Chapter 8
As I walked down the stairs, the next morning, I was hoping no one would be at the table. I knew everyone had to be up early, but maybe they would sleep a little late, so I could get a little time by myself before we left.
You’re probably wondering what happened last night, right? Nothing really happened yesterday, okay! Stop bugging me about last night, all right?
Okay, fine, I’ll stop rhyming. But honestly, nothing really did happen after Justin found me. We drove home, and that’s it. Twiddled our thumbs the whole way. Honestly.
But all the drama was catching up to me this morning. Finally, as I jumped off the last step, I made my way into the kitchen to find Angela snooping around the refrigerator. I tried to make my presence unknown, so I turned around, hoping she wouldn’t catch me go back upstairs.
“Oh, hey Laney… I though I heard someone coming downstairs.”
Shoot.
“Hello…” I replied, trying to sound chipper.
“I’m glad someone came downstairs,” she laughed, “I was beginning to get scared down here all by myself. But I couldn’t help it. Justin was snoring, and I was hungry, so...”
How would she know Justin snores? I almost thought I saw an evil look in her eye, as she tried to read my face. Maybe it was just the light. Maybe she slipped in that little tidbit of information to see my reaction. Or maybe she did it to let me know things were serious. Or maybe it was an accident. Or maybe-
Nevermind. This is ridiculous. This is what got me on my little marathon to reality last night.
“Yeah, he’s a big snorer…” I said, dimly. I didn’t want her to know that. That was something only special people knew. Like… me!
“Yeah…” she answered, dreamily. She sighed, a sigh of content, and sat back down at the kitchen table with her bowl of cereal in hand.
“So, um… are you excited for um… New York?” I asked, struggling to get out the words. The tension was so thick in the room, but I don’t think she noticed. She still had that stupid ‘Oh dear, I’m so in love’ look on her face.
“Oh yeah. I’ve never been.” She replied, remembering my presence in the room.
“Well that’s good. You should love it.” I muttered, as Justin walked into the kitchen. His hair sticking up, unattractively may I add, and his clothes wrinkled made him look the boogie man as he made his way over to the fridge and grabbed the milk.
“Good morning, Justin” Angela giggled. God those giggles kill me. They’re the most annoying sounds on earth. Can’t she just laugh? No. She ALWAYS giggles.
“Hey…” he mumbled, trying to sound anything but totally dead. Which he is, in the morning. Most teen magazines tell their readers a bunch of crap about Justin, like his favorite food (which changes like the days of the week), his favorite hobby (which definitely isn’t basketball… I mean he loves the sport, but there’s definitely something else he’d rather do), or other junk, but the one thing they have right is that he’s a pain in the butt in the morning. I’d rather have a conversation with a chicken, than a chat with Justin in the morning. Ugh…
“How are you?” she asked, walking over to stand beside him in the chair.
“Tired.” He muttered.
“Did you get enough sleep last night?” She looked concerned as she turned his face to look at her. I wanted to laugh because, he looked like he was trying not to get mad. Oh dear.
“I’m fine. Just a little on the weary side. Give me a while, and I’ll be good.” He said calmly. He plastered a smile on his face, and went back to concentrating on his godly cereal.
“Okay then,” she seemed happy, “I’m going to go upstairs and get ready.”
She turned out of the kitchen, and as I waited till she had shut Justin’s door upstairs before I burst out laughing. Honestly. I tried to hold it in, but I just couldn’t.
“What are you laughing at?” Justin asked. It probably was weird. Me being all quiet, and then randomly, laughing uncontrollably.
“You should’ve seen your face.” I tried to get out, as my side began to hurt.
“What do you mean?” he asked again, his face breaking into a smile.
“You were trying so hard not to get mad at her, and she was all ‘are you okay?’, and you were all fussy, like you are, but she didn’t know, and your face was like ‘Argh… get away from me…’” I laughed loudly, not even concentrating on the form of my sentences. I probably sounded like a nutcase.
Justin started laughing with me, but as soon as it started, it stopped. Just like Justin to ruin things. As my laughing ceased, I looked out the window, and back down at my hands. Sneaking a quick peek at Justin, I noticed he was suddenly fascinated with the few bits of his soggy cereal.
“Well I’m not a big fan of awkward silences so…” I said, as I got up and began to walk out of the kitchen.
“Laney, wait!” I heard Justin cry as he got out of his chair, and threw his dish in the sink.
I turned around and was surprised to see Justin right in front of me. I looked up at him, and raised my eyebrows, wondering what he wanted. I knew this time would come. The drama last night, and the “talk” the next morning. Why do you always have to talk? Why can’t things just happen?
“I just wanted to talk to you.” He whispered, looking down at his feet. There’s the “t” word.
“What about?” I asked, trying to sound unaware of what he asking.
“You know what about” he laughed. I don’t know why he was laughing. I didn’t find any of last funny.
“Okay… well, what about it?”
“I just wanted to say that…I’m glad… that umm…” he tried to get out.
“Hey ‘yall” Angela popped up in the kitchen. Her appearance perfected, from each blonde curl on her head, to each toenail on her foot. Lord knows why she was wearing flip-flops, in March, on a trip to New York, but let her deal with it.
“Hey Angela” Justin sighed, almost sounding upset. I smiled at him, hoping he realized he could tell me later, not that I wanted to know. He must of got it, because he smiled back before, he walked out of the kitchen, making his way to the stairs.
You’ve probably realized that my brother and I have had our downs, and further downs, but maybe this is change for the best. I’d like to start having some ups, and as I considered this new possibility, I walked towards the stairs, also, wanting to start my vacation.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Chris. That’s really dumb.”
“Well, I’m hungry, and no one packed food. Why? I don’t know. But I’m still hungry.”
“Would you two shut up?” I asked Chris and JC, whom I was unfortunately stuck in between.
“But Laney-” Chris groaned.
“I know, you’re hungry. Then ask the stewardess for some peanuts or something. You’re famous, she’ll do anything for you.”
“Yeah Chris. Peanuts. Eat those.” JC sighed, going back to his lap top. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, because he’s been grumpy all morning, attached to his laptop.
“Excuse miss… Do you think I could have some peanuts?” Chris asked the stewardess coming down the aisle, almost sounding too polite. He put on his celebrity grin, hoping it would charm the lady enough to supply him with some food.
“Sorry sir,” she answered with a smile on her face, “No more than the limit of two packages per person. And as I see right there, you’ve had two already.”
I chuckled as she walked away. Chris had, stupidly, left his two peanut packages openly lying on his table, with some crumbs falling out.
“Hi sir, what can I do for you?” I heard the stewardess ask someone in front.
“Yes, may I please have some more peanuts?” Justin asked, also putting on his best smile. He was seated a few rows ahead of us on the opposite side.
“Yes sir, one moment.” The lady responded, backing up to retrieve two more peanut packages before placing them on his table. As she moved away, I almost died laughing, when I saw his two empty peanut packages lying next to his two unopened ones.
I turned to look at Chris, who looked totally annoyed with the situation.
“Hey Justin?” Chris whispered, trying to not get the stewardess’s attention. His frustration came out in his voice, as his journey to get more peanuts continued.
“What, man?” Justin responded, turning around in his seat.
“Can I have some of your peanuts, dude” Chris asked, pointing to the packages.
“Ask the lady, Chris, she’s got tons. We’re famous man, she’ll give us whatever.” Justin muttered, before turning back around.
“Ugh… Why won’t anyone get it? She won’t give them to me!”
“Here take mine, Chris. I’m not hungry.” I laughed, passing them to him. I actually was hungry, but I would rather hear my stomach growl, than Chris’s annoying, whiny, voice for the rest of the flight.
“Really? Thanks… I’m starving.” He said, ripping my peanuts open, stuffing most of the package in his mouth.
“No problemo” I said, opening my book back up.
“So you’re in a good mood today. And so is Mr. “Get your own peanuts” over there.” he pointed over to Justin, “Any reason why? Any reconciliation between you two?”
“About what?” I asked. Not that there was a “specific” fight me and Justin were having.
“About anything. Anything over the past 10 years I’ve been dealing with you two.”
“Have I really known you for 10 years?” I asked full well knowing the answer. I definitely didn’t want to talk about my emotional state with anyone at the moment.
“Yes, you have. 1995, plus 10 years is 2005, and that’s where we are. Now stop trying to change the subject.”
“Fine.” I replied, quietly.
“Fine, what?” Chris asked, leaning towards me, hoping to get any kind of dish about our relationship. What a weirdo.
“Fine. We did make up.” I stated simply. I tried not to sound too happy, because, truthfully, on the inside, I was so excited to have gotten past it all.
“Really?” Chris’s eyes widened, like he couldn’t believe what I had said.
“Yes.” I said, making it out like no big deal.
After a short silence, Chris nudged me on the arm.
“And…” he persuaded me to tell him more.
“And what?” I asked, dully. Not giving him the info he wanted was killing him, but it was making me want to crack up. He almost looked surprised when I told him we actually had made up. He really does need a girlfriend to keep him concerned with his own life. He’s too distracted with everyone else.
“Laney?!?!” he shouted. People in front of us turned around in their seats. They all sent death glares at Chris, knowing he definitely wasn’t one to stay quiet in public places. He cast a sorry glance on his face, before directing his attention back at me, still determined to find out the deal.
“Fine…” I gave in, “Last night I had a little emotional break down when I got home from work, so I kind of ran off.”
“You “ran off”? Chris asked me, his facial expression looking thoroughly confused.
“I just ran away. I wasn’t planning on staying away, I don’t think, I just-” I started before Chris, once again, cut me off.
“What do you mean “you don’t think”?”
“I just left. And then-”
“What made you leave?” Chris questioned. I was annoyed with his interrupting, but then again, if I were in his position, I would want all the details I could get.
“I just felt lost. I was kind of upset about some stuff that happened. And then when we got home, they kind of shut the door in my face, so I just ran off.” I finished, sighing.
“They shut the door in your face?” Chris wanted to know. It probably did sound like a weird story, but Justin and I weren’t really the most normal family on the block.
“I don’t know. I don’t think it was purposefully, but I just took it too… like… philosophically. I guess.”
“OK…” Chris laughed at my choice of words.
“But then, I was on some random road, God knows where, and Justin’s car came up, and he drove me home.” I said, finishing my story, looking down at my book.
“That’s it?” Chris asked, unbelievably, “That’s all you’re going to tell me?”
“There’s not that much to tell.” I shrugged.
Before Chris could get in another word, Justin called my name. I turned to look up the aisle, and noticed Angela’s vacant seat beside him. She must’ve gotten up because Justin was pointing to the seat next to him, signaling for me to come over. I hesitantly unbuckled my seatbelt, not really wanting to face Justin, knowing full well what he wanted to “talk” about.
I plopped down in the seat, and turned to look at him.
“What’s up?” I asked, trying not to sound too nervous. Even though I had, emotionally, let myself go last night, I still had somewhat of a reputation to maintain.
“About earlier, I just wanted to tell you what I was going to say.”
“Oooook.” I dragged on. As much as I really didn’t want to talk to him, he wasn’t getting to the point. He kept stalling things. Just say it, dang it!
“Well, just thanks for opening up to me, last night. About everything… I’m glad we finally got a chance to talk.” He nodded, obviously nervous. It was interesting to see him anxious. The flashy, totally cool Justin Timberlake was getting kind of rumbled in the jungle, if you know what I mean. Ha!
Okay, fine, bad joke. What can I say? I’m trying to be funny. You’re probably wondering what he is talking about, because I already told you that nothing happened last night. But I guess he spilt the beans. I never really wanted to have to talk about it again. But we do live in a very meddlesome society. Sorry, nerd rush there… it means nosy ;)
~Flashback~
The car was silent, and the only noise I could hear was the engine of the car. I was exhausted from my emotional state, and all I really wanted to do was go home. Or the place that was home, and sleep in my bed. I tried not to act depressed, or even remotely sad, as I could feel Justin’s eyes glancing towards me every 5 seconds. I wanted to scream at him to stop. But not after what we had just went through. We had a moment. You could feel it pass. And now, though it was over, things were still really tense.
“Laney?” his voice surprised me. Kind of hoarse, but still smooth. He almost sounded apprehensive.
“Yeah?” I mumbled. I didn’t even want to know what he was thinking. The pensive look on his face gave an indication that Justin was in the mood to “talk”.
“What happened back there? I know you’ve been upset, but I have so many questions that I don’t even know where to start...”
I knew I would have to answer them sometime, so I sighed, and figured ‘why not now?’
“Well then start asking…”
“What do you mean?” he asked me, sounding confused. I don’t know why he was lost; he’s the one that wanted to ask questions.
“Ask. You want answers? Then ask questions” I replied, trying not to let my uneasiness show in my voice.
“Why did you leave? What happened? I wanted to talk to you when we got inside, but I couldn’t find you…”
“It was nothing… really. I just got a little emotional.”
“Damn it Laney!” he shouted, quickly pulling over to the side of the road, “If I’m gonna ask you questions, you damn well better give me some straight answers.”
“Well excuse me…” I said, snottily. I had totally opened myself up back there, and here he was, acting like a complete jerk.
“I’m sorry.” He sighed, sounding truly sincere, “It’s just that, when you tell me I can ask questions, and then you totally close off, and backfire at me, I get pissed. If you don’t want to talk, then don’t.”
I really didn’t want to, but I couldn’t say no. He had such a helpless look on his face. Not that my brother has any effect on me whatsoever.
“Fine. I left because you two shut the door in my face.” I said, quietly.
“Shut the door in your face? What are you talking about?”
I honestly didn’t want to explain the situation, but I didn’t want to sound insane. They really had shut the door in my face, I wasn’t imagining things.
“Yes…I was walking behind you guys, and as I got to the top of the stairs, the door slammed in my face. I got emotional, I took it the wrong way, I ran, and end of story.” I finished.
“No…not end of story. I don’t understand. Why would you run? I wouldn’t purposefully shut the door in your face. I know we’ve had our arguments, but I would never do that. Ever.”
“Well, we were still not talking, and you didn’t tell me about Angela coming. I felt betrayed and pissed, and when the door was shut, right in front of me, I felt shut out, not only of the house, but my life, and whatever relationship we had had.”
“Oh dear god.” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his hand. His face was scrunched up in frustration.
“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have felt that way. I overreacted; it’s all my fault. I’m sorry.” I said, talking quickly, amazed at the words coming out of my mouth. I hardly ever acted desperate for forgiveness, especially from Justin, but lately, he’s had this control over me, like I suddenly care about our relationship.
“Laney… stop.” Justin cut me off. I sensed a big emotional speech about to come on, so, I listened intently, as he sighed, and continued. “It’s not your fault. We both know that. I’m the older one, and I’m responsible. I shouldn’t have made you feel this way for such a long time. Mom and Dad would have been so upset. They wouldn’t have let it go on for this long. When I had to take you in because Aunt Julie couldn’t handle you, I was annoyed. I think about it now, and I feel so ashamed. I’m so disappointed in myself that I was upset to take in my own sister. I just thought that it was the right thing, and though it was, I shouldn’t have had to convince myself. I shouldn’t have been reluctant to take care of you. I should have willingly wanted you to stay with me. I can’t even tell you how disgusted I feel. Not even thinking about now. I’ve realized that the only reason we’ve had such a bad past is because I’ve never taken the time to get to know you. I’ve been so busy with me and my past, and my success, and my future, that I’ve just rubbed off all the things that used to be so important to me.”
I cut him off before he could go any further. His pleading was making me want to jump out the window. I could feel the tears in his eyes, and I could hear his heart beating faster and faster with every word. Never before had my brother released such intense feelings to me. Maybe to someone else, but never to me. The wall that had previously been placed between us seemed to slowly be dying
“Justin please...do you hear yourself? I’ve made your life so miserable. You, and I, and everybody else who knows us, knows it. As much as our fighting as been equal participation, I definitely haven’t made things easy. If anything, I’ve made things harder. I’ve never wanted to make you feel disgusting, or ashamed, and it kills me to hear you say that. I’ve never told you any of this stuff, because I never found any reason to tell you. We’re siblings. We both possess this quality to outdo each other and seem better than the other. And you being the superstar, super talented, super popular guy you are, it’s always been hard. Hard to seem better than you. The only way I figured out how was to be emotionally stronger, and fight back with you verbally. It may have made me feel good for a split second, but I’ve never enjoyed calling you names, and verbally attacking you. It sucks. And tonight, every word I’ve ever said to you, or anything I’ve ever made fun of you for, came back to haunt me. The door closed in my face, and I felt as though you were paying me back. It was horrible, and I feel guilty for even taking it that way.” I finished, and took a deep breath, hoping that I didn’t sound stupid. At first, silence seemed to envelope the car, and nothing was said. I was surprised that I was even breathing. Fortunately, the silence was broken. But by a sad voice.
“This is a nightmare... We’ve both had this feelings, but we’ve both been hiding them?” Justin asked, turning to look at me for the first time since he had stopped the car.
“I guess so.” I replied softly.
“Well then…” he trailed off. I didn’t know what to say to him either. It was an awkward moment for both us and having to face up to our problems with each other was incredibly hard.
“I guess we’ll just have to see where this takes us then.” I told him, tired of the silence in the car. As much as I was nervous, I couldn’t just let everything we said go to waste. We both had to agree to help fix things, otherwise, we both opened up to one another for nothing.
Justin looked at me intensely before smiling. It wasn’t a big grin you would expect after some big make up, but it was a small smile, to let me know he agreed with me 100%
~End Flashback~
“Yeah, me too.” I said quietly. The joy that rushed through me when I thought about last night was unbelievable. It was like all my guilt weight had been dropped off, and now it was just me. I never realized how overwhelmed I had been with regret of just my relationship with Justin. Not even counting all the things I had said, or done. Now that my feelings of the whole situation were out in the open, it was like I didn’t have to worry about keeping my emotional, sensitive side of me locked up.
Justin must have recognized my happiness, and the smile on his face, showed he was sharing the same feeling of relief. Words didn’t really have to be said to explain what happened, and we didn’t have to talk about we talked about. I mean, not only would it be stupid to talk about what you talk about, but also it’s waste of time, because then why would you talk in the first place? Justin probably realized this, because that’s all we really said to each other for us to figure out the true meaning behind our words.
I made my way back to my seat, just as I heard Angela sitting back down in hers, happy to be back from the bathroom. I plopped down, put on my seatbelt, and snuck a peak at Justin and Angela again, before trying to focus on something else.
I was pulling a magazine from my bag, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked at the person in the seat next to me, and saw Chris staring at me hopefully.
“Can I help you Chris?” I asked, praying that he didn’t want a rerun of last night’s episode. Thankfully, Chris didn’t keep his attention on my problems for too long.
“Did you get any peanuts over there?”
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