girl and I’m not okay with that.
...
Well, it’s not all I’m going to say, because I’m sure you all want to know how it ended. It’s a tragic story really. The next day, Justin got hit by a bus and died and I spent the rest of my life mourning his loss and wondering about the love we could have had.
…
Kidding! I’m kidding. Calm yourselves. I bet you hate movies that end like that, right? I don’t. I think they rock and are oh so realistic. But I realize most people aren’t as cool as I am and only go for happy endings. Is mine a happy ending? Well, that night in the hotel room was only a week ago, so I can’t say for sure yet. I can tell you, though, that at moment it isn’t looking too bad. Justin and I still throw insults at each other at least a few times a day, JC still finds it irritating as all hell, and the idea of Justin and I being a couple still makes little to no sense. But we all know how I feel about sense.
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