“What are you doing up?” Blair heard a familiar voice ask from the kitchen table. From the dim light of the refrigerator, Blair could tell it was her father. He sat at the table with a bowl in front of him and the gallon of milk sitting next to him in his pajamas.
“I should ask you the same thing,” Blair smirked, closing the refrigerator door and opening the freezer door. She grabbed a pint of ice cream, a spoon from a drawer and joined her father at the table.
She had padded down the hallway passed Ryan and Nikki’s room, her niece and nephew’s rooms, down the stairs, through the living room and to the kitchen, reaching her final destination. She liked the coolness of the wood floor beneath her feet when she had reached the kitchen. She tossed the lid of the pint of ice cream onto the oak table, not bothering to place it on the placemat in front of her. She picked up her spoon and dug in.
“I couldn’t sleep so I decided to have a little snack,” he smiled then took a bite of the sugary cereal in front of him. At his home, they didn’t have cereal like the kind he was eating because it wasn’t good for his cholesterol Debbie said. So, in times like these, he would indulge in secret.
“Me too,” Blair said, digging into the ice cream.
“I won’t tell if you don’t tell,” Jim said.
“Scouts honor,” Blair held up three fingers with a smile.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Blair thought of telling her father about the move to New York. She had faith that he wouldn’t be upset, that he might even offer to help in any way he could. She had always felt closer to her father than her mother, and sometimes that bothered her. Her friends in high school were always really close to their mothers, often telling them intimate secrets of their everyday lives, but Blair had always confided in Kirsten. They were closer in age and seemed to go through much of the same things. Blair and Nikki were very different from each other, but that never seemed to hurt their relationship, it just wasn’t as strong as her and Kirsten’s relationship.
Blair took a few more bites of ice cream before putting the lid back on and placing it back in the freezer. She returned to the table as her father was standing up to put his bowl in dishwasher. He looked back at Blair, who was watching him.
“Dad?” Blair asked quietly.
“What, hon?”
“Can I tell you something?”
As if she even needed to ask. Jim padded back to the table and took his original seat next to Blair.
“I wanted to tell you that I’ve been offered a job in New York City,” Blair said quietly. “And I wanted you to know that I’m going to take it. I, um, I’ve been looking for an apartment and I think I’ve found one. I’ll be moving in the next few weeks to get settled and get used to the set and everything, meet the producers and set people, my co-host and stuff.”
“Producers?” Jim asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Blair said with a smile. “I’m going to be hosting a show on the Food Network.”
Jim’s face broke into a smile. “That’s great, sweetie,” he said, “that was your dream.”
Blair shrugged but couldn’t hide her smile. “More or less.”
“Well, Blair, that’s something to be proud of. You’ve worked hard to get there and you’ve done it,” Jim leaned in to give Blair a hug. “I’m proud of you, baby.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Blair whispered, hugging her father back. “I’m proud of me too.”
“What about Justin?” Jim asked after a moment, “If you don’t mind me asking….”
Blair looked to her lap and began to wring her hands. “What about him?”
“Is he planning on moving with you then?” Jim asked, “How is that going to work?”
Blair closed her eyes and sighed. “We’re not… together… anymore… and he doesn’t… know I’m moving,” she said slowly.
Jim shook his head and sighed deeply. That was not what he wanted to hear. Not at all. He didn’t want his baby girl raising a child alone in a big city far away from home and the rest of her family. Jim didn’t like Justin, let that be clear. But then again, he didn’t like Dave or Ryan when both Nikki and Kirsten first introduced them to him. On the other hand, Blair was in a different situation. When he met Dave and Ryan, his daughters weren’t pregnant with their children. Dave and Ryan weren’t international superstars, a fact Jim had found out after searching the internet after their introduction.
The superstar part of Justin didn’t set Jim at ease.
With Ryan and Dave, Jim didn’t really have to worry that they would up and leave Nikki and Kirsten. Sure, it happened all the time to other couples, but it was plain to see that those men adored his daughters. He didn’t have to worry about either one of those men leaving his girls for a long period of time for business. Ryan, upon having children, actually decided that he wouldn’t go on business trips for an extended amount of time as much as he used to unless his family could come with him. Jim saw the dedication Ryan had for Nikki, and he liked it. He saw adoration Dave had for Kirsten by the way he looked at her and the way whenever he and Kirsten were close, he would always reach for her hand. Jim remembered that trait from when he and Debbie were first married.
But Justin made Jim nervous. Jim didn’t know what Justin stood for, what was important to him, what he believed in, what he was looking for in life, what his future might hold. Superstardom was something Jim knew nothing about. He wanted to believe that Justin loved Blair and would die before ever leaving her by herself, but he wasn’t so sure now, now that Blair had just informed him that they were no longer dating.
“What happened, Blair?” Jim asked calmly, “Why aren’t you two together anymore?”
Blair didn’t speak. She began to bounce her knee and avoid her father’s gaze. Blair ran her tongue over her teeth, wishing she would have brushed her teeth. The licked her lips quickly and inhaled shakily. “I panicked, okay?” Blair snapped at her father.
She wasn’t angry with him and she quickly apologized for her outburst, but those questions had been the last straw. Those questions had been swirling unanswered in her mind for the past two weeks. She was sick of not knowing the answer and hearing the words out loud set her off. It made the situation real, and after hearing the words she was surprised to find she had the answer.
Blair explained to her father why she panicked, as she put it. She told him that she was feeling like she was losing control of herself. She told him she felt as though she was falling in love with him faster than she thought she would/could/should. The loving him part of their relationship was coming so quickly and that scared her. She hadn’t known anything so intense and wonderful coming so fast because she had always been told how her parents had dated for many years before even saying they loved each other. She had heard from both Kirsten and Nikki that they had started from small beginnings and after a while they knew that both Dave and Ryan were the one.
Justin was the first boy- no, man- that Blair had ever said ‘I love you’ to and actually meant it with every particle of her being. He shook her to her core, and that feeling was something she wasn’t used to. She put in plain words that her fear of falling sent her over the edge and made her back out because she was afraid. After articulating that first hurdle Blair didn’t even wait for her father’s comments. She went on to explain that she knew Justin loved her, loved her with everything he had. She stressed the fact that he did love her and that he was a good man. She told her father that Justin did nothing but love her and she had ruined it.
She told her dad about the parties and magazines. Her father nodded and his eyes told her that he had seen her face on a few of the magazines at the grocery store. She told him that she felt smothered and that their relationship was less personal now. Now that they paraded around social events, it made their relationship more of a publicity stunt rather than anything else. She explained that at first it was exciting, but now it seemed mechanical, expected, and impersonal. She was afraid that their relationship was going to die anyway.
Blair said that she still loved him and wanted to be with him, but felt that he needed to figure things out for himself. She didn’t think he knew exactly what he wanted. She found that he often acted on impulse, and that was making her crazy. What he needed was to think through important decisions and decide what it was that he wanted. She wanted Justin to realize for himself that he needed her as much as she needed him. She wanted to believe that Justin would choose to be with her.
