“I look like a balloon,” Blair pouted and flopped onto the king-sized bed in their suite.
It was two weeks before Thanksgiving and they were in the Bahamas, at the Atlantis Resort for a wedding. It was finally time for Joey and Kelly to tie the knot, after waiting a very long time. They had managed to escape the media to have a private destination wedding. Only immediate family and very close friends were invited, so that included each other the guys and a date. For a private and intimate wedding, it was rather extravagant and larger than Blair had expected. Despite the fact that Blair was pregnant and they were on a tropical island, she was having a good time and wasn’t too uncomfortable because of the heat.
“A very cute one, though,” Anna said with a reassuring smile.
Blair sat up and glared at Anna. “You’re lucky,” Blair growled. “I am so sick of being pregnant.” Blair stood up and stood in front of the full length mirror. “Look at me!”
Anna and Blair had decided to go back to Blair and Justin’s room to get away from the wedding excitement as well as Justin, who happened to be annoying Blair. The wedding was actually the next day, so that night was just the rehearsal dinner. Anna was already dressed and they were in the process of getting the dress Blair had packed for the rehearsal dinner right now.
“Honey,” Anna said, appearing behind Blair in the mirror. “You’re gorgeous, and I’m sure that the whole pregnant thing adds to your beauty.”
Blair rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Anna.”
“I’m serious, Blair,” Anna said with a smile. “You look great in that dress, you have no reason to feel self-conscious. You’re pregnant, it’s not like you can go around wearing a size two!”
Blair looked at her reflection; she was wearing a strapless black dress with little pink ribbons tied across the bust area. It really was a cute dress and it didn’t really look that bad. Maybe she was just in a bad mood. And, as always, Anna had a point; she was right. What was Blair thinking, that she could expect to wear all of her normal clothes? In all honesty, even when she wasn’t pregnant, she didn’t wear a size two.
Just then, Justin poked his head in the door of the bedroom and smiled brightly at the two women staring at their reflections in the mirror. “Hey, ladies,” Justin said, stepping inside the bedroom. He approached Blair and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders, but she shifted and took two steps away from him.
“Not now,” she spat.
“What’s up?” Anna asked, resting her hands on her hips. She shifted her gaze from the mirror to Justin.
“Jace wanted me to see what you were up to,” Justin replied, sticking his hands in the pockets of his black pants. “He said if you’re not busy, he’d love to see you. I mean, I would too if my girlfriend ditched me to hang out with someone else all day. Oh wait, that happened.”
Blair glared at him while Anna just smirked.
“Okay then,” Anna said, smoothing the front of her own black halter dress, “I guess I will go and see him for a while before dinner.”
“Bye, Annie,” Justin waved. Anna smiled and shook her head as she left their suite. She hated it when he called her that, and he knew it.
Blair wasn’t sure why she felt so annoyed by Justin. Perhaps she was just sick of being pregnant. She got sick of the repetition; she felt like she had been in the same state for a very long time. Ever since the episode with his public relations staff thinking that his relationship with her seemed ‘unfit’ for his social status as well as celebrity, Justin had made it a point to show the world he loved her. That included taking her to events and galas. Not that Blair wasn’t grateful and awed by her experiences with him, she just didn’t feel like she needed that kind of focus on her. She believed that if he just told her he loved her that was enough; she didn’t need to be assured by public appearances and fancy outfits, that, of course, she could only wear once, and expensive dinners. She didn’t need that. What she needed was to know that he cared, and she already had that.
At first, it seemed like a breath of fresh air. She enjoyed the attention, but it got wearing after a while. She could no longer walk into a store to buy a new pair of shoes or even groceries without some photographers waiting for her to reemerge from the store. There she was, a normal girl, thrown into the spotlight because her boyfriend was an internationally known megastar. She knew that she probably shouldn’t feel irritated by all of the attention, but she couldn’t help feel as though Justin was trying too hard. It was as if he was trying to prove to her that he was genuine and didn’t care what people said. That was fine, she knew he was genuine, but she didn’t need to be convinced. She didn’t want to be someone he carted around to social events because he wanted to rub the fact that he was his own person in the faces of his management and public relations staff.
The more events she attended, she got the feeling that he wasn’t trying to convince her he loved her, he was trying to convince himself that he was right. He needed to prove to himself that he was doing the right thing. He didn’t need public relations to look after him and tell him who to date, where to go, and what to do.
“What’s wrong, B?” Justin asked, walking out of the bedroom and flopping down on the couch before they all had to go down to the ballroom their party had rented for the rehearsal dinner.
Blair considered telling him that she just didn’t feel well, but that would have been a lie. She thought of her next option: telling him that she was annoyed by the fact that she feels he’s using their relationship to get back at his management staff, but quickly crossed that one off the list as well. “Nothing,” she said sitting in the overstuffed chair a few feet away from him.
“It seems like something’s wrong.”
“Just leave me alone for a while, okay?”
Justin raised his eyebrows, put up his hands in defense and said, “Okay.”
“So,” Wendy said, sticking a fork in her glass of ice water and taking out a few ice cubes out and putting them in Lance’s glass, who took no notice since he was talking to the guests of honor, Joey and Kelly. “What are the plans for thanksgiving? I think I remember Lance telling me something, but, for the life of me, I can’t seem to remember.”
Blair looked to Justin, assuming Wendy was talking to Justin more than she was to her.
“I thought we were all gonna do it at my place,” Justin shrugged, glancing at Blair.
“Actually, Nikki called to solidify plans for Thanksgiving at her house,” Blair said quietly.
“Who’s Nikki?” Wendy asked, pushing her water away from her. There were only about three or four ice cubes in her glass now while Lance’s glass was almost overflowing, since Lance hadn’t bothered to drink his water. He had gone straight to the champagne.
“Nikki’s my sister,” Blair said, turning her head away from Justin.
“Oh,” Wendy smiled as she took no notice of Lance’s arm snaking around her waist, “That’ll be fun.”
Blair just nodded with a forced smile.
The night had begun a long time ago and it didn’t seem that it was going to end anytime soon. As the night wore on, Blair felt herself growing tired. She felt bad to keep yawning, but she couldn’t help it. She was getting tired. Everyone around her was drinking and laughing loudly and recalling memories. Blair really was having a great time, she loved being around all of Justin’s friends and being part of this wedding bliss. It just seemed like she was the only one not drinking, and that’s never fun.
“You’re leaving?” Kelly asked with a glass of champagne in her hand.
Blair yawned unintentionally. “Yeah.”
Kelly wrapped her arms around Blair. “Thank you for everything, B.”
“Kel,” Blair laughed, hugging her back. “You don’t need to thank me! I didn’t do anything. I should be thanking you for being so nice and welcoming me in with open arms and being my friend.”
“Oh, Blair,” Kelly said, suddenly tearing up. “You’re so great.”
“You’re so great,” Blair said back.
“So I’ll see you in the morning?” Kelly asked, wiping her eyes.
“Of course!” Blair smiled brightly.
“Oh good.”
“It’s your wedding, silly. Of course I’ll be there,” Blair laughed. Poor Kelly, Blair thought, she was going to be hung-over tomorrow. “Oh, and you look fabulous.”
“Oh, I meant to tell you that earlier,” Kelly said with a wave of her hand. “You look so beautiful in that dress.”
Blair rolled her eyes but smiled graciously nonetheless. “So I shall see you in the morning, bright and early.”
“Okedoke,” Kelly smiled and hugged her once again. “Sleep well, B.”
Blair left the ballroom alone. She hadn’t bothered to let Justin know that she was leaving. He’d figure it out soon enough. Kind of a bitchy thing to do, she knew, but decided she didn’t care. Lately, after pondering the importance of their relationship, she had come to the conclusion that she needed to distance herself from him. Not necessarily to test him or anything, just to figure out exactly how she felt about him. When they first started spending time together she could have been blinded by his amazing appearance and generosity. Of course she still cared about him, but she had gotten to the point where she was questioning their love.
When Blair reached the room she sighed and leaned against the door for a moment. She should be feeling more blessed than she was. She felt like she was being unfair to everyone around her. She had upset her family and betrayed her parents. She had taken advantage of the generosity of Justin’s friends. She was now putting Justin through hell again because she wasn’t sure how she felt about him anymore. There she was in an remarkably beautiful place, where she should have been soaking up sun, reveling in beauty and love and she was sitting in the resort suite pouting. There was definitely something wrong.
Blair unzipped her own dress and slipped out of it. She walked across the bedroom to their suitcases in her undergarments, trying to locate her pajamas. She just wanted to forget about the thoughts in her head. Blair didn’t hear Justin open the door to the suite.
“Blair?” Justin asked.
Blair jumped and hugged her pajamas close to her body to cover up. As if he hasn’t seen me before, she thought bitterly. “What?”
“Thanks for telling me you were leaving,” he said sarcastically as he stood under the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. His tie was loosened around his neck and the first buttons were undone.
“You found me,” she said in a tone she could have done without. She quickly pulled her shirt over her head. “It’s not like I went far.”
“What’s going on, Blair?” Justin asked, walking further inside the room and sitting on the bed. He pulled his tie out from under his collar and began to unbutton his shirt. He tried to take no notice of Blair’s ability to freely dress in front of him. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” Blair said, walking into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth.
Justin stood up and undid his belt. He decided he’d change his own clothes while he was at it. “B, come on. We need to talk about it.”
Blair started taking off her make up and ignored him.
Justin threw on a clean undershirt and a pair of pajama pants. He entered the bathroom, stood behind Blair and stared at her reflection. “Blair,” was all he said but wore an expression of expectation.
Blair rolled her eyes and continued to remove her make up. Once she was finished, she turned around to face him. “What is it with you and confrontation?” she asked incredulously. “Justin, I don’t want to talk about it right now because you’re gonna get upset and then tomorrow’s gonna be… it’s their wedding and it… we don’t need to spoil any of the fun.”
Justin stared at her in disbelief. What was this, what was going on? What did she mean?
Blair turned around when Justin didn’t say anything and began to wash her face. Justin didn’t move from his spot behind her. He knew something was wrong. He knew. She had been acting strange all week and a little bit before then. He didn’t know what else to do. For a while, he just thought of it as issues with hormones and regular Justin’s-annoying-me kind of stuff, but now, he realized, it was much more than that. She was having a problem, and he would love to help her through it, but he was afraid she wasn’t even going to let him try. He didn’t understand what was wrong. He took her to nice places, showed the world that he cared about her, bought her beautiful gifts, introduced her to all kinds of people, and she still wasn’t happy? What else could he do?
Blair grabbed her toothbrush and began to brush her teeth, all the while ignoring Justin’s presence. He noticed that she was brushing her teeth and decided he might as well brush his own teeth as well. They stood in silence brushing their teeth. When she finished, Blair stepped around Justin and went towards the bed. She sat on he bed with her hands crossed in her lap, waiting for Justin to emerge from the bathroom.
Justin stood in front of her with his hands on his hips. Blair had tilted her head up to look at him and without warning her eyes filled with tears.
“Talk to me, Bunny,” Justin said quietly as he leaned against the wall behind him.
Blair blinked back her tears and looked down to her hands. Her fingers were intertwined with her own and picking at her newly manicured fingernails, chipping the pink polish away.. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what?” Justin asked.
Blair took a deep breath. “It was stupid of me to believe that we could actually just be normal.”
“What’s normal?”
Defeated. “Not this,” Blair said, barely audible, as she shook her head.
“Just tell me, Blair,” Justin said, getting upset. “Tell me what you want. Just say it.”
Silence.
“Blair-”
“I don’t know,” she said loudly so she could be heard over his voice. “I don’t know what I want. I’m confused. I love you, I do, I just… I think I need some time to figure things out.”
Did he hear that right? “Figure things out? What things?”
“I want to break up,” she declared.
Justin’s eyes widened in shock as his jaw dropped. “You what?”
“You asked me what I want,” Blair said, closing her eyes. “That’s what I want. I want to break up.”
