Why did you leave me? How could you? Knowing everything that I sacrificed and gave up just so that we could be happy, and you dare to let go? Why?
I met you two years ago, today. You left me two hours ago. I remember every moment of every second we shared so vividly. It’s like it won’t stop replaying in my heart. That day – July 13, 2002 – it was so hot outside. I was running late to where I was supposed to be, as usual, but as soon as I set foot inside, there you were. God, you were gorgeous. You had these bright blue eyes that were just – they were to die for. I wanted to run my fingers through your curly blonde hair before I even knew your name, but I didn’t. That, in addition to your almost-caramel complexion was enough to make my head spin, but instead, I just stared in awe. I watched you for what seemed like forever, simply studying every soft feature that graced your innocent face. When you finally looked at me, your eyes smiled, and I knew that we had shared an instantaneous love. Love at first sight. As they call it.
Not long after that, we were as close as close could be. We did everything together, because the moments we shared were bliss. I never even knew what it was like to be without you – until now. The second I laid eyes on you, I told myself that I’d do anything to keep you in my world, and I did. I gave up *NSYNC. I gave up being Justin Timberlake. I let the notoriety fly out the window, because you needed my undivided attention, and celebrity wouldn’t allow me to do that. I didn’t care though, because I loved you. I still love you. I’d do it again if it meant seeing your smiling face for another second.
Time passed, and I became comfortable with calling you mine. I came to the realization that I wanted us to be forever, and that it was possible. With a little hard work and dedication, anything can happen. But today, I learned that ‘anything’ goes both ways.
I played the fool today
I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
While I was preparing for eternity, you were getting ready to leave me. You didn’t give me any inkling to the fact that you didn’t want to hold on anymore – or even that you couldn’t. It were as if you just woke up this morning and told yourself that you had to go back to sleep. You didn’t want to open your eyes and face the world; you just wanted to sleep life away.
Was that it? Was it that life was just too hard? Explain it to me, because I don’t understand how you just up and leave me without so much as an explanation. I would have never done that to you, you know. Never in a million years would I just disappear, leaving you wondering why – what you did wrong, or how you could have stopped me. In fact, I would never have left you.
Longing for home again
But you did disappear. You did leave me pondering how you could possibly walk out of my life, what I didn’t do right, or what I could have done to make you stay.
Home is a feeling I buried in you
Jasmine, when you died, you left me empty.
And I cannot ask for things to be still again
You’re gone, and I have to find a way to pick up the pieces because my heart shattered when I grasped that you weren’t coming back. You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. There were so many things I would have wanted to say, if only I had known. You know that right? You know I wouldn’t have let you go without a goodbye if I had known things would end up this way.
You might not have heard, but I begged God to bring you back to me for just a few seconds, just so I could kiss you one more time. But I guess even He makes mistakes, too. He accidentally put His most precious angel on Earth, so it seems that he finally decided to take you back. I can’t say that I blame Him. I just wish He would’ve informed me first.
But Jazzy, I need help.
No, I can’t ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
Where do I find peace without you? Where do I go from here when you’re all I’ve known for the past two years? What do I do without your laugh when nothing’s funny at all? How do I move on, knowing that your petite fingers will never caress my own? Or that your gaze will never transfix on mine? Your smile, your scent, your voice – it’s all engrained into my memory, and I can’t see how I’m supposed to act as though it’s okay to live without that now.
I finally retreat from the porch of what was once our humble Memphis abode – where Love once resided with Justin and Jasmine Timberlake. Now it’s just me. Oh, and my broken heart.
Longing for home again
Home is a feeling I buried in you
I walk inside the house, passing the vibrant, white living room where much of our happiness is contained into picture frames. I reach the kitchen where the sink is still full of our cereal bowls from breakfast this morning. I stand over the sink, pretending to wash the dishes, but really just gazing out of the window to the backyard. Your float is still making laps around the pool from yesterday.
My window through which nothing hides and everything sees
As I stand there, moving the dishes back and forth, some part of me expected to hear you bouncing down the stairs in your usual giddy persona. Or maybe I’d walk into the den to find you imitating my dance moves like you had been doing lately. Or perhaps I could just turn my head, ever so slightly, to see you sitting at the kitchen table, minding your own business. But there was nothing – nothing but silence. All I could hear was the sound of the water running and the clink of the glass dishes against the chrome sink. How could our two years together amount to nothing but silence?
I’m counting the signs and cursing the miles in between home
I wish I could cry, but I can’t. Jazzy, I don’t feel anything. I’m numb.
I’m all right
It only hurts when I breathe
The very moment that you, my daughter, left me for another man – when you left me for God – I knew that I’d never feel again.
Lyrics: "Breathe" - Melissa Ethridge
Number of reviews: 9
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