Regina Parker sat at her computer, and opened her email account. Scanning the list of subjects and senders, she recognized a name she hadn't seen in a very long time. She immediately opened it, excited to hear from him finally. A wide smile spread over her face as she read.
"Hey Regina. Just checking in on you, seeing how you are. We haven't talked in forever! I know, I haven't stopped by in a while, and that's my fault. But I've been busy with a bunch of crap, and haven't been able to catch a flight up there to visit. Yes, my phone still works, even though I'm terrible at returning messages. You knew that. But there's a reason I'm writing (other than to prevent you from throttling me)… It's my birthday soon. You knew that, I'm sure. Don't I share your brother's birthday? Anyway. Party. Yeah. LOL It's gonna be at my place in L.A. on the Saturday after the fourth. Sound good? Email me back, or call me, whichever. I promise I'll check my messages. I swear. And I'll be expecting an R.S.V.P. I want you there. I'll fly you out and everything, just tell me you can come. It'll be a blast, and I miss you. Talk to you later!
Love,
Lance"
Regina clicked 'reply,' and began typing feverishly.
"LANCE! What's been up with you, doll? Geez, I miss you! I hope you've been having a good time with all your movie endeavors. You should think of me next time you go to one of those things. That would be fun… you and me running around a film festival. LOL So. About this party business. Are you sure you want me there? Is he going to be there? Because if he is, I'm not sure I want to go. I mean, I will, for you, but I don't know. Opening a wound like that could be dangerous. Put me down as a yes, and book a flight. Let me know when and what airline. Just know that I'm apprehensive. *sigh* I'm doing this because I love you. And I know your birthday party wouldn't be complete without me. So there. I'll see you the Saturday after the fourth.
Love,
Regina"
She clicked 'send,' and sighed. Biting her lip, she got up and went to the kitchen to get an apple. Chewing thoughtfully as she leaned against the counter, a memory popped into her head of the man she was dreading reuniting with in two week's time.
*FLASHBACK*
First day of high school. Tenth grade. She was 15, in a different school, separated from a lot of her friends, and now she had to go to homeroom. She'd never had homeroom before. Apparently it was where you got mixed up with upperclassmen or whatever, and had to sit there for a half an hour, not really doing anything except listening to announcements and saying the pledge of allegiance. When she got there, she only saw one empty desk, in the back corner of the small classroom. It was next to a pretty attractive guy, so she didn't mind, especially when he smiled at her, his oddly familiar eyes almost clrinkled shut in the cutest way. Grinning back, she set her backpack on the floor and sat at what was going to be her desk for the entire year.
The plump teacher remained seated at her desk while she was talking to them. Regina wasn't paying much attention. She did, however, when the teacher instructed the class to introduce themselves. Regina felt a few butterflies in her belly, but she was keen to hear the name of the boy next to her.
"Josh Chasez, senior," he said when it was his turn, as he flipped his pencil from finger to finger, and bouncing his right leg as most guys do.
"Regina Parker, sophomore," she said lastly, and she saw every eye in the room on her. When everyone else had turned around to face front, Regina tuned the teacher out again. She felt one last pair of eyes on her, however, and when she turned in Josh's direction, there were his slate blue eyes, meeting her green eyes in an engaging lock. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew him. From somewhere. Somehow, she knew him. Past life? It wasn't a physical thing, either. She didn't recognize his face. It was his eyes, and what they did to her when he looked in her direction. Sighing, she smiled, and went about fiddling with her binder, not holding his gaze any longer.
*END FLASHBACK*
Regina's phone rang.
"Allo?" she muffled through a mouthful of apple.
"You're coming, then?" a deep voice fell out of the receiver.
"I said I would. I meant it."
"Okay, cause you sounded kind of on the fence about it."
"I'm not on the fence about your party. I'm on the fence about seeing him. I haven't seen Josh in over two years. Anyone would be freaked about that. Come on, you know what happened." Regina wandered to her couch, the cordless phone between her ear and shoulder, bringing one knee to her chest as she sat. She proceeded to pick the lint from her sock.
Lance sighed. "Honey, come on. You two are adults now. He's got his life, you've got yours. Things are totally different, and I was hoping you two could put things aside for my birthday at least." Easy for him to say.
"That's the bad thing, Lance. There's nothing to put aside. We haven't spoken since he dropped the bomb. That was the last time I saw him, and I haven't heard from him, either. All I know is what people tell me." She rested her head on the back of the couch, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Then I don’t know what to tell you, other than to work it out. Just no fights at my party, please."
"Babe, I wouldn't dream of ruining your party. You know me better than that. You've been my best friend for the past couple of years, and… even though we both have crazy schedules, we're right where we left off every time we talk. Your friendship is way too special for me to screw it up by fighting with Josh. He may have been my friend first, but you're the one who's stood the test of time, obviously. I don't know if I could name anyone that I still hang out with from that time in my life, other than my church posse." Regina giggled at her word usage. Lance laughed with her.
"I guess you're right. No, I know you're right." She heard him sigh again. "Continental Airlines, flight 3270, SeaTac to LAX, May 7. The return flight is whenever you choose. Heh. It pays to have connections."
Regina grinned as she scribbled the information on a scrap piece of paper on the side table. "M'kay. I guess I'll see you in a couple weeks, then?"
"Yeah."
"You gonna be there to pick me up?" One eyebrow was raised.
"I'll do something." He had a mischeivous tone in his voice, but Regina decided to ignore it.
"All right, Bub. Thanks for the flight, by the way. Oh, uh, what do you want for your birthday?" She heard him snicker.
"What? There's something I want that I don't already have?" Lance continued to laugh.
"Ass. You know what I mean. What do you want from me for your birthday?" Her grin was obvious on the other end of the line.
"Well, if I told you what I wanted from you on my birthday, and you got it for me, it wouldn't be a surprise."
"Hmm. Guess I'll just have to bring a Pussycat Doll or something, then." She could hear his testosterone start to flow in his veins.
"Woo! Right on. Yes. Get me a Pussycat Doll. As long as I get to keep her."
Regina snorted. "Right. I'll get you a CD of good music. Something I know you don't have." Her mind floated to her own CD collection.
"Sounds good. But really, all I need is for you to be here." The sincerity in his voice made her smile. "I've just missed your presence, I guess. You know, being able to give you a hug if I want to."
"Me too. I can't wait. God, now that I know I'm coming down, I'm gonna be all excited. Thanks, honey." Her grin was wide now, and she was happy. He could hear her smile, and he couldn't wait for her to get there.
He smiled, glad he could help her mood lift. "You're welcome, punkin'. Call me before you get on the plane, okay? I want to know if I need to call a search party on you. Talk to you soon?"
"Yeah. Bye."
"Bye."
Pressing the button that ended the call, she set the phone beside her on the couch, and roughly ran her hands over her face and through her hair. She continued the slow chewing of her bottom lip, and got up. Regina needed to find something.
In her garage, she headed for a tupperware storage box labeled "HS STUFF" and pulled it down. She set it on the cold concrete floor, and pried open the lid. She dug through the box until her eyes caught the item she was searching for. She freed it from the confines of the container, noticing her breath stopping for a minute as she held it in her hands. She didn’t dare open it there. This would require tea and a blanket. Maybe even Kleenex. She wasn't sure.
*FLASHBACK*
As they had been doing the last few months, Regina passed a note to Josh in homeroom. This particular note discussed the incompetency of their band and orchestra teacher, his girlfriend, and her crush. He laughed quietly as he read her joke at their teacher's expense, and nodded slowly, his eyes still on the note, when he got to the update on the interaction of her and her crush. This had been a topic of much debate between them, as her crush continued to ignore her, and it was becoming more than Regina could take. She would ask Josh if he thought she was pretty, just to make sure she wasn't shooting for someone out of her league. He was ambiguous about it, not giving her a straight answer. He would just smile at her, say she was, and kiss her forehead. Their conversation about his girlfriend was a continuation of a daily routine they had, also. Regina thought Cathryn had been treating Josh like garbage, and Josh just wasn't seeing it, in her opinion.
Over the course of those months, they became fast friends. He would give her rides home, just so she wouldn't have to walk the mile home, and so they'd have time to talk. They hugged every time they saw each other in the hallway, except if Cathryn was on his arm. Josh made sure to wink at her, though, and she would just pass quietly, smiling to herself. She had discovered that Josh was an exceptionally sensitive guy, and because of that, she felt completely comfortable with him. He had become her protector and an older brother figure. Not to mention the fact that they were both musicians; he played the trumpet, and she played the violin. It seemed to seal the deal that they had the same taste in just about everything. Trust was immediate, as was compassion and loyalty. It truly was as if they were meant to be in each other's lives.
Sophia took the piece of paper Josh had just finished writing on.
"Hmm. I'll have to talk to Brock about this. I see him at lunch, so I'll put in a good word for you. Can you meet me in the band room after school? I'll take you home. I also have something I need to give you," his boyish scrawl told her.
She looked over at him with one eyebrow raised. "What?" she mouthed to him. He shook his head. She knew she'd find out later, so she just shrugged and nodded. He nodded back, and they heard the bell ring, releasing them from homeroom. He hugged her outside the classroom, and they walked their separate ways for the day.
Around lunch time, Sophia was standing at her locker, when her friend Tara came up to her and repeated something to her that she had been asked to pass along.
"Hon, I'm not sure how to say this except to just tell you." She sighed. "Brock says he doesn't like you like that. He wants you to leave him alone. I'm so sorry, Sophie." Tara tried to put an arm around her. Sophia felt tears spring immediately to her eyes, and her chin began to uncontrollably quiver. Slamming her locker shut, she wiggled from Tara's grip, and sped outside, down the stairs, and to the band room where she knew Josh was. Sophia felt as if her chest were ripping apart.
All she had to do was walk into the room. He looked up, and saw her face, streaked with tears. Concern flooding his eyes, he strode over to her, enveloping her in a tight hug, no questions asked. After her sobs subsided a little, he took her hand and pulled her to a practice room and closed the door. He sat on a wooden chair, and patted his lap. She sat, wrapped her arms around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder, and started bawling. She felt him rub his hands up and down her spine in an attempt to comfort her, and she heard his quiet "Shh." It was sweet and constant, and she could tell he was hurting with her.
"Honey," Josh whispered, and he watched her pull away from his shoulder. He reached up and wiped her tears from her cheeks. "It's him, isn't it? He doesn't deserve you. Okay? Really. He's an ass. You're better off without him." His eyes were sorrowful for her, his voice was soft, and all she could do was clench her jaw and nod. Her eyes squinted, and a few more tears were squeezed out, tumbling onto her cheeks. Josh's thumbs caught them immediately. "You gonna be okay?" She nodded again.
"I think I'll be able to make it through French and Bio." Her voice quivered, and her chest fought to inhale and exhale properly. Feeling Josh's hand over her back helped calm her, and after kissing his cheek sweetly, she stood. After exiting the practice room into the band room, they checked her watch, and they both realized they had to get to class. "I'll meet you here after school." They both walked outside.
"All right, Sophie. See you then." He squeezed her hand gently, gathering his bookbag and walking the separate direction. She watched him walk away, then turned to attend her own classes.
*END FLASHBACK*
It was a single folded piece of college ruled notebook paper. Blue ink, the sloppy cursive of a male was visible, and it took all Sophia had to not open it and read it right there. This was it, the note she'd been looking for. She stuffed it in the rear pocket of her jeans to keep herself from reading it right away, and she went back to the kitchen to make tea. As soon as the kettle whistled, she poured the boiling water over the raspberry herbal tea bag in her Café de la Teur d'Eiffel mug that her brother bought her from a trip to Las Vegas. When she reached her couch, she pulled the note from her pocket, and sat, and swung her legs onto the couch. She pulled the throw blanket over her legs and set her tea on a coaster. Unfolding the letter, she looked for the part of the letter where she knew she had finally fallen for him:
"There is something I have to tell you. Do you remember when you asked me if you were pretty? Well, I said you were, but that wasn't half of it. I have waited to tell you so long that I think you are beautiful, but I never thought that you wanted to hear me of all people say that, but it is the truth. You're rad. I don't know how you are going to take this news, but who cares? It's how I feel, and you deserve the truth. I feel that I owe that much back to you for all your help with my shitty love life.
Well, you always ask, "How are you and Cathryn?" The answer is we're in trouble. I caught her lying to me again today, and I called her on it. I told her that I knew she was lying and that I was hurt. I felt bad about saying what I said, but it was the truth and I was pissed. Not only did she lie to me, but she broke her promise that she wouldn't skip school anymore. Today (well, by the time your read this, it will be yesterday) she went PROM DRESS shopping. FUCK! Sorry bout that. I am so mad that I am ready to move on and forget her. Except I find myself wanting to forgive her.
Well, ran out of room. I will continue this in HR tomorrow (today).
Love,
Josh"
Folding the letter again, Sophia sat back, letting the couch support her. She had almost forgotten how sensitive Josh was. Cathryn had seemed to have a power over him that he couldn't control. Being a third party, Sophia could see right through her.
Having read the note again, a warm glow came over her. It was like she was 16 again.
~*Three Days Later*~
Sophia's cell phone rang, and Lance was on the other end.
"Hey. gorgeous! What's going on?"
"Hey yourself… Not much. I'm just driving home from work. How about you?"
"Eh, well. Just thought I'd call to make sure you were still coming."
"Did you not believe me when I said I would? Actually that reminds me, I still need to go get your present." Sophia made a right turn, the opposite direction from her house, headed towards the local mall.
"Well, I know how you like to change your mind." He was half-joking, but with the circumstances, he wanted to make sure she was okay.
"I'll be fine, honey. Really. I'm feeling better about the whole thing, and frankly, it's in the past."
"You sure? Cause I don't want you to get there thinking you'll be okay, and then not be able to be in the same room with him when you do see him." He sighed. "I just don't want you to lock yourself in the bathroom again."
Sophia sighed. "Dude. That was once, and I think I was entitled to do it. He killed me that day." She pushed the catch in her throat to her belly. She hoped he wouldn't hear it. Lance had been there the day she found out what Josh had been holding on to. Bile worked its way up her throat.
"I know." He couldn't bear remembering the state she had been in that day. "Well, I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you buy me something good." He tried to smile.
"I will, doll. Talk to you soon." She hung up without waiting for him to say goodbye. She exited her car after parking it, and walked into Borders Books & Music, She wandered around the store, making her way to the music section, and fingered through some titles. Picking up one displayed, she put the corresponding headphones on, and waited for the song to play.
What's it been, over a decade? / It still smarts like it was four minutes ago / We only influenced each other totally / We only bruised each other even more so
What are you, my blood? / You touch me like you are my blood / What are you my dad? / You affect me like you are my dad
How long can a girl be shackled to you / How long before my dignity is reclaimed / How long can a girl stay haunted by you / Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name / Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Where've you been? / I heard you moved to my city / My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you / My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again
What are you my god? / You touch me like you are my god / What are you my twin? / You affect me like you are my twin
How long can a girl be tortured by you? / How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you / Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name / Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing / A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in / This man knows not of how this information has affected me / But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in
What are you my kin? / You touch me like you are my kin / What are you my air? / You affect me like you are my air
Flinch by Alanis Morissette
Sophia put the headphones back where they belonged, and had to walk away. Not necessarily because of the song, but to keep from sinking to the floor. Sophie, get yourself together. It's just Josh. It's just Josh…
As she walked through the mall, passing other stores, trying to think of Lance and what she should get him for his birthday, her mind settled on a memory of Josh that she couldn’t shake.
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