Dear Baby I’m not sorry for leaving you this way
But, I know I should have told you face to face
We’ve always been straight up so I won’t waste your time
I’m leaving, say goodbye because I know what you did last night
I’m packing my bags. I gave him another chance and he blew it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he took advantage of it once again. Things used to be great. I never thought I could love someone so much. He was my life, my entire being. He used to shower me with gifts and make me feel like I was the most important thing to him. He had his heart broken many times before and I swore I would never to that to him. I was different from those other girls. Maybe that’s what the problem was. I was treating him like he had treated all those other girls. I feel hard and quick. I threw myself into the relationship without any hesitation. I wanted him to know that he was the most important thing to me, just like I was for him. Maybe he didn’t know how to take it. Maybe he felt what he made those other girls feel. Maybe he was overwhelmed, maybe he didn’t know how to handle being trusted. Sure, he’s gone ten months out of the year, but I trusted him. I trusted him…it was something he had never had before. He had these other girls who said they trusted him, but it wasn’t completely there. I told him from day one that I would trust him no matter what I heard, no matter what other people said. That was my mistake.
~Flashback~
I had been staring out the front window for what seemed like days when it was actually only fifteen minutes. He was coming home. It had been a month since I had seen him last. I knew he would be excited to see me so I made sure that I would be right there when he opened the front door. I saw his SUV pull into the driveway and my heart jumped to my throat. We have been together for almost two years and I still get butterflies when I see him. It makes me feel like I’m a sixteen year old seeing her crush walk through the hallway at school. I love that feeling, it makes me feel like things are still fresh…still new. He went to the trunk pulled out his bags and looked to the front door. He sighed deeply and my gut wrenched. Something was wrong. He usually smiles when he gets to the trunk knowing that I’m waiting for him a mere twenty feet away. Something was different something had changed. I opened the door for him and immediately pulled me into a hug. He sighed deeply one more time before I heard his voice crack, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what? Baby, what’s wrong?” Concerned filled my body. Why was he apologizing?! What happened?!
“I’m so sorry Kristen.” His body began to shake. I felt moisture on my neck. He was crying! Why is he crying? I pulled his head from the crook in my neck and stared into his eyes. They were filled with tears ready to spill onto his cheeks.
“Justin, what’s wrong?” He just lowered his head and I knew. My head was spinning. It felt like a ton of bricks just hit my stomach. “How could you?” I asked as tears began to fill my eyes.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Justin’s body began to shake a little more violently after I came to my realization. “She was just there” he managed to choke out, “it meant nothing. Kristen, I love you and I don’t know how it happened and I know it was wrong, but please don’t leave me.” I turn to walk away and I feel a strong hand grab my arm. “Don’t walk away from me.” He said with sadness and regret lacing his voice.
“Justin…I need a minute.” I head for the kitchen with a million
thoughts running through my head. Who was it? Was she prettier than me? Was her smile better than mine? I could drive myself crazy for days with all the questions. I need to scream, I need to break something, I need some type of
release because right now I feel like I’m about to explode. I barely open my mouth and the most gut wrenching scream escapes my mouth as I fall to the floor. I can see Justin around the corner drop his head in shame and sobs take over my body.
~End Flashback~
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
Let me let you know
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going far from here
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
That had to be the worst day of my life. It felt likeeverything I knew, everything that made me feel safe was gone. He begged for forgiveness and I gave it to him. I gave him another chance, one more chance. He had to make things right, and he did. He did everything would could think of to
make me feel safe again. Roses came for months, but the gifts weren’t what helped me heal. It was the nights he held me in his arms and told me that he loved me, and the times when he would look at me and without saying a word tell me
everything I needed to hear. Eventually things got back to how they were before the incident. That was probably the worst thing that could have happened. We were comfortable again, I trusted him again. I believed he would never hurt me like that again. I gave him my all one more time.
~Flashback~
I stood at the door waiting for him. It was a tradition, this is how it was everytime he came home from a tour. Of course standing in that doorway brought back sad memories the pain wasn’t there anymore. It was a reminder of what we never wanted to happen again. I see his BMW pull into the driveway and notice he doesn’t get out of the car right away. Maybe he’s just getting his things around I convince myself. He looks at me from the front seat of the car and I get that feeling all over again. My world is crashing down. I suddenly feel insecure. I wrap my arms around my chest trying to comfort myself knowing he’ll never be able to do that for me again. He got out of the car and didn’t even go to the trunk this time. He
came straight to me knowing things were bad…very bad.
“Krist-” He tries to say but I cut him off.
“Justin, don’t say a word. I don’t want to hear the excuses. I’ve heard them before Justin, and quite frankly it isn’t going to work this time.” Anger took over my body as I felt that familiar lump rise in my throat. “I gave you a second chance. I trusted you and you threw it away!” Why Justin? Please try and explain this to me because I’m not getting it!”
“I don’t understand it either. There’s nothing I can say to try and make it right, I know, but…”
“No buts Justin. No excuses. Nothing. I don’t want to hear it. I need you to leave me alone for awhile. Just go somewhere because I have to sort this out without you around me.”
~End Flashback~
One more thing before I go I hope you feel alone
Cause I’m definitely tired of waiting for you to come home
We’ve always been straight up so I’ll just take what’s mine
I’m leaving say goodbye cause you hurt me for the last time.
I’m packing my bags. I gave him another chance and he blew it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he took advantage of it once again. Things used to be great. I never thought I could love someone so much. He was my life, my entire being. He used to shower me with gifts and make me
feel like I was the most important thing to him. He had his heart broken many times before and I swore I would never to that to him. I was different from those other girls. Maybe that’s what the problem was. I was treating him like he had treated all those other girls. I feel hard and quick. I threw
myself into the relationship without any hesitation. I wanted him to know that he was the most important thing to me, just like I was for him. Maybe he didn’t know how to take it. Maybe he felt what he made those other girls feel. Maybe he was overwhelmed, maybe he didn’t know how to handle being
trusted. Sure, he’s gone ten months out of the year, but I trusted him. I trusted him…it was something he had never had before. He had these other girls who said they trusted him, but it wasn’t completely there. I told him from day one that I would trust him no matter what I heard, no matter
what other people said. That was my mistake.
Whatever your excuse is I’m sure I’ve heard them all before
Time and time again I’ve told you that I need you more
Now I’m walking out the door
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
Let me let you know
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going far from here
Let me let you know, yeah, that I’m leaving baby
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