Epilogue - At Last
One year. One whole year. That's how long it's been since the very first time Lara told me she loved me. One year ago today. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still alive. I don't think it would have been in the least bit unexpected on my part if I'd just dropped dead right then and there. I would have been sort of okay with that, too. I don't think I really realized it, but I had been waiting so long to hear her say those words that if I had suddenly had a freak heart attack or something, it wouldn't have mattered. I finally had the only thing I had ever wanted. Or at least the only thing I'd wanted since the day I met Lara. I finally had her love and her trust. What more do I need? Nothing.
This past year has been my happiest in a while and maybe even ever. Now that I have a girlfriend, my mother has finally stopped trying to set me up (thank God) and I have finally stopped moping around and feeling sorry for myself all the time. I have nothing to feel sorry for myself about. I have the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful, perfect girlfriend in the entire world and that's all that matters. I love her and she loves me and I could lose everything I own right now and I wouldn't care as long as I had her. Wow, I'm a romantic sap, aren't I? I'm sorry you have to hear me like this. It's actually really embarassing. Twenty-eight-years-old and still acting like a romantic freak, spouting off stupid cliches about how love conquers all. But, guess what? It does. It really does. I promise.
Things aren't perfect, of course. Sometimes I really wish Lara and I could see each other more often, or that she wouldn't give me the silent treatment when she's upset, or that we could go somewhere without people taking pictures of us, but those are all minor things. And of course I wish she could have a conversation with one of her parents without crying herself to sleep afterwards, but that's more for her sake than for mine. I must admit she's very emotionally draining sometimes - she still needs some help in the self-esteem department - but I really don't mind. I love her and I love being there for her. She needs me, and I am more than happy to be her shoulder to cry on. I know she'd do the same for me.
Every day when I wake up, I thank God that she's still with me. I have spent most of the past year afraid that one day Lara would decide she didn't want to be with me anymore. I keep thinking that maybe one day she'll think back on the beginning of our relationship and decide I'm not good enough for her or something and just ditch me. I know every now and then she still questions my love for her. I tell her every day that I love her, even when we aren't together, but I can tell that sometimes she's still a little uncertain. I can't say I blame her, really. I don't think she's ever had anyone really love her, even her parents. And when your parents don't show you much love, it must be hard to believe that someone else can love you as much as I love her. But I do love her, and most of the time I think she knows that. Most of the time she seems as happy and secure as I feel and it's at those times that I know we'll be together forever. Despite my fears, I know that if we got through everything we've been hit with up to this point, we can get through anything.
And for once in my life I really want to be with her forever. I'm ashamed to say that I've never felt that way about any of my previous girlfriends. I loved them and everything, but I don't think I ever really expected to marry them. But Lara? I want to marry her. I want to be with her forever and now that I've had her in my life continuously for the past year, I don't think I can imagine being without her. Which is why I'm about to make sure I never have to.
***
"Our next guest is beautiful, talented, and did I mention beautiful? Ladies and gents, Lara Robertson!"
"Justin, can we not watch me?" Lara groaned into her boyfriend's shoulder as the crowd on the television burst into applause and she saw herself walk across the screen. They were having one of the rare nights together where neither had to work and they could just hang around her apartment talking or watching television, which was exactly what they were doing. They were currently watching a talk show Lara had done a few days earlier, though if she had anything to do with it they wouldn't be watching it for long.
"But I like watching you. You're hot." He grinned and planted a kiss on her temple as the interviewer began asking his questions.
"Well, watch me here then," Lara grouched, pushing herself up so she could look at him properly instead of talking into his shoulder.
"Hold on a second, you're talking about me."
"Oh god..."
"Yeah, he's great," the recorded version of Lara was saying. "He's an amazing person and I feel really lucky. Not too bad to look at either." The audience laughed and Justin heard another groan come from his girlfriend's direction.
"Please turn it off, J. You know I hate watching myself," she pleaded, covering her eyes with her hands. Justin had to laugh at how miserable she looked, but he complied and switched the television off.
"'Not too bad to look at'?" he repeated what she'd said in the interview, raising an eyebrow at her. "Is that all I get? I call you hot and all I get is 'not too bad to look at'? That pains me, Lars."
"No, no, that's just my official interview answer," she assured him, scooting closer to him and leaning over so she could speak right into his ear. "I actually think you're dead sexy." She nipped at his ear lightly before making her way to his mouth, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. Justin pressed his lips onto hers before she had a chance to do it herself and she let out a little yelp of surprise as he pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and she sighed happily into his mouth. This was one of things she thought she could never get tired - getting to kiss him without having any guilt or questions about the motivation of either party hanging in the back of her mind as she did it. She groaned as he pulled away.
"Don't stop," she begged and Justin smiled, reaching up and brushing away a piece of hair that had come loose from her ponytail.
"Have I told you recently that you're beautiful and I love you?" he asked.
"Oh, you only say it once or twice a day," she replied with a smirk and a giggle. While she only told him she loved him every now and then - another side effect of no one before him ever saying it to her - he told her all the time, as though he was afraid she would forget if he didn't continuously remind her. "Not that I'm complaining, of course, but couldn't it have waited until you were finished having your dirty, dirty way with me?"
"Did you really just say that?" Justin asked, laughing. Lara never ceased to surprise him; one minute she was the reserved, uncertain girl he was used to and the next she was saying things like that. Although the more time they spent together, the more he noticed her sense of humor resurfacing and he was glad. He was happy to know that she was back in that place where she felt at ease with him enough to joke around with him again.
"I believe I did." She grinned at him before capturing his lips with hers and returning to the wonderful kisses she'd been enjoying before he had so rudely interrupted. Hands soon began wandering and it wasn't long before Lara had slid off of Justin's lap and laid down on the couch, bringing him down with her. She groaned again as he pulled away once more.
"What?" she asked, half exasperated and half curious.
"Do you ever wish we could do this forever?" His eyes searched her face and he took in the confused expression that passed over it. It seemed like a pretty random question to Lara.
"All the time," she replied sincerely.
"So why don't we?" The confused expression deepened as Lara's green eyes remained fixed on Justin's sapphire ones, trying to decipher his meaning.
"What do you mean?" She decided to just ask, since trying to read his mind was getting her nowhere. Justin sighed and sat up, causing Lara to follow his lead. Her eyes locked on his right hand, which he'd shoved into his pocket and seemed to have latched onto something.
"Okay, I was planning to take you out to dinner tomorrow and do something really romantic, but we both know I hate that cliched stuff so...I'm just going to do it now. Hold on a second." He stood up and Lara watched him curiously as he ran into her bedroom. She really had no clue what was going on, though when she looked back on it later she would realize she should have seen it coming. It was pretty obvious.
Justin soon returned, holding a large, rectangular package. How and why he'd stashed such a thing in her own bedroom was beyond her. She frowned as he sat back down next to her and handed her the package. "What's this?" she asked.
"Well, it's kind of a late birthday present," he explained. Lara's twenty second birthday had been two weeks earlier, and he'd already given her a gift so this explanation didn't do much to cure her confusion. "I was going to give it to you at dinner tomorrow and I apologize for recycling ideas here, but...well it takes me far too long to think up good romantic things, so...just open it." He was babbling and fingering whatever was in his pocket again and Lara could tell he was nervous about something so she decided to just do as he asked and not ask anymore questions. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she dutifully opened the package. Her eyes widened in shock and she could have sworn her heart had stopped beating when she saw what it was - a painting almost identical to the one that hung above her bed, but this time the rose was made up of the words "marry me" instead of "I'm sorry."
"Oh my god," she whispered, her hand clamping over her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes. She had stopped breathing now, she was sure of it. This had to be a dream. Justin couldn't really be proposing to her. Of all the women in the world, he couldn't really want to marry her, could he? She finally looked over at him and got her answer as she found herself faced with a beautiful diamond engagement ring in a velvet box.
"Marry me?" her boyfriend croaked, obviously having a little of his own trouble in the breathing category. Lara didn't know what to say. She wanted to scream, "YES!" but her vocal chords seemed to have lost all ability to function. Slowly, she set the painting down on the coffee table and seeing the worried expression gracing Justin's features, took his face into her hands and pressed her lips onto his.
"Is that a yes?" he asked hopefully as she pulled away. A few tears slipped out of her eyes as she felt him slipping the ring onto her finger, waiting for her answer. She leaned in to whisper in his ear.
"That's a 'hell yes.'"
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