Justin grabbed the gray oversized remote and flipped his plasma television off. The glow from the screen had now dulled leaving him in the dark. Talking to Barbara was hard. Not because she could start the tears but because it spurred the memories of the chaotic time when he first the son he had no clue he had.
One year ago….
Justin stood in complete shock. His entire body froze in place as his eyes scanned the small boys face over and over again. Then his heart wholly stopped beating when Trey’s hazel brown eyes fell upon his. Who was this stranger standing before him? Wait he wasn’t a stranger, that was Justin Timberlake! That was his all time favorite singer in the whole wide world, something he had told his mother frequently. If he only knew his all time favorite was his father. Trey and Justin seemed to be in a trance staring at one another until Trey broke his gaze.
"Mommy mommy!!! That’s Justin!!" he squealed. Too shocked herself to say anything, Ashanti kept her eyes on Justin waiting for him to say something. But he didn’t. Instead he turned right around and bolted out of the door as if the house was on fire. "Wait don’t go!" Trey called out but his cry went unheard as Justin jumped in his car and frantically drove away. Trey’s asthma spell was long forgotten about after seeing the star. Over and over he asked his mother if Justin was coming back which broke her heart.
"No sweetie I don’t think he is. Look its way past your bedtime, let’s get you back upstairs ok?"
"Aw…ok." Ashanti placed the small boy back under the sheets and read him a story before drifting off to sleep land. Tonight was just a chaotic night that she wished had never happened. Being with Justin for the first time in years felt fantastic but it led to him finding out about Trey which was unpleasant to say the least. Watching him run out made her heart hurt. She just couldn’t do it anymore. She just wasn’t mentally ready for whatever was to follow because fully knowing Justin meant something bad was about to go down.
~*~
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth if Justin went back and forth in his hotel room one more time he would’ve burnt a hole in the floor. This was not happening, this was soooooooo not happening. Not when life was getting good. He was back on his A game. All the girls he wanted, a top selling cd worldwide, being back with the guys life was smooth. Then this road bump, a child. A child?! No…he didn’t have a child. That was someone else’s child. That was someone else’s baby and Ashanti just went off so no one would know right? Wrong. All those thoughts were just wrong. That child--Trey he thought was his. Looking right at him he knew it was his. They were basically twins besides his light toffee skin. Finally his hysterical pacing stopped right before the king sized bed of his room. Justin plopped down behind him and let the softness of the sheets comfort his tense body. A child….a child….he had a child, a son. Justin tried over and over but failed to swallow the lump in his throat. Not that children weren’t a blessing but at the moment he just didn’t want any. Here he was a 23 year old single male on top of the world with a son. This was going to impact his life in every way possible. What was he going to do? There was only one person in the world he could turn to in this situation.
"Hello?" Lynn groaned. The red dial on her clock red 7:12 am. Who in the devil was calling her this early in the morning? Whoever it was wouldn’t even say anything. All she could hear was the sound of this other person’s hard frenetic breaths. Sounded like they were having a hard time getting in air making her wonder if she should dial 911 for her mystery caller. "Hello?" she called out again hoping that whoever this was could at least catch their breath to say something.
"Ma?" Justin chocked.
"Justin? Is that you?"
"Yeah…"
"What’s wrong baby?" she asked slowly sitting up.
"Everything."
"Everything?"
"Ma…." he cried out again. How was he gonna tell his mother that he had a son? Let alone a 3 year old child? Justin’s mind was running a million miles a minute. He had never been this scared before in his life. Meanwhile Lynn on the other end was growing more with worry. Justin never sounded like this before and quite frankly it was scaring her. "Ma….tell me that you love me."
"What? Justin you know I love you."
"Just tell me!" he screeched, "just tell me that you’ll love me no matter how much I’ll fuck up in life."
"Justin watch your language--now Justin listen to me. You are my son and I love you more than life itself. I’m gonna love you till the day I die and there’s nothing, NOTHING you can do to make that love go away. Now tell me what’s troubling you ok and I’ll do everything I can to help." Lynn’s love speech helped calm Justin’s nerves a little. If she’d love him through it all, she’d love him through this.
"Ma…I got some pregnant." Well that was interesting. Lynn sat slack jawed at the admission of her son’s plight. He got someone pregnant? She didn’t want to alert him on the shock that it delivered but she couldn’t really suppress it either.
"Oh lord" she mumbled to herself.
"But that’s not all." Could it really get any worse? It could but at the moment she wasn’t really thinking that it could.
"He’s three years old."
"HE’S THREE?! WHAT?!" Justin held the phone away from his ear so his mothers yells wouldn’t blow out his ear drum. He knew she’d have some sort of reaction to the fact that he had a son, let alone a son that was already three years old. Please, he knew she’d love him forever but she wasn’t going to pat his back and fill his ears with sweetness.
"Yes…."
"When did you find all of this out?"
"Tonight after I left the club."
"Oh Justin please don’t tell me you’ve been messing around with that Kylie Minogue!! I knew when you touched her rear end no good could come out of it--"
"Wait, wait ma no its not Kylie’s" which he was glad it was not. He had was through with older women, but that story is for another time. "….its Ashanti’s." Lynn sat for a minute to think about the name. Ashanti….Ashanti…then she put two and two together. The beautiful young lady that used to hand around that rapper man was what she thought.
"Ah Ashanti…..ok…" Lynn sat in silence letting everything sink in. Justin in turn grew with worry. His mother wasn’t racist but he wondered was her silence due to the fact that he had a child with a black woman. But that wasn’t the case at all. After the initial shock wore down, a smile grew on Lynn’s face. She had herself a grandbaby. What mother didn’t want one? Maybe not exactly at that the age and bachelorhood of her son. She rather of had him a bit older and married but nothing in life planned was worth it. Surprises were a gift from God, like her grandson. "So I’ve got me a grandson" she smiled, "what’s his name?" Justin blew out a sigh of relief. At least she didn’t scream out: "YOU GOT SOME BLACK GIRL PREGNANT?! AHHHHH!!!!"
"His name is Trey I think."
"You think?! And you said he’s three?"
"Yes mama."
"Oh wow, I am going to have to get up and go to Toys R Us!! I’m gonna have to fix up that extra room we’ve got here so he can come and visi--" Lynn probably would’ve went on and on if Justin hadn’t stopped her. He still hadn’t really met him, let alone good enough to bring him back to Tennessee to visit his new grandmamma.
"Ma, ma wait I still have to meet him."
"What do you mean you still have to meet him?" she asked with guff. Uh oh, that didn’t sound to good. Back to being scared.
"Well…uh, when I saw him…I sort of…um…"
"Well uh, um, eh….spit it out boy!"
"I kind of ran out." Kind of was not the accurate portrayal of his departure upon seeing Trey. It was more like running out in nanoseconds. He really didn’t know what to think or say when he saw him. Just run and run (or drive) as far as he could go. His brain needed to put everything together before it fully understood that he had a living breathing child. Then it was a good idea, now? Not so much and Lynn was gonna let him know just that. After a good stern, yet loving yelling Justin concluded that he had to be there for the son he knew nothing about until tonight. Lynn’s clock read 9:45. She was out of breath and done with her lecture. She could’ve went on but her throat grew dry.
"Now get your act together Justin. You’re a father now! I understand you’re hurt and confused to why Ashanti kept you out of his life but now you have to opportunity to be in that lovely boys life and you won’t regret it. You just won’t. You’re gonna love him more than anything you thought you ever could. You won’t understand me now, but one night you’re just gonna be sitting along side his bed and looking down at him as he’s sleeping and realize that nothing in the world matter but seeing him smile." That alone made all the apprehensions he had of being a father go right out the window. If his mother believed in him, surely he had to believe in himself. Maybe he could be the father that his own father wasn’t to him. Maybe he could be his sons best friend, eating hot dogs at baseball games and teaching him how to play basketball. Maybe he could make his son smile so much that he would know no other feeling than happiness.
~*~
Ashanti silently cursed to herself when the sound of constant banging that filled the silent brownstone’s halls. This fool was gonna get his ass chewed out for waking her up in the middle of the night. Especially after the night she had. Her weary body shuffled down the cherry oak steps to the front door. There standing before her was Justin looking like a hot bundle of pure hell. It was more than apparent that he had cried from the red eyes and flushed cheeks.
"I wanna see him." Not hi, you bitch or gimme my child you skank (even though she really didn’t think he’d say something of that caliber) but ‘I wanna see him.’ She had kept reluctantly kept Trey away from Justin, now he knew of his existence. Therefore there was really no point of keeping him away unless that was what he wanted.
"First room on the right." Justin followed her directions bolting upstairs to the small boys room. Slowly not to wake him, Justin gradually walked into the SpongeBob decorated bedroom. Peacefully he slept not knowing that a few feet before him was his father peering down on his tiny body. He wanted to reach out and hold him but he didn’t want to wake him. So he opted just stare at him.
"He looks just like me" he whispered to himself.
"That he does." Ashanti stood in the doorframe as father looked down at his son. It hurt to see him run out like that but at least he came back. It had to have been almost 20 minutes before Justin said anything else.
"He told me not to go….when I left he screamed for me not to go ‘Shanti."
"I know…."
"I don’t know how to be a father, I’m barely functioning as an adult. Now I’m a father. I don’t think I’m ready for this--" Justin turned to face Ashanti for the first time since entering their luxurious brownstone. She stood perched up against the frame so her legs wouldn’t give out. Basically she was hearing Justin say that he didn’t want to be a part of his sons life. Granted she kept him in the dark and would understand his choice but somewhere deep down wanted him to want a part of Trey’s life. And that he did. Watching one lone tear escape him, he gathered his composure enough to tell her:
"But I’m gonna try."
One year later….
That year was the hardest year of his life. That night he told Ashanti that he was barely functioning as an adult, well boy did he grow up a lot in that one year. It didn’t take long for the media to find out about Trey and hound his every step.
"Justin! Justin! How does it feel to be a father?!?!"
Or
"Justin! Justin! How do you even know its yours?!"
Ok those questions he expected, what he didn’t expect where the tabloids and their vicious headlines. Still to this day some bothered him, though now he wasn’t the topic of choice.
"Justin’s black lover traps him with baby!!"
"Timberlake biracial baby shocker!!"
And with that some of the fans said were ten times worse. The names Ashanti were called after hearing the special appearance he had on TRL to admit that the rumors of his love child were true, the internet sparked a frenzy of angry teenie bopper fans. Names so harsh towards Ashanti and his own son that he cried when he read them. But there was a beacon of hope all compressed in a 35 pound curly head boy. When his mother told him that night he’d love his son more than anything she was right. Trey was his moon, sun and stars, his oxygen, his heart, his soul. That boy brought so many emotions he never knew his body could possess. It didn’t matter that he had to fight the paparazzi off with a stick or endure hash criticism from people he didn’t want to be his fans in the first place with that mentality, no the only thing that mattered was his son. Sometimes he wanted to ask Ashanti exactly why she kept him away but it was blatantly clear why when many people she thought were her friends turned their backs on her and her label mysteriously dropped her.
"We’re sorry Ms. Douglas but your album sales were extremely dismal."
Well that’s what they told her but he knew and she knew. No record label was gonna support the ‘round the way’ girl with a white man’s baby. She was supposed to be with the hottest rapper or up and coming R&B star. Not mother to some leather clad pop star. So Ashanti at the moment wasn’t making music, instead being a full time mother to Trey Timberlake (constant pleading from Justin was cause of the name change.) So the year was both chaotic and astonishing.
~*~
As Justin sat beside Trey’s bed for the first time he realized everything his mother was completely without a shadow of the most wisest person he had and will ever know. Trey slept comfortably, probably dreaming about mystical dragons or crime fighting dogs unmoved by his fathers presence. Right there Justin sighed. His mother was right. He would do anything and I mean anything in this world to make his son smile. That was his one goal in life. Climb the highest mountain, walk on hot coals, anything to make his son happy. That moment there he just had to be with him. Be close and hold him in his arms just to remind him that he was blessed with the greatest kid in the world. He might have not been ready the first time but he was more than ready to try in being the perfect father for Trey. Though his long legs poured over the end of Trey’s small racecar bed, Justin didn’t mind it at all, gathering his still sleeping son in his arms and falling off to sleep for the rest of the night.
~*~
"Put it all the way in your mouth Trey" Justin looked over to his son as the milk from his cereal dribbled down his chin. Thank goodness for bibs or Trey would’ve been a complete mess.
"Ok" he answered. Trey happily dangled his two small legs beneath him as he ate his bowl of apple jacks. Momma always made him eat strawberry wheat oatmeal cuz it was ‘healthy’ yuck! Daddy let him eat anything he wanted, like yummy apple jacks. It took a while for Trey to fully understand that Justin was his father. Being a fan clouded his small mind of the possibility of Justin being his father but with time he grew to understand that the man he ogled on the screen was indeed daddy and not just a performer.
"Daddy I’m done."
"Now come on Trey you have all that milk left. How are you gonna grow big and strong like your pop if you don’t finish it?"
"Aw…"
"No aw…finish your milk Trey." Believe me if he didn’t finish his milk his mother would spit brimstone. Ashanti grew into a health nut overtime and if Trey didn’t get all of his calcium there’d be hell to pay. Trey followed his father’s command on drinking the rest of his cold milk that sat beside his barely finished toast as Justin got up to clear the table. His small lips were wrapped around the tiny blue cup while Justin looked on to make sure that he finished every drop.
"All done!!" he smiled.
"Alright, good job buddy." Before he could walk over and wipe his mouth Trey wiped his milk mustache off with his sleeve. Just like his daddy. "Well um, you can go and watch some Spongebob while I clean up in here ok?"
"Ok, thank you daddy for breakfast."
"You’re welcome guy." Justin assisted his son out of his high chair so he could watch his beloved Spongbob. While cleaning up the kitchen Justin looked over at the clock. 10:47. Ashanti was to be there in 15 minutes but knowing her she’d be a little late due to her "careful" driving. That was if careful meant driving like Ms. Daisy. Girl knew there were people who could run faster than her driving but she claimed she drove slow due to having a child. "What a load of--" he laughed.
"And what of your relationship with Ashanti?"
He wondered that himself. Sometimes when he looked at Trey he saw Ashanti written all over him. Yes he looked more like Justin thanks to those strong Timberlake genes but there were instances where he looked at Trey and thoughts of Ashanti popped up. Many years had passed since their first encounter. He was captivated by her beauty inside and out as cliché as that sounded. Ashanti was the epitome of gorgeous. When she smiled she lit his soul on fire. At night when he was alone he would think about their relationship, if you want to call it that much. The many times they met up in different cities sowing their wild oats while joining their significant others but when the dust settled it was Ashanti or Justin in which they quite often returned to. Their last encounter in the bathroom at the club in England still brought a smile to his face even if it was a year ago. Deep down he still yearned for Ashanti. There was just some magnetic force about her that just kept pulling him further in further in. Between you and me sometimes he would just ask to take Trey to the park just so he could see Ashanti. Didn’t even matter if their conversation was long or short or if she was drilling him on keeping Trey away from junk food as long as he was near her. But alas he never said a word, not one peep. Seeing the after effect of Trey’s reveal, for the first time in his life he was scared. Scared of the criticism that followed. Not so much on his part. Eventually the fans came back around and accepted him, no he was scared on what others would do towards Ashanti. Her career was already kaput due to it all, could she really afford any worse? So he kept his feelings bottled in. Hopefully soon he’d meet someone, someone everyone could accept with open arms and whatnot.
"Daddy? Daddy?" Trey’s voice broke Justin out of his trance.
"Yeah kiddo?"
"The door." For the first time he realized the doorbell was ringing.
"Oh, ok thanks." Removing himself from the sink, Justin grabbed the door. Man could this be the worst time ever! Ashanti dressed in the tightest pink jumpsuit he had ever seen stood before him in an evident huff.
"Justin I’ve been standing out here for like 10 minutes! I thought something was wrong!"
"Sorry--sorry I uh, I was over thinking."
"Ouch, poor brain" she giggled.
"Mommy!!" Trey ran straight into his mothers arms. Carefully she lifted the boy upon her hip and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Hi momma."
"Hey you! What’s up?"
"Nothing, I just had breakfast."
"Oh really…." she moaned looking straight over to Justin’s way.
"Oatmeal--I swear it."
"Mm-hmm, I’ll know when he’s jumping the walls tonight at bedtime."
"Ok….apple jacks but he still got his milk."
"And I drunk all of it" he proudly announced.
"Well that’s better than nothing I suppose. Do you have his bag?"
"Uh yeah" Justin turned around to grab Trey’s bag. "Here I’ll help you take it out."
"Thanks." Justin made it his business to walk behind Ashanti so he could get a good peek at the booty that his hands had once were well acquainted with.
"Get those thoughts out of your head" he chided himself. Well that didn’t work when Ashanti bent over right in front of him to put Trey in his car seat. "Damn is it just me but did her booty get rounder?! Mmm…." There he go again. Justin adjusted his pants so his arousal wouldn’t be seen because if she turned around it would’ve be totally noticeable.
"So" she quickly turned around, "you said your mom is going to be in town Saturday right?"
"Uh, ahem yeah" he coughed.
"Do you think she’ll mind watching Trey. My mom went back to Long Island to visit my aunt Karen for awhile and Alicia invited me to her wedding."
"Oh yeah I heard about Alicia getting married." That was the wedding of the music century. More like the weird wedding of the century. Everybody’s mouth fell open when the learnt recent widower Clive Davis snatched up young protégé Alicia Keys. Sure they worked close together but no one understood where that relationship started and no one wanted to know.
"Yeah well I’m invited to the wedding and I need someone to watch Trey."
"Well I can if you want…"
"Well actually that was my next question. I was kind of wondering if maybe you’d come with me? Its kind of last minute finding a guy to come along and you know I was thinking that maybe you wouldn’t mind?" Would he?! Of course not!! He was a little disturbed by the notion that he was her last choice but maybe this was a sign. She went on a limb to ask him to something very public to join her. Plus it was to an interracial wedding. If Alicia and Clive didn’t care about the looks and stares due to their relationship, why should he? This could be fate…
"Sure I’d love to."
"Sure I’d love to" she mocked with a laugh. Ashanti stepped into her silver Audi. "Its at five so be ready at three ok?"
"Alright see you then, bye little man."
"Bye bye daddy, I love you!" he waved.
"I love you too." Ashanti pulled the car out of the mansion driveway while Justin remained until he couldn’t see her car anymore. Justin laughed to himself as he walked back into the house. Saturday was the day….Saturday was the day that he was going to get Ashanti back. Saturday was the day he was going to get her to fall back in love with him. Saturday was the day that he was going to put all his fears aside and his heart first. This was all gonna happen alright. It was gonna happen on Saturday……
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