“Now, Justin,” Johnny said, trying to rationalize with him. He had held out his hands, trying to keep Justin’s attention. “You know that I like Blair, I do, she’s a great girl.”
He had been pacing through his office, he had even made a path in the carpet. He stopped in front of Johnny and looked him square in the eyes. “Obviously not great enough, though, right?” Justin spat. He was angry… furious… livid.
“That’s not what I said, Justin, and you know it,” Johnny said right back.
Justin raised his eyebrows and began to pace again. “Oh, no you didn’t say it, but the PR people did. Blair’s not good enough? Bad for my image?”
“J, they said it, not me.”
“Bad for my image, Johnny?” Justin asked. “That’s not even original.”
Despite the fact that the door at the end of the hall was closed, Blair could still hear what was being said. Justin was yelling, no doubt pacing. She didn’t particularly like the fact that he paced, she found that it made her nervous. Blair only heard parts of the conversation taking place in the office at the end of the hall. She mostly heard Justin’s voice, raised. He sounded very, very upset. She thought about going to the end of the hall and say hello, make her presence known, but didn’t. She had just walked in the door in time to hear that she wasn’t good enough, bad for his image. At least she could hear the questioning tone to his voice. Blair set her purse and keys down quietly on the table in the entryway and sat on the stairs, listening to the conversation as best she could silently.
“Well,” Justin said, sitting on the edge of the desk. “I’m not sure what you want me to do. This is my life, Johnny. My fucking life!”
Johnny took a seat in the chair behind the desk. “Bottom line, it’s up to you. You figure out what you wanna do. However, the PR reps would like to see some kind of solid commitment or let it go entirely. We went through this with Joe, J.”
“I’m not Joey,” he said.
“No, you’re not,” Johnny shook his head.
“It’s because I’m still out there, isn’t it? It’s because I’ve got people trailing my ass and taking pictures. It’s because I still have to worry about my goddamn image. It’s because I was the fucking favorite of the group, isn’t it?”
Johnny didn’t say anything.
“Get out of here!” Justin shouted, pointing at the office door.
Blair stood from the stairs and walked calmly down the hall, wiping the palms of her hands on the front of her black work pants. Justin yelled at Johnny to leave again and the door flung open. Blair stopped walking and was only standing a few feet away from the friendly black man she met only a few times before and Justin, her boyfriend, whose eyes were red.
“Blair,” Johnny nodded with a tight smile as he passed her on his way to the door.
“Hey, Johnny,” Blair waved half-heartedly.
Justin walked slowly out from under the doorframe of his office and stood in front of Blair. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned down so his face was nestled in the crook of her neck. Blair gradually closed her arms around Justin and stood silently, comforting him. She heard the front door open and close, meaning Johnny had left.
“I’m sorry,” came a muffled apology from Justin, who hadn’t lifted his head yet. “I’m so sorry.”
Blair gently shushed him and rubbed his back. “It’s okay, don’t be sorry.”
Justin lifted his head and took her face in his hands. Blair’s blue eyes shined into his expectantly. “I love you,” he said softly.
Blair tried to smile reassuringly, but she had a feeling it didn’t have the effect she hoped it would. “Me too.”
Justin hugged her tightly again. “How much did you hear?”
“From the part where I wasn’t good enough,” Blair said quietly, looking down and pulling away from Justin. She turned her back towards him and headed the opposite direction, en route to the living room.
Justin sighed heavily and trailed behind her, listening to the sound of her feet on the cold marble floor until she reached the carpet. He watched as she sat on the couch with her arms resting on her bump as she crossed her legs under herself. He knelt down in front of her on the floor and took her hands in his.
“You know I don’t think that you’re not good enough,” Justin told her. “You know that, right?”
Blair nodded, avoiding his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”
Justin waited, hoping she’d look at him instead of looking at a blank part of the wall behind him. “You know I don’t think that.”
“What was it about?” she asked, averting her gaze to her toes. She knew Justin loved her and that he didn’t think she was lower than him. She knew. Sitting down, though, and actually having a conversation about her status and how it was inadequate for some people made her feel about as great as a bug that had just gotten smashed on some concrete.
“Some Paparazzi have taken a few pictures of us and the PR guys at the label don’t think it’s good press. They think it makes me look bad, like a bad role model.”
“So I’m not good enough for you?” Blair asked, her eyes brimmed with tears. “I make you look bad? I’m ruining your career? Your life?”
Justin dropped her hands and brought them up to her face, where his thumbs rubbed the skin below her eyes trying to wipe away her tears. “Blair, come on, baby,” Justin whispered. “You know I don’t think that. You know I love you.”
“I don’t want to make you look bad, J.”
“It’s my life, Blair,” Justin told her, wiping away more tears. “If they don’t like it, they don’t have to deal with it. I don’t care what other people think.”
“You can’t afford to have people hate you.”
“I can’t afford to lose you.”
Blair let out a faint sob. “What now?”
Justin sat up on the couch next to her. She turned herself around and cuddled up next to him and he put his arm around her shoulders. “We live,” he said. “These are our lives and no one will tell us how to live or what to do or when to do it. I’m not ashamed of you, Blair, and I won’t hide you.”
She sniffled.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
