I am sooooo sick. Literally I am just disgusting. Who am I? I’m not the man I used to be. That’s funny because when I look in the mirror I see the same person. Well the same person with a little facial her, but the same person nonetheless. You’re probably wondering why I’m so sick or why I think I’m so sick. I’ve become a walking, talking love ballad. This sickening tune about birds and the bees, flowers and candies. My blue eyes stay focus on the refection in the mirror in front of me. Yep, same person….on the outside that is. On the inside I’m the complete opposite of what I used to be and there’s only one person to blame.
On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me
Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
So you’re probably wondering what happened to me since I last told you my little tale. How I stepped away from the cold hard life of robbery. Ok so maybe it wasn’t so cold, there’s a lot of people far worse than I am but both you and I know that wasn’t a life on the up and up. Last time we chatted she stood before me with those haunting eyes casting upward due to her shortness. Boring into me with limitless depictions of what her mind is processing.
“You saw--you saw me yesterday.”
“Yeah…” she sighed.
“You didn’t say anything.”
“No…” Kind of hard to gather what’s going on in her mind. Her voice is so soft that I’m surprised that I can hear it but I can hear it clear as day. And just when I thought she was so beautiful from afar her beauty upclose is a word that hasn’t even been created. My body is actually working on its on, I think my brain shut off a while ago. I took my eyes away from her for one minute and one minute only just to take a glance at the bus station across the street. People are hustling and bustling out of the station. I should be one of those people. I will be soon enough….but how can I leave? How can I leave without knowing more of her? There’s many things that are swimming through my head and just when I think I’m balanced the weirdest thing happens.
“Come with me” I say. That day my arm felt like a thousand pounds lifting up but when I finally got it up I held my hand out to her. Now that wasn’t the weirdest part, the weirdest is part was when I felt her soft hand latch onto mine.
“Ok.” And that’s all she said. Just like the time where I had no clue of how my feet moved, this is the second time it happened carrying her along with myself across to the Greyhound station. Hand and hand we waltz right over there as if we’ve know each other all our lives, yet I still don’t even know her name. We’re still silent walking up to the counter. The bus lady (sorry that I don’t know the real name of her occupation cuz at the moment my brain has completely shut down) is all smiles looking at us.
“What can I do for ya?” she asks in a thick Brooklyn accent.
“Um two tickets, California one way. The sooner the better.” She starts to type furiously on what looks like an old IBM computer. You know those kind you were forced to learn how to type on in middle school? Anyways I’m doing all I can to not grasp everything. Staring at the bus lady’s tight maroon uniform jacket or the stiffness of her hair helps me from not looking next to the woman/stranger who’s holding my hand because if I look over to her I won’t stop staring. Marveling in the genetics that have created something so perfect.
“One way……alrighty here you go” she smiled passing the tickets our way. “It leaving in 15 minutes, so run ok?” We still don’t say anything, just nod and walk as fast as we can to gate 81. Just as we approach I stop. What am I doing? I don’t know this girl! I’m ready to uproot someone’s child, someone’s daughter, sister, friend…so why is it that deep down I don’t care? Why is it that I don’t care who I’m taking her from as long as she’s with me? Even through it all I have to ask.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Yes.” Well that’s all I need to hear. Next thing I know we’re sitting on two cushy blue bus seats heading to sunny California, never to return to this hellhole ever again.
I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
When youre happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm there
Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have
The bus ride was interesting….very interesting. Her name is Angelica, but I call her Angel. She’s my Angel because she’s heaven sent. Therefore I am returning back to that love ballad I was telling you about. Our bus ride was a learning experience for the two of us. I learned a little of her, she learned a little of me. When I first saw her I knew she was young, but never had I imagined she was 17! That made me nervous, until she told me and confirmed with her id that she was turning 18 in 2 weeks. Remember, age ain’t nothing but a number right? Everything was so serious when we pulled off from the station. We hadn’t let go of each others hands and within an hour I felt her head rest comfortably against my shoulder. I have to tell ya that was the most wonderful feeling I had ever felt in my entire life. When she woke, we talked. The daughter of a nurse and an a construction worker life was really lonesome for her. Her mother worked all the time and her father treated her like she was a houseplant making the decision to come with me an easy one.
“I felt it too” she told me.
“Felt what?”
“It…when you looked at me yesterday.”
“How’d you know it was me? I mean I had on a mask--”
“I knew” she nodded, “I knew.” Oddly enough I had to do it, I couldn’t resist. Leaning in ever so slightly I kissed her on the temple of her forehead as the bus continued to ride to our new home.
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah
Which leads me back to here to staring at myself trying to figure out exactly how did I turn into this bumbling dweeb crammed with all the feelings which normally would ensue laughter and mockery.
“Ha ha you are so pussy whipped!” yup that’s exactly what I would say except I’m the one in that position.
“Hey you” her warm arms encircled around my waist with just the right amount of pressure to validate what I know from the inside. That that was a hug filled with love.
“Hey” I replied. “You made it back early.”
“Yup! I guess Kim decided to have a heart and let me go early. Early enough to be with you.” I can feel her smile against my back before she places her lips right in the middle of my spine. I love it when she does that. “But I’m a little tired though.”
“Come on, let’s go lay down then.” Today is one of those lazy Saturdays where we can do that sort of thing. Normally Angel works down at the coffee house during the week but was called in last minute when one of her coworkers fell ill. I felt bad for her, I hate seeing my baby work to the bone. If I could go in her place I would but I don’t think there’s enough makeup in the world to ever convince anyone that I’m Angel. Together just like the day we left we walk down the stairs of our home to the soft brown couch that lays within our living room. With the money that I had from the banks and her creativeness, we bought a little simple house and fixed it up ourselves. Took forever to finish it up but once we did it because home sweet home.
On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe
We talk for awhile on the couch about everything that’s happened today and yesterday in class. I mean what I said when I was going to go to school. Both of us are actually in community college part time, something better than nothing right? She’s going for a degree in nutrition, I’m going for business managemtn but that’s beside the point. Just wanted to let you know how’s life in that department. Anyways after a sequence of yawns, I lay back against the couch, Angel lays above me. Her chest lays against mine and I can feel her heart beating against me. You wouldn’t believe how wonderful that feels. Gently I close my eyes, letting her soothing heartbeat take me away to a world where I can do anything and everything for her. I’m there for her now but I want to be there for her more. Where she’ll never want for anything. Where she’ll ask me for the moon and the stars and they’ll be given to her without a second thought. That’s what I’m striving and working for. You know I’ll have to be that and more for my future wife, but shhh don’t tell her ok?
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...
Damn just when I was having this wonderful dream about me and Angel. See she’s wearing this little leather thong and I’m about--wait never mind. Don’t want to gross you out. Sometimes I can have a perverted mind, anyways just as the dream is getting better and wetter someone is pounding on my door as if they’re about to have a heart attack. I wish they’d stop because I really don’t need anyone waking up my Angel. Carefully I slid from beneath her, watching her stir a little, missing the warmth our bodies produced, to grab the door.
“Yeah?” I answer in my sleepy daze, not bothering to open my eyes.
“Are you Justin Timberlake?”
“Yeah?” I groaned, still haven’t opened my eyes.
“We’re going to need you to come with us.” That’s when I opened my eyes and realized who was standing before me. It was the police with cuffs in hand. And as of now I have a feeling this ain’t gonna end pretty.
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