Chapter 7
The day before we were scheduled to leave for New York City, I was standing behind the cash register at Rite Aid, the lousy place where I work. The day had been going by slowly, especially since it was right before my 2 week break. Yeah, I know that someone with a job doesn’t get a two week break, but my boss is a Justin Timberlake fan, and when she found out I was his sister, she seemed to give me access to some freedom. Weird, but my connections have some advantages.
“Next customer please.” I said, moving the bar separating one customer from the other. As I took the first item from the belt, I looked up.
“Hello, how are yo-” I stopped mid sentence.
“Hi Laney, how are you?” Angela asked, pretty and perky as usual. I don’t even think you could imagine my surprise. Why was she here? Why was she in my line? I looked around and noticed, at the moment, I was the only register open. Great.
“I’m uh… okay…” I shrugged, my face turning red. I tried not to look her in the eye. I don’t know why I was so nervous around her. It could have been the fact that she had totally occupied my brother and his free time for the past week. Or maybe that she caught me, a sibling of a famous person, working at a convenience store. Or the fact that I just don’t feel a big sense of comfort around her anyway.
“Well, that’s good. I didn’t know you worked here.” I could almost hear the laugh in her voice.
“Yeah, 3 time employee of the month.” I joked, hoping maybe there was a slim chance she believed me. Not that she seemed like the type to believe sarcastic comments. And, not that I desire to be “Employee of the Month” at Rite Aid, or anything, but something to renew whatever pride I had.
“Wow. I didn’t even know they had employees of the month here. Good for you.” She giggled. Guess she was dumber than I thought.
“Well, what are you doing here?” I asked, not even bothering to check the items she was buying.
“Just picking up some stuff for the trip to NYC. You know the basics. I’m so excited; I’ve never been there before.”
“The trip to New York?” I asked, not even wanting to know the answer.
“Yep. I heard the album, and talked with the guys, and they invited me to come with them. You’re going too, right?”
She talked with the guys? She’s heard the album? I haven’t heard the album yet. She’s been around for like a week, and she’s already become best buds with them? And they invited her? My heart dropped, but I looked back up at Angela, and said, “Of course. It should be fun.”
I had been too emotional that week. I haven’t cried ever since my parents died, and now, because of Justin, I was crying every night. I needed to stop being so freakin’ gloomy. Whatever my problem was, I needed to end it. Especially before Angela caught on. I didn’t want anyone to think I was jealous or anything. Oh no.
“Yeah… well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Bright and early.” She said, waving, as she walked out of the store.
“Oh god.” I mumbled, waving back, with a smile on my face. A fake one may I add. But a smile nonetheless. Now that Angela would be joining us on the trip, I wouldn’t even be able to hang out with the guys. Because the guys includes Justin. And Justin would be with Angela. If Justin is the reason why she’s coming.
Oddly enough, I still don’t know what’s going on with them. But I’d be hard pressed to believe it’s anything less than sexual. Otherwise, why would she be so giggly? Honestly, I don’t care about my brother and his relationship with his bed, and who’s in it, but still. This girl is so not Justin’s type. At least from what I know, which isn’t a lot, but still.
My day finished slowly, even until the last minute. Finally as the clock came around to 5:00, I grabbed my bag, and went to go meet Justin outside. I don’t even know why Justin won’t just let me get my own car. I have a driver’s license, and he has like 5 cars. Plus, he’s got enough money to buy at least 5 more. But he insists that I don’t get one. I don’t really have enough money to buy one for myself, so until I can get a good sum of money, I’m stuck.
I saw his black shiny Escalade turn into the parking lot. The minute I could see inside the windows, I noticed somebody sitting in the passenger’s seat. Angela. Her blond curly hair, bouncing around, as she laughed at some stupid joke Justin probably told her. Not that Justin was funny, in any way, shape, or form, but some people wanted to impress him, so they figured ‘Oh… I’ll laugh at his totally not funny joke’. Seems dumb to you, but girls seem to do it.
I caught Justin’s eyes as he pulled up, and glared at him. A look he had probably gotten used to. I climbed into the backseat, feeling like an 8 year old, getting picked up from school.
“Hello all.” I said sweetly. I looked at Justin in the rear view mirror, and made sure he noticed my smirk. He looked up into the mirror, looking surprised to hear my voice. Angela turned around in her seat, and gave me a small wave.
“Hello Ms. Laney. Long time no see.” Once again, Justin, who turned to look at Angela, looked surprised.
“Oh, so you guys have seen each other?” he asked, his voice shaky.
“Yeah. She came by the store today to pick up some stuff for tomorrow’s trip. Very interesting.” I nodded.
“Oh, yeah, for the trip tomorrow.” Justin mumbled, avoiding eye contact with me. I could tell he was nervous. Just by the worried look in his eyes, as he tried to concentrate on the road.
“So Angela, why are you here?” I asked, trying to sound as nice as possible, even though her presence popping up was starting to annoy me.
“Well Justin picked me up at my house a while ago, and he said it would be easier if I just stayed over tonight, instead of him driving out of the way tomorrow.” She shrugged, not sounding too displeased by spending the night.
“Well, well, well, isn’t that just so incredibly considerate of him. What a doll!” I managed to get out, wanting to gag with every word.
“Yeah… he is a doll.” She replied, squeezing his cheek. Checking back at the mirror, he seemed to be getting more nervous by the second. Did he plan on not telling me about her coming? Because I would’ve figured it out soon enough. But then again, it’s not like we had talked much over the past few days. Or week.
“Well it should be fun. All of us gallivanting around New York City together, like a fun, little happy family.” I joked, clenching my hands together tightly.
“Yeah. I’m just looking forward to spending time with everyone.” Angela giggled, once again. Lord, this girl giggles way too much. When I first met her, she didn’t seem that giggly. Maybe it’s the sex. She reached out and put her hand on Justin’s leg, rubbing it lightly. He turned to look at her, and gave her a small smile.
It’s definitely the sex. Or at least something remotely related.
“Oh well, we’re here…” Angela said, as we pulled into our drive way. She hopped out of the car, and waited for Justin to walk around to the front of the car to join her, before she proceeded to walk into the house with him. I, being a few steps behind them, became extremely shocked when the door was closed in my face.
Standing on the front porch, I couldn’t believe I had just been shut out of my own house? Was this a sign? A sign from Angela to stay away? A sign from Justin to leave them alone? Or just a step in me being pushed away from the small part of Justin’s life I had previously been in? As much as I wanted to being sassy and confident, and walk right in, pretending to not even notice the incident, I just couldn’t.
After a small realization hit, I recognized that this was it. This is when Justin starts to move away from me. From trying to take care of me and trying to do what he thinks is right. He’s given up. Whatever morals he’s had before are gone. He’s done with trying to deal with me, and trying to “fix” me. He’s done. And as these thoughts circulated in my mind, I didn’t even notice my legs carrying me back down the driveway. I didn’t even feel the horrible pain in my heart, and I definitely didn’t recognize the cold tears, falling down my cheeks.
It seemed like forever. Forever that I was running. Just a few minutes before, I was just waiting to get home and retreat to my room, and now, I wanted to be as far from my own house as possible. My own house. I don’t know what made me so upset. I could have just easily walked right in behind them, and left them alone, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even stand to look at the two of them. The fact that they walked in, and left me out there, symbolized more to me than it could to anyone. I didn’t just see the door closing. I saw my whole family slipping away, as if, now, they had just died. They didn’t die 4 years ago; they died as that door was closing. And why? Because Justin was behind that closing door. The last part of my family was being closed off from me, just like everything inside that house. Any memories, or possessions I owned, were slipping away, with every stride I took away from that house.
I just ran, and ran, turning wherever I felt like my emotions were leading me. The houses were becoming less and less in number as I ran down the road. I don’t even know how far I had run, or for how long. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you were I was. And at the moment, I was perfectly intent with being in a strange place. A place where no one knew my name, because, really, there wasn’t anyone around to really find it out. The road just stretched out in front of me, like instead of living my life, I could just walk this road. Or run on it, if I wanted too. Maybe that’s why it seemed like my whole life was whizzing by me. I was rushing through it all, wanting to escape it.
My thoughts slowed down, along with my feet. My mind was tired, just like my legs, from running. Running from life, and from problems. Maybe it wasn’t the best solution, but you really can’t control your emotions. It’s physically, and emotionally impossible. You can’t control what your mind makes you do. I stopped on the side of the road, and sat down. Really… I just plopped down on the pavement, and looked in front of me. My mind was blank, but yet full of feelings. It was so full of emotions, that I was just blank. You know when you’re reading, but you’re mind is on something else. You’re literally reading the words, but you’re not processing them. Well it’s like that.
I listened to the sound of my breath. Once again, I don’t even know how long I was sitting there, listening to anything that made a noise. It must have been a long time, because, suddenly a bright light flashed down the road. The light was so bright, because the sky was suddenly so dark.
I watched the light come closer and closer, until it stopped right to the side of me. It almost seemed like it stopped abruptly, as if, I were the sudden target. The car door swung open, and a person hopped out, his face revealing a stranger.
A stranger I thought I knew, but now was just a nameless face.
“Laney, holy shit, are you O.K.? What are you doing here? Did someone hurt you? What’s wrong?”
I felt the unfamiliar touch of his hands on my face, warm to my cold cheeks, but made me cold and bitter inside. I could do nothing but stare at him, his worried blue eyes, staring back at me, trying to read me, but I showed no emotion. Because I had run out.
“Laney!?!” he said louder, but I was lost in my body.
I heard some more words come out of his mouth, but I was suddenly deaf to his voice. His lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear him. He was right in my face, desperately trying to figure out what was wrong, but yet he was so far away. In my mind, he was still at home, behind those closed doors.
I felt his hands go around my back and my legs, lifting me up, as if I was suddenly weightless without my heart. His arms were around me tightly, carrying me to his car, wanting to transport me home. But, now, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to go back there. I felt my body kick and fight the stranger, and I heard my voice scream out in misery. My feet touched the ground again, and almost like a drug, I started to run. I didn’t get very far, before those warm, yet cold, hands, grabbed my elbows, and turned me back around to face him. I was suddenly back in my own body. When I saw the look on his face, reality struck me. I must have been crying because his face was full of horror, shock, guilt, and sadness. His bright blue eyes were darker, and his glowing skin, was pale.
Everything I had done had hit me and the look on his face, made me want to take everything back. He was my home since my parents had passed, he was my shelter, and all the time I had just given him hell. I was breaking down my shelter, tearing it to pieces, slowly and sadly. That’s why he had given up, and that’s why he had closed the door. But now my home was here, offering to take me back into its comfort, the comfort I had never seen until now.
It may seem odd, that before this, I had was so distraught, that I ran away from everything. And now, I saw how distraught I had made someone else, I didn’t want to keep breaking my home down, I wanted to build it back up. It was my fault. My fault the door closed, and now it was open, and ready to take me in. I wanted to run into my home, my shelter, and make it part of me again. So that’s what I did. I ran straight to it, into my comfort, and squeezed it tightly.
And let me tell you, it has never felt so good to hug my brother, because it had never felt so good to finally figure everything out. He seemed stiff at first, but relaxed, and without any words, we stood in the middle of the empty road, embracing, uniting, and appreciating each other for the first time in forever.
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