"I sit and wait...does an angel contemplate my fate? And do they know, the places where we go when we're gray and old?"
I know I'm supposed to keep a positive attitude, it's what everyone and their grandma's been telling me for the past two days, but you know what? I'm scared to death.
Now I don't remember a lot of the details from the night after we left the club, but from what I've been told, an ambulance came and took me here to Athens Memorial. I came to for about five minutes, but then slipped right back into la la land. The diagnosis came later that night...meningitis. I guess it's common on college campuses. But, my question was and still is, since I wasn't even at school for a week, how did I come in contact with the germs? Well the doctor couldn't give me a straight answer on that one. Figures. Asshole.
"Hannah?" a voice came from the sliding glass partition that separated me from the rest of the intensive care unit.
I know what you're thinking; the ICU is used for people who are on death's door and unconscious. Well, patients with meningitis are highly contagious and susceptible to other germs floating around, so it's more for my benefit than anything. I've been reading up on the subject.
"Hi Patty." I smiled, scooting up. Turning the volume down, I let her take my blood pressure and temperature.
Next to the bed was a basin of cold water in case the fever spiked again, and a pile of books and crossword puzzles. It was enough to keep any sane person occupied, but what I really wanted to do was roam outside of the small confined room and spread my arms. My strength would be coming back soon, the doctor said. I would be back to near normal within a few weeks, the doctor said. That's fine and dandy Mr. Stethoscope Wearin' Fool, but what about now? I was being stuck with needles every other minute, constant checks to see if my lungs were clear, not to mention I looked like the walking death. It's not fair. Why me?
"How are you feeling? You know, there have been quite the number of messages for you at the desk." she took a seat in the uncomfortable chair opposite the bed and gave me a sly smile.
"What can I say? I'm a popular woman." I said with a laugh, despite the splitting headache that made it's way around my head like a tight turban.
Deep down, I hoped one of them was from Lance. He had been on my mind lately. The kiss was the highlight of the entire trip back home, and I wanted with all of my being to recreate it someday.
"Dr. Wilson wants to get another CAT scan later this morning." Patty said, patting my arm as she got up.
I groaned loudly and pulled the thin sheet over my freezing legs. These nightgowns need to be outlawed. That's all I have to say about that.
"I just want to go home." I could feel the tears welling up. My body ached with every move.
"Now honey, you're a very sick young lady. Once we get your fever down and your..."
"Yeah, yeah, my strength back then all will be well with the world. I've heard that spiel HOW many times before? Well when is it going to happen, huh?"
Patty was obviously taken aback by my outburst, but dammit I was annoyed and frustrated with the whole thing. My cheeks were soon wet with fallen tears. I turned my back to her and cried. Here I was, hundreds of miles from home, and the nurses wouldn't even let my friends in...my only family. 'They're too young' one nurse said. Well, y'all can bite me.
---
Sleep came easily, what with all the millions of drugs I'd been given. So when I got bored, that's what I did.
"So when I'm lying in my bed, thoughts running through my head, and I feel that love is dead. I'm loving angels instead."
There's a deep pool of clear blue water ahead. Fishes of all shapes of sizes swim near the bottom, flipping their tiny fins. I reach in to grab one, but a human hand grabs ahold of my wrist and swings me away from the pool.
"Lance? W-what are you doing here?" I ask, "What am I doing here?"
"Well baby, this is just one of your average very nice dreams." he says, placing a hand underneath my chin. My pulse quickens as our faces come closer and closer together. Yes, this is my wish come true!
"Hannah? Hannah, sweetie...wake up."
"Fever's up to 103°."
"Get me a bag of cool saline, STAT."
Wh-what's going on? Opening my eyes, I saw a herd of people reaching over my bed, passing plastic bags and needles in their caps. It was like a dream...however, this one was more realistic.
"We need a cooling blanket. Her BP's falling quickly."
I reached up to tell someone--anyone--that I was fine, but it was as if my right hand was tied down. Okay more like taped down; they had inserted yet another IV. Hello, and I'm now the human pincushion. Then Patty hovered over me. When she saw that my eyes were open, she offered a sympathetic smile.
"Honey, your fever's gone up again. Don't worry, we're not going to let anything happen to you."
Drifting in and out of consciousness, the last words I heard uttered were 'Temperature 100°.'
"Hey Han Banan."
There was only one person who was even allowed to call me that...
"Moe! What are you doing in here?" sure enough, she was sitting on the edge of my bed, a smile from ear to ear. In her hands was a pile of pink, "Oh you didn't."
"Of course! It's the pig Lance won for you." she held out Porky. I took the stuffed animal into my lap, tracing the indentations of it's nose with my finger. "He's a great kisser, Moe." I stated matter-of-factly.
"I'll just take your word for that, man." she giggled.
"Okay I ask you again, how did you get in here? I thought only immediate family was allowed."
She shrugged and glanced outside to see if anyone was within earshot. She leaned in closer and whispered, "I told them I was your sister."
"What a devious little poop you are!" I said, gasping loudly, "But as long as you didn't tell them you were my lover..."
"Oh that was SO full of ick, I'm not even going to respond. I'll leave that for your rock star boyfriend. He called back, by the way."
"What did he have to say? And he is NOT my boyfriend." I replied defensively.
"Yeah Miss I'm In Denial, he only said he loves you. Uh huh, that says nothing in a relationship."
"Okay, so maybe he did say that. But unless your mind has been rejected by your body, you will also remember that he hung up after saying those three words." those three FABULOUS words... the ones I wanted to say back to him in the worst way.
Moe slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand and rolled her eyes back, "Do you know anything about boys?"
I sighed and leaned back against the pile of pillows, keeping a firm grip on Porky. He was like my lifeline to Lance, as cheesy as that may sound.
"No Dr. Ruth, enlighten me please."
"Ha ha... whatever, cynic."
"And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me I know that life won't break me."
~"Angels" by Robbie Williams
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