He played many roles in life. Singer. Actor. Producer. Business man. Writer. Friend. Boyfriend. The last, a role he’d been skimping on since the tour started.
Now, I know touring is crazy and I don’t ask for much. Just a little affection in the quiet moments. But alas, I sit on the bed of our half of the suite, my eyes begging him to hang up the phone, turn off his laptop, and just cuddle with me. It was 11pm here in London and I know no one in his New York office wanted to be doing work at what would be 6pm, an hour after closing.
I walked over to sit in the empty chair near him, hoping my image would at least catch his attention. He never looked up, just patted my knee and showed me his palm indicating he’d only be on the phone for five more minutes. He said that thirty minutes ago.
I let out a sigh and as I walked towards the door, leaned down to kiss the top of his head. He looked up and mouthed he loved me, then went back to his phone call. Normally I would just go to bed and hope I would still be awake when he joined me, but tonight I couldn’t sit and watch him talk one more minute.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love him and know that this is his life. I’ve never asked him to change a bit of it for me. In fact, I didn’t plan on coming on tour with him. He asked me to come. He said he wanted me to see the world with him. I would’ve said no, but I had just graduated from college and hadn’t started hunting for a job yet. The prospect of seeing this part of his life intrigued me. In the past three years I had gotten to see all his sides, but had never done the tour thing. I stood back while the press interviewed him and his friends at all the events. I brought cookies to the studio when they would spend weeks never leaving that small room. I held his hand when his sister had her baby and I gave great sound bites for the news while he was away in Russia. I may not be perfect, but his friends thought I was a damn good celebrity girlfriend. But since the tour started three weeks ago, I was regretting coming on this trip with him. I don’t need lots of attention, but I need some.
As I left our bedroom, I walked past Chris. He was sitting on the couch in the living area our suite shared reading a book. I opened the main door and stepped out into the too quiet hall. I was bare foot and in just some boxers and a shrunk Backstreet Boys Black and Blue Tour t-shirt. That shirt always made the guys laugh. It was a gag gift for my 21st birthday that had become the most comfortable sleep shirt I own. I walked to the end of the hall and bought myself a can of Diet Coke. With the boys being sponsored by Pepsi every tour, I can never seem to get a good diet drink when I want one.
I took my time walking back to the room thinking about the slumber everyone was enjoying in their rooms. I passed Joey and Kelly’s room, the only people who didn’t have to share with anyone else. The second bedroom in their suite contained their beautiful three-year-old Brianna. She had been asleep since before the guys finished their set that night. It was very rare she ever stayed awake the whole show. I was sure she was dreaming of Sesame Street, a room full of puppies, or teaching her new baby brother to hide the TV remote. I bet Joey and Kelly are sleeping face to face with their new son, Trevor, softly snoring between them the way a baby does. Those two hadn’t been happier since they got married. I envy them.
The next room I passed contained Sleeping Beauty and his curly headed friend. JC was in bed ten minutes after we got in the hotel, I’m sure. He was probably dreaming of the dirty little things he was going to do to Emmanuelle when she joined us for a few days next week. I bet right now Justin’s watching the tape of that night’s performance, picking apart every step and note making a mental checklist of things to mention to the guys on the bus drive to the next town tomorrow.
I begrudgingly opened the door to my suite and saw Chris sitting in the same spot I’d left him in. I walked to the bedroom door and heard the same conversation I’d also left earlier. I couldn’t go back in there. Not yet. I sat down on the couch next to Chris, Indian style, taking a sip of my drink. He turned the page.
“What cha readin’?” I asked turning to look at him.
Not looking up he replied, “The book you gave me the other day.”
“Oh.” I took another sip of my drink. My next question came out with a child like sound to it. “Do you like it?”
Chris smiled. Sensing my boredom he turned the page down, closed the book and set it down on the coffee table he had his feet propped up on. “Yeah, it’s been very good so far. A lot better than I expected.”
“Good.” I said honestly. I took another sip then set the can down as I let out a sigh.
“Why are you still up?” Chris let out a soft yawn as he scratched his stomach.
I unconsciously rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. “My bed partner’s on the phone.” I sighed. “Typical.”
“Typical?” Chris raised an eyebrow as he turned to face me better.
“Yeah.” I let out another sigh.
“Wanna talk about it?” He gave me his best ‘trust-me’ smile.
“You really wanna hear? It’s a lot of whining.”
“I’ll bring the cheese then.” Chris could always make me smile.
“Well, let’s see. We’ve been on tour for like three weeks now and I have fallen asleep to him talking on the phone to his mother, his sister, to Wendy. When I wake up in the morning, he’s already up and running. I haven’t gotten anything more romantic than a good morning kiss before he rushes out in weeks. I know ya’ll are busy and I’m on your schedule, but…”
“ You need a little Bass ass every once in a while.” Chris interrupted.
“Christopher!” I exclaimed, then hung my head and let out a single laugh. “Yeah actually. I don’t need a porn sex life or anything, but…it’s just that I miss him. I miss having those moments where no matter where we are or who’s in the next room, it’s just us.”
“What were you expecting?” Chris asked as he grabbed one of my hands and began to massage it.
“I don’t know. To get more than a nod when I tell him good job. To get a slap on the ass before he ran out for sound check. To get to massage his tired muscles after a show. Not a lifeless kiss in the morning and a five-more-minutes sign.” I don’t know if it was the fact it was late, the feeling of brotherly love from Chris, or the fact that I was finally voicing my feelings, but I let a tear run down my cheek and before I could catch it with my free hand another slipped down the opposite cheek.
Chris pulled me in for a hug and I instantly let all my emotions go. He rubbed my back and whispered words of encouragement as I let my emotions run their course. He pulled back and looked me in my blood shot eyes. “Everything will get better, I promise.” He gave me another ‘trust-me’ smile, then patted his lap as he reached for his book. “He’ll notice your not there soon. Chill with me until.”
I nodded and put my head in Chris’ lap. He played with my hair the same way my mother did when I was a little girl as he continued reading where he’d left off. I tried to fight it, but my eyes drifted shut and sleep soon followed.
I awoke at what the clock said to be 3:29am, in bed next to Lance with a full bladder. Damn diet drinks. I got out of bed, turned on the bathroom light to make sure I didn’t fall in, then brushed my teeth and hair before heading back to bed. In the few minutes I had been gone, he’d shifted over into a position that made me want to curl up next to him, but my unhappiness from earlier prevented me from following by feelings. I laid down, back to Lance and closed my eyes hoping sleep would reclaim me soon. I felt Lance shift again, but didn’t feel like looking over my shoulder at him. Moments passed. How many, I don’t know. I was so close to sleep that I had lost all concept of time. I heard a soft rumble and assumed Lance was talking in his sleep. But then I realized the words I was hearing was for the nobody that was always in a quiet, dark place to hear.
“You are so beautiful when you sleep. That half smile. Your hair lying softly on the pillow. I love you. I love the little sighs you let out when you change position in the night. I love the way you curl up in a ball on a cold night or the way your back cracks in the morning. Well, that one not so much.” I felt the bed shift as he curled up against me, his soft fingers running up and down my arm as he nuzzled my neck. “Your skin is so soft. You smell like our apple shampoo and that pear lotion. God I love you!” He kissed my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’ve been treating you crappy lately. I’ll try to do better.” He kissed my neck through my hair. I felt his warm sigh on my neck and wanted to roll over and kiss him. But he pulled me close, whispered he loved me, then within moments began to breath deeply, rhythmically, like he did when he was asleep.
Did I just dream all that? I opened my eyes and saw his hand resting in between my breast atop my shirt, our fingers intermingled. I closed my eyes as I fell asleep being held by the man I thought was left back in the states.
When I awoke again, my shirt was pushed my to my breast and my torso was the receiver of some intimate kisses. I glanced over at the clock that read 7:04am. I let out a yawn and ran one hand through Lance’s hair. He didn’t stop his action, but I felt the smile on his lips. I let him continue for a moment, then grabbed his shoulders and urged him upward. He kissed his way up my left arm, neck and cheek before hovering over my lips.
“Good morning.” He said as he laid softly on top of me. He rubbed his nose against mine, then smiled at me.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I ran my hands up and down his bare back.
I saw him shut his eyes and take a deep breath as I ran my fingers just under the waistband of his boxers. “Waking you up.” He pushed a stray hair out of my face, then kissed my forehead. “Is it working?”
I smiled at him. Even when he’s trying to be cute, he had an err of sexuality to him. I shook my head. “Nope. I’m still sound asleep.”
“Really?” He gave me a devilish grin. “How bout now?” He kissed my forehead, then my nose, then my lips. Soon, in a swift but sensual move, our tongues intertwined and I let out a soft moan as he tongued the roof of my mouth.
When the kiss ended, I had to catch my breath before answering his question. “No babe, I’m sorry. That just isn’t working.”
He nodded. “Well, I know a surefire way to wake you up.” He kissed my lips again, then easily removed my shirt. He kissed down my neck, in between my breast, in a zigzag pattern down my stomach, taking a moment to dip his tongue in my navel. He stopped for just a moment, making eye contact with me before his next move. I began to breath faster with want. He gave me another devilish grin, then kissed right above my navel again. I felt him take a deep breath in and before I could stop him, he was holding my hands down and blowing a raspberry on my exposed tummy. I let out a fit of giggles only to be quieted by his next kiss, lower than expected.
The next hour passed in a blur of passion. We laid in each others arms in the warm after glow. “I missed that.” I sighed against Lance’s still heaving chest.
“What?” He laughed. “Morning sex?”
“No!” I shoved his arm that was wrapped around me. “Just being with you.”
“I’m sorry babe. I know I’ve sucked since the tour started.” I shushed him. He let out a sigh, then tensed against me. “Shit! It’s 8:30! We need to get packed up to leave. The bus pulls out in like an hour.”
I kissed his chest. “Let me get a shower, then I’ll pack us up, okay? You get us some breakfast.”
“Okay.”
As we all piled onto the tour bus, I saw Chris and Lance pass each other nods and grins. I went and sat next to Chris. “Thanks for listening to me last night.”
“No prob, Shorty. Are things better?”
“Yeah.” I looked over at Lance who had his goofy after sex grin on his face.
“See, I told you.” Chris hugged me.
“Thanks! I know you must have said something to him. I owe you.” I kissed Chris on the cheek before returning to Lance’s side.
He played many roles in life. Singer. Actor. Producer. Business man. Writer. Friend. Boyfriend. The last, a role he had triumphantly reclaimed due to some friendly intervention.
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