I walked into the party not expecting to see him here. We share mutual friends..but he's always too busy. How could he have time for something like this?
God, she looks gorgeous. She's even prettier than the last time I saw her. I don't know how that's possible, but she is. The last time I saw her... man, It seems like ages ago. She looked so hurt…so sad. I didn't have a reason really, I was just a chicken.
I never thought it would hurt so bad to see him again. Every emotion that I felt that day is flooding back to me. Now I feel like I am drowning. Not only in my emotions, but in the blue eyes that just looked into mine.
I need to talk to her. When I look in her eyes I can tell she's longing for some type of closure.
Oh man, he's walking this way. I don't know if I can tell him. As much as I want to, it just might be to hard.
"Hey C." I miss calling her that. I never knew it could feel so good to say someone's name.
"Hello Justin, and you can call me Chloe now. You lost the right to call me 'C' a long time ago."
Wow, that was harsh. She does have the right to be bitter, I just didn't expect her to be. She was always so kind, loving, and innocent.
Lay off Chloe! God, that was rude…but he sort of deserves it.
"So how are you doing?"
Oh, the dreaded question. I was hoping and praying he wouldn't ask me how I was doing. It's a simple question, I know, but when everyone else asks me I can tell them the truth. I don’t know if I can tell him. The truth is I'm really not ok, but when he asks me it all of a sudden becomes so complex. I have thought about my answer to this question a million times over. Do I tell him the truth or do I take the easy way out. "I'm doing just fine. How about you?" Yep, I took the easy way out. Like you would want to open all those wounds from the past and leave yourself completely vulnerable.
The last thing I want is to be vulnerable around him. Once I get to that point there's no return. There is no denying him, and I can't put myself in that position, I refuse to.
Fine? Wow, I didn't expect that. She looks so burdened and so weighed down. I know she's lying to me, but I can't make her open up to me. I have no right to ask her to, after all, it was me not opening up to her that messed up our relationship. I lied and I deceived her, the only person I ever
really loved. "I'm doing ok. The tour is keeping me pretty busy."
Silence. What do I do now? All I can do is stand here with no words coming to my mouth. I should really tell him how I feel. I should tell him that I miss the way his hand felt in mine, and the way he guided me by putting his hand on the small of my back.
Her hair. I just want to lean over and kiss her neck, inhale the sweet scent of her perfume mixed with her shampoo. She looked like an angel from across the room, then she spoke, and I could have swore that she was some type of
heavenly being. She has to be, because no one I have ever met sounds the way she does when she speaks.
Look at his face. His eyes, his mouth, his cheeks. I love his mouth. The way he kissed me was like nothing else. No one could kiss me the way he did.
The smile that can light up a room. I wonder what she is thinking about. I can only hope that it is a memory of us. "So..."
"There's nothing else to say." Why am I doing this?! I can't let him walk out of my life without telling him the truth. "Is there something you need to tell me?" Lord, please let him have something to say. Just an 'I miss you' or 'I'm sorry.' I need something like that just to know that he might
be feeling the same thing I am.
"No, I guess not." Tell her you idiot! She needs to know that every time I think of her it kills me inside.
"Ok, then. Goodbye."
"Goodbye Chloe."
"Justin..."
"Yeah..."
"You have the right back."
"Alright then, goodbye 'C'."
That's it. That's the last time I'll see that smile. The last time I'll see those eyes and the last time I'll hear his voice. If only he knew what I really meant to say.
It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air
You asked me how I've been
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine,
Oh but baby, I was lying
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day,
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you,
That's what I really meant to say
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held onto my pride
And watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss more each day
There's not a night I haven 't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say
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