Chris heard the sounds of security and police escorting the various media outlets to the exit doors of the hospital, stating the terms of the legal documents they and the hospital had drawn up to keep them from invading their privacy during this excrutiatingly painful time.
He paced back and forth in front of the door, trying to figure out if he really wanted to see Justin or not. He loved his little brothers. Even JC. But Justin had always had a special place in his heart as he felt that in a small way, he'd had alot to do with part of raising him wsince he was 14 or so. And did he really want to see his little brother in that condition? It was bad enough that he had to see the fresh lacerations that JC had inflicted upon him. Chris finally stopped and turned toward the door of the room and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, swallowed hard, and turned the knob. Stepping in. he swallowed again, willing the lump in his throat to disappear.
Justin didn't move as he entered the room, but Chris still half expected his friend to turn to him and make some smartass comment. He was no longer attached to tubes and i.v.s and there wasn't the steady beep of the heart monitor. The younger man's curls peeked out from a blanket that covered his entire body and face. Chris gently pulled the blanket down, in case Justin was faking and had planned on scaring him once he was completely off guard.
But he wasn't, and he didn't.
Chris took in the sight of his lifeless body, touching his arm and letting the feeling of his cold skin sink in. His best friend was dead. His bandmate was dead. His little brother was dead.
JUSTIN was dead.
Chris didn't cry, for whatever reason. He stood there for a long time, just looking at his friend, getting angrier with each passing minute, but not entirely sure who his anger was actually directed at.
He could be mad at Justin for what he'd done.
He could be mad at JC for what HE'D done.
He could be mad at himself for what he'd done. Which, he supposed, was creating *NSYNC to even begin with.
But he could not, for the life of him, decide where the other nagging feeling was coming from, nor what it even was. Anger and... Hate? Disappointment? Regret? Loss?
Whatever it was, he knew he needed to do something about it.
He squeezed Justin's hand before leaving the room, not bothering to even shut the door behind himself. He walked briskly past the waiting room, leaving the mourning *NSYNC family to themselves. He didn't notice Joey standing near the door as he passed, the only one in the room that had witnessed the scene of Chris fleeing the hospital in a fury of determination. Chris slipped out the revolving doors, unaware Joey was following several yards behind him.
