It's been so long since I've been alone. No *NSYNC, no Cameron, no kids. It's a strange feeling, you know? It's almost like I was the main character in "Groundhog Day", where every day holds the same, monotonous undertone to it. Wake up, eat, sing, workout, sleep. Over, and over, and over. My walls are filled with *NSYNC memerobilia. The 7 diamond records we got, the 3 additional platinum records, the 1 gold record, and then... our last. I guess after I saw the first month sales report, I knew that was it. Something inside the five of us just snapped, and it was done. Finished. Ended. Gone. Ha. Gone. And everyone knew it. Our last record just didn't "hold the listener's attention" and didn't "make listeners want to dance or move". That's what the reviewers said anyway. But I knew it was a sign. JC lost his intensity in life and started writing less and less for the group, and more for himself. Lance's focus disappeared but he still managed to focus more on his stuff than ours. Joey's luster vanished and he spent more and more time with his family, although that's how it always should've been. Chris became more somber as he missed more and more meetings, not caring anymore. We all new we were finished. And that's when Cameron left. She said she couldn't ever see herself commiting to a relationship with a "has-been" boyband member in his late thirties. And she took our kids with her.
I didn't see that part coming.
Has-been.
Boyband.
That's how they all describe us now. "Where Are They Now?" even showcased us a few years back. And everyone asks the same question: If I could tell *NSYNC was losing it's popularity, why didn't I leave and go solo?
Because it was safer this way. JC went solo and was successful, and I didn't want to be compared to him. And if I had gone solo and failed? No, it was too much of a risk. Why bother, when I would never be as successful on my own as I was with the group? But I'm not bitter. It's just the way things go.
So here I am, sitting in my house... alone. My wife and kids are gone. My best friends have moved on with their lives and careers, still remaining successful, and my street cred has most definitely taken a fall. I'm officially at the lowest point of my life. Ever.
But I'm ok.
Because I've got nothing left to lose.
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