The phone rang and so did my head. But I can't find it. Where is it? What is it? The phone kept ringing and my head started pounding.
I opened my eyes as best I could, and rolled over in my bed. Where's the fucking phone?
"Hello?" Someone else in my room answered the phone. A guy. I wasn't quite alert enough to recognize his voice though. "Yeah she's here, but she's knocked out," he said quietly into the phone. This guy all of a sudden plopped onto my bed and began wiping the scattered strands of my black hair from my face. "Okay, I'll be sure to tell her you called," he finished.
I heard the click of my cell phone close, and I slowly reopened my dark blue eyes. They transfixed on the man sitting next to me, staring down at my resting form. "JC?" I asked, hopefully.
"You know it, mama. How do you feel?"
"Terrible." I tried to roll over, but the thumping in my head told me that wasn't the greatest of ideas. "Oh God, I feel like shit."
"You look like shit," he laughed.
"Damn. I guess flattery isn't your thing," I replied, making a flaccid attempt at hitting his arm.
"Hey man." He got up from my bed and darted to my dresser where he started playing with his curly brown locks in the mirror. "If your best friend can't be honest with you, then who can?"
I ran a stressful hand across my forehead and sat up very slowly. "So are you gonna fill me in on this hangover, or do I have to guess what happened last night?"
"Umm..."
"JC?"
"Uhh…"
"Josh, don't fuck with me."
"Well I don't exactly know what happened."
"Don't lie," I said. "Tell me what happened."
"Well," he started, just as his phone rang, "Damn, hold on, mami."
I sighed and flipped on my television, switching through the hundreds of channels. "Tonight, on Access Hollywood: New baby news for Kate Hudson. Bennifer on the rocks? Justin Timberlake and Chris…"
I changed the channel before they could say another word about that damn Justin. It was yesterday's episode anyway. And I hate Justin. Not only is he pretentious and arrogant, but he's a freakin' liar. Now, he has the nerve to ask me to come with him on his stupid tour. Ha! In. His. Dreams.
"Okay, sorry about that," JC announced, pushing his phone back into his pocket. "Now where was I?"
I muted the TV and directed my attention back to him. "You were telling me why my head feels like Ricky Ricardo got to it."
"Oh right. Well I think you had a little too much fun last night," he smiled, sitting back on the bed.
"No shit," I laughed. "Who'd I leave with?"
"I uh, I don't think that I can say," he replied awkwardly.
"You let me leave without seeing who I left with? JC, you're supposed to watch out for me! Where was Trish?"
"We shouldn't have to watch every move you make. You’re 22 and ‘grown,’" he snapped his fingers, imitating me. “Remember?"
"Shut up! You're always watching - even when I don't want you to."
"Well okay," he grinned. "I was watchin' last night too."
"So," I asked, thumping his bare bicep.
He shook his head and walked towards the door. "You'll have to find that out on your own."
"JC!"
"Nope," he grinned.
"Que tal!"
"Because I ain't gonna be the one you get mad at when you find out."
I started whining. "Tell me!"
"Justin," he answered, somberly.
"Justin?" I yelled.
He nodded sorrowfully and winced. "After making out with him all night."
"No!"
"Yep."
I buried my head in my hands. "Oh, God. How much did I drink last night!"
"It was a rare moment for you," he admitted. "It was almost as if you wanted an excuse to hang all over him."
"This can't be happening," I mumbled. "I guess that explains why half of my bed smells like that God-awful Polo cologne he drowns himself in."
"I'll be downstairs with Chewy." He winked, entering the hallway. "Justin wants you to give him a call."
I rolled my eyes and fell back into the throng of pillows that covered my king-sized canopy-bed. "Ugh." Did I mention that I hate Justin?
And I hate JC for being friends with that cocky motherfucker. It amazes me how two people that are so totally opposite manage to be such good friends. JC and Justin are like Heaven and Hell, respectively. Then again, I guess the same could be said about JC and me. We're definitely the odd couple. But I love that guy like he's my brother. Shoot, he basically is my brother. We've been through a lot in the past twelve years.
If he hadn't been so wrapped up in his career, we probably would've hooked up by now. But I had to get stuck with Justin. I guess since we're the same age, people just wanted to pair us up. He was doing better with Britney, if you ask me. Instead, he had to go and turn my world upside down.
What did he do? Well first of all, he fucked up every freakin' thing when he told me he liked me back when we were kids. I mean, ever since then, I haven't been able to get his ass off my mind, and that's some shit, because I don't go for the white boys - not even back then. But that Justin - he's a smooth motherfucker.
We've always had a weird relationship. There was a mutual adoration that we shared for one another. He used to tell me that he was scared of me - that my confidence made him nervous. I told him he was just afraid of the Sag in me, but I knew he wasn't. Hell, he loved it. He loved me.
We learned a lot from one another, too. I learned about boys from Justin, and well, he found about everything else from me. When he wanted to lose his virginity, who'd he come to? Me. I hadn't been a passenger on the V-Train for a while at that point, so I hooked him up. That's just how freakin' cool we were. I guess you could say that, together, we figured out life.
As time progressed, we grew closer, even though schedules kept us apart. Between email, phone bills and JC, we kept in touch. Truth be told, I fell in love with the bastard, though I'd never tell him that in a million years.
I still ask myself how I let that shit happen. One day, he was my homeboy from around the way. Next thing I know, we're thousands of miles apart and I'm freakin' wondering where he is and what he's doing. It was like a dream. It was as though, with the blink of an eye, our relationship transgressed the line of an essentially platonic friendship to some crazy romance that only the two of us were in on.
After a while though, it seemed like I was the only one in it. Why? Because the boy moved on and didn't even have the decency to tell me. Not only that, but he moved on with my friend. His defense was that we were never in an official relationship. Shoot, I even got down on my hands and knees and begged him not to let it go down like that. That shit didn't work.
Since then, things between us have been… bad. I have no more words for him - just angry stares. The only reason I even set foot in his vicinity is because his best friend is my best friend too. And for whatever reason, Josh thinks that Justin and I belong together; that we're some match made in Heaven. 'Hell' seems more appropriate. I can't even look at Justin the same way anymore. He disgusts me. I know that that's just me being immature, because he hasn't changed any more than I have, but to be perfectly honest, the bastard freakin' broke my heart. He ended the dream before it really had the chance to start.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By noon, I was being escorted to the back of my favorite restaurant, Houston's - the one in the Valley. I'd called Justin earlier and asked him to meet me here. I figured I was less susceptible to kicking his ass if other people were around.
As I approached his table, he smiled that famous smile and pulled me into an embrace. He has some kind of Hispanic look going on with his goatee and the big diamond studs. I like it. Muy caliente. I have his new video for 'Rock Your Body' on TiVo just because of how freakin’ good he looks in it.
"What's with the long face, babe?" I looked at him briefly, but said nothing. "Okay, so what's up," he finally questioned.
"Well," I looked off into the restaurant avoiding his gaze. "I wanna apologize for last night." I felt his weight shift in the booth and his head turn. "I know it's not like me to ever apologize," I continued, "But I know that if I had been remotely sober, I wouldn't have slept with you, so I'm sorry for - "
"Wait a minute," he interrupted. "We didn't sleep together."
"I'm sorry, what? I turned to finally face him.
"What what? We didn't have sex."
"We didn't?"
"If I remember correctly, we sat in your bed watching reruns of SouthPark until you fell asleep, and then I went home."
"You're lying!" I exclaimed, hitting him in the arm.
He furrowed his brow in confusion. "You really were fucked up, huh?"
"Oh, God. You have no idea how freakin' happy I am!" I hugged him again and wiped the pretend sweat from my forehead. Then I realized who I was sitting next to and my smile quickly faded.
"So you only wanted to talk because you thought we had sex?" he finally questioned.
"Well," I shrugged. "Yeah."
"Damn. I may do a lot of fucked up shit, but I would never take advantage of you like that," he winked. "I love you too much to do that."
My head snapped towards him at those three little words, but I regained enough composure to respond, "You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Justin."
At that moment, the waiter approached our table and took our order.
"What do you mean by that?" Justin inquired as our water arrived.
"I mean what I said."
"Well so did I."
"Justin, you don't love me and you know it."
"How could I not love you," he scoffed. "C, you're my first, last, one and only. You're it, girl."
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my water. "Well I guess this little intervention was pointless," I announced, sliding right on out of the large table.
"Where are you going?" He looked confused and damn near hurt.
"Back home," I replied tersely. "I have a huge headache and I just really wanna go lay down."
"Don't go." His sapphire eyes pleaded with my own. "Just have lunch with me?" He patted the open space next to him. "Let's chat."
"Justin, I'm not coming with you on your stupid tour."
He sighed loudly. "Just fuckin' sit down, please."
I reclaimed the seat beside him. "I'm only doing this because I'm hungry." I looked at him and couldn't help but smile. His goofy ass is hard not to laugh at.
"Hungry for that Trousersnake, huh?"
"That name is terrible," I told him. "Where'd they come up with that?"
"The British are weird," he shrugged. "Once I start going over there more, they'll see me for who I am."
"Would that be the lying, conniving wannabe pimp, or the sniveling, whiny mama's boy?"
"Ouch," he hissed. "And the gloves come off!" He did his best to maintain a smile as our food arrived. "By the way, I never got the opportunity to thank you for showing up to my birthday party last month."
"Hey, what's better than free food and drunk celebrities?"
"Free food, drunk celebrities and watching Brit leave crying."
"That wasn't cool," I shot back. "You have to stop playin' with people's emotions like that."
"What? Like I did to you," he smirked, inhaling a forkful of salad.
"Yeah, exactly."
He looked up from his plate, seeing that I'd quickly grown serious. "Oh come on, girl. You know you wanted out of that relationship even more than I did." He nudged my thigh. "That's if you could even call it that."
Well shit, I called it my first true love. Talk about two sides of the same story. "Yeah," I replied in oblivion.
"Honestly," he began, "I think that was the most intense relationship I've ever been in. I didn't know what else to do but move on."
I beg to differ. "I guess you're right. At least you got a nice little run with Britney out of it, afterwards."
He laughed loudly, throwing his head back. "You know, after dealing with that, I realized that the dumbest thing I ever did was walk away from us."
"Well hey, this way, you've managed to make a solo career out of your heartache. I had to keep my pain private so that you could maintain your shit."
"What? No you didn't," he countered.
"Justin," I looked at him sarcastically, "How would it look if I came out with my little story when you announce that you're freakin' head over heels for my homegirl?" I finally started picking at my steak as he contemplated what I'd said.
"So," he finally started, after much deliberation, "In other words, you were protecting me, huh?"
"No," I frowned.
"Yes."
"No," I repeated softly. "Well…"
"You were," he smiled. "You love me, don't you?"
"No," I quickly retorted.
"You don't have to admit it. I know you do." He kissed the side of my face and returned to his meal. "If it helps any, I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will."
"That does absolutely nothing for me."
"Don't front."
"I'm not!" I brushed him off of me and glared in his direction. "What reason - "
"So I was thinking," he interrupted, "What do you think about starting somethin' up again?"
I dropped my fork and damn near choked on my baked potato. "What?"
"You heard me," he answered, nonchalantly.
"I hope I heard you incorrectly."
"Don't fuck with me."
"Justin, you can't be serious."
"And why not?"
"We're just - we're not there anymore," I said awkwardly.
"Well wherever we need to be, let's get there."
"Get real, Justin."
"I'm being real. What's wrong with giving us another try?" he asked calmly. "A real try."
"You're being crazy," I stated dismissively.
"Ma, I'm serious. For four years, I've been running from the feelings I have for you, and basically, I'm sick of it. I know I fucked up big time --"
Try again, honey. He fucked up huge time. "Well the feeling - "
"But I know you feel it too," he ignored me. "Don't act like I'm the only one that's in love at this table."
This time, I almost choked on my water. "What," I said, through multiple coughs.
He narrowed his cooky eyebrows at me and winked. "There's my confession. Now, it's your turn."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No, I can't
Did he really tell me that he was in love with me? No, it can't be. Not after all this time. Not after four years of essentially ignoring me and saying that I was 'just a friend.'
But he did say it, didn't he?
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing
After the insane lunch with Justin, I came home with the same unrelenting headache that I left with, and laid down for a couple of hours. I hoped that this hangover would have a little mercy on me.
'Cause I cannot stand still
I tried to sleep away my confusion. I prayed that my dreams would find a logical answer to this mess, but I guess that would verge on an oxymoron, wouldn't it? - A dream that solidifies what you'd like to be reality.
I can be this unsturdy
He's in love with me? He's in love with me. Justin Randall Timberlake. Justin. My Justin. The guy I've been feelin' since the day we met - twelve freakin' years ago. He's in love with me!
This cannot be happening
But now, he wants to make this into a 'thing.' I can do undercover flings, but 'things' I'm not so good at. Could it be that I'm scared?
This is over my head
But underneath my feet
No. Hell no, I'm not scared. What is there to be scared of? Justin? Or the playboy inside of him? Commitment? Or getting hurt again? Yeah, it's possible, but I'm not worried about that. This is my shot. It's my chance to hit this one over the fence and out of the park. I don't have to run. The game is over, and I won.
'Cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
My God, what am I saying? It's the headache talking, I swear. I don't even like him. How can I love him? He makes me sick. I'll just call him and tell him no. I don't want a relationship with him. I want nothing to do with Justin freakin' Timberlake.
And everything will be back to the way that it was
If there's one thing I don't want, it's a cocky pop star on my hands. Someone that thinks he owns the world doesn't impress me.
I wish that it was just that easy
But he's not just a cocky pop star. He's Justin. Inside, he's the same country old soul that he was when we met, and somehow, he grew into a breathtakingly confident man. Someone that knows where he's going and what he's doing in life. He knows what he wants out of it. He would lay down his life - and his heart - for the person he loves. He pours his spirit into everything he does. The truth is, I admire him. Shoot, that’s a lot more than I can say for myself right now.
He's the guy I always knew I could count on - if I wasn't too smug to ask. He doesn't intentionally hurt people. In fact, he helped me. He's the one man that showed me that love doesn't always have to turn into a dramatic course of events. It can be just as simple as meeting someone and bonding with them. It's possible that it's just as easy as falling for a good friend, as if slipping into a dream. And he let me do that. He's willing to let me do it again. I guess it's just up to me.
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in?
I had no idea what I was doing, but I hopped out of bed, and headed straight for my car. I absolutely hate driving in L.A., but no one else was around, and I can't take any chances with letting my happiness slip away this time. This time, I'm ready.
I pulled up to Justin's insanely large estate, cursing myself for not knowing the code to his security gates. I wanted to surprise him, but, instead I pressed the 'call' button and waited. And waited… And waited.
Almost two hours later, after listening to the same songs play over and over again on the radio, and almost falling asleep numerous times, I heard the sound of a loud horn behind me.
Don't be surprised if I collapse at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I got out of my car to face Justin's, while he sat there smiling. I motioned for him to come to me, after mouthing the words "I love you."
He opened his door, but hesitated before getting out. He stood from his seat and asked, "Is this a joke? Is Ashton Kutcher gonna pop out of the bushes again?"
"You wish." I laughed, walking towards him. “Come here!”
"So, we're gonna give it a try, huh?"
'Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening
I nodded slowly, looking around his neighborhood. "I guess so. I can't make any promises-"
"I'm not asking you to."
"You know that it's gonna be crazy, right?"
He smiled, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his strong arms around my small waist. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
He looked down at me and I looked up to him, boring my eyes into his. Those eyes - they say nothing and everything all at once. Open, they express all the contradictory emotions that are bottled up inside. Closed, they shut out the world. With the blink of an eye, you can progress from the real world to your world.
And I'm somewhere in between
Or a world that you never thought existed. The last time I closed my eyes, I lost him.
What is real
I’d never blink again if it meant that I could remain in his world.
Just a dream
Gosh, between this morning and this afternoon, I did a total 180, didn’t I?
What is real
Just a dream
Damn that Justin. He’s still a smooth motherfucker.
Lyrics - "Somewhere in Between" by Lifehouse
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