The next morning you wake up with a smile on your face. The smile turns into a frown when you realize she isn’t there. It returns again as you see her creeping back into your room.
Candice: (quietly) "hey sleepy head."
Justin: (stretches) "hey."
Candice: (sits on bed) "If you’re looking for Lance, he’s laying on the living room floor in our suite, covered in streaks of whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and Tiffani." (giggles - shudders) "euh!!!"
Justin: (chuckles) "eewww!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (sits up)
Candice: "really!" (hands him a bag) "here, I brought you something back from Café Tropical."
Justin: "thanks." (opens bag)
Candice: "I didn’t know what to get you, it’s good thing your mom was there."
Your what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Justin: "my what?!?!?!?!?!"
Candice: "your mom. You know, the woman that looks exactly like you and was chilling on your couch hier soir."
You really don’t care what the last thing she said meant. All you care about is why your mother went out with her, and what she told her.
Candice: "don’t worry! She didn’t give me any dirt on you."
Justin: (sighs in relief) "thank goodness!"
Candice: "yet!" (giggles)
That’s not funny! First you wake up to visions of a naked Lance covered in “sex condiments”. Now you have just found out that your mom went out on a date with the love of your life…before you did.
After a disgusting and embarrassing start, your day gets better. You, Joey, Chris, and Josh make fun of Lance the entire day. That night you pick up Candice and take her to Il Tiramisù for you all’s first date. After a quick change, the two of you head to the movies and catch a late showing of “Open Water”.
Note to self: never go back into the ocean again!
During one scene Candice jumps into your lap…which actually calms you down, because you were getting ready to jump into hers. She spent the rest of the movie there, which was both good and bad for you. Good, because you got to be close to her…and it also calmed your nerves a little. Bad, because she was shaking the entire time.
Sadly, you have to part from the love of your life. She goes back to Chicago to work on the opening of her boutique, and you and your boys go promote your new album. But, the two of you do have time to see each other…since she’s in one spot 98% of the time. She comes to the album release party, and you go to the grand opening of her boutique. Lance also makes you come to (what’s her face’s) boutique opening too.
Candice drops by a few dates on the tour. The two of you get a chance to spend Christmas with each other’s families. Unfortunately, most of your dad and Lisa’s families don’t like her, but at least his parents like her (whose opinion really mattered to you the most), and a few of your cousins that you’re close to…including the one that you never knew she went to school with. Fortunately, all of Paul and your mother’s families adore her…and both of their parents agree with you father’s parents on the fact that you and Candice would make some cute babies.
Sometimes, your family just let’s you know too much. Not that you weren’t already thinking that.
She also came to your birthday party that your boy P. Diddy threw for you. Amazingly, no one (outside of your friends and family) knows that the two of you are dating. Everyone almost found out on Valentine’s Day when the two of you appeared on “The View”, but you two played it cool…read: she played it cool, and you followed her lead. Candice and Tiffani (you finally learned her name in October) were on there talking about their new campaign for Candies. The guys and you were on there performing your new single.
Meredith: "the two of them have been conquering the word of fashion, with their clothing line Sweet Serenity since they were 19. Welcome to “The View” Tiffani Alexander and Candice Il-lana Scott."
As you sit back in the green room, and watch the two of them walk out, you are mesmerized by her walk.
Tiffani: "hi!"
Candice: "hi!"
Meredith: "did I pronounce your name right? Because I heard how you are about that."
You sit there in the green room watching them on the television. You laugh because she is nit-picky about her name. Plus, Meredith did pronounce it wrong.
Candice: "no. it’s I-lana."
Tiffani: "don’t worry about it, that’s what she gets for demanding people say her entire name."
Candice: "I’m sorry if I love my name!"
Joy: "and there’s nothing wrong with that!"
Candice: "see! Thank you."
Joy: "now, how does it feel to know that the two of you refined hooker-wear?"
She gives that giggle that you love.
Candice: "Tiffi, how does it feel?"
Tiffani: "me?!?! Whose floral mini skirt was that hooker wearing?!?!"
Elisabeth: "wait what?!?!?! So hookers do actually wear your clothes?!?!"
Tiffani: "just hers."
Candice: "that was one hooker! And we were in Las Vegas! Which means that she was probably working the high rollers."
Joy: (laughing) "wow, I guess you really did refine hooker-wear!"
Star: (laughs) "what made the two of you decide to do separate lines?"
Tiffani: "that was just something that the two of us knew we wanted to do from the beginning. We decided to launch our joint line first, for the exact same reason we ran for Prom Queen using the same posters."
Meredith: "and why is that?"
Candice: "it was cheaper! our senior year of high school, I told her that it would be cheaper to launch a joint line first, then do our separate lines."
The women continue to talk about their lines. Moments later, they get to the subject of their love lives.
Elisabeth: "alright, before I jump into this next question, I just want to show the audience this picture of the two of them. It’s from last year’s MTV Movie Awards."
The picture from the day you met her comes up on the screen. Instantly you mind goes back to that day.
Josh: "dude! Wipe your mouth, you’re drooling again."
The guys begin to laugh at you. Back on the set, Meredith asks them ‘the question’.
Star: "child, where is the rest of your skirt?!?!"
Candice: "that’s all of it right there."
Meredith: "what does your shirt say?"
Candice: "‘king me’."
Ah, that phrase that you wanted to carry out.
Joy: "whoa! Does your mother know…wait, where’s mom?"
Tiffani & Candice: (points - in unison) "right there."
Joy: "did you know that she had that on her shirt?"
Mom: "I did, but she told me that it was part of the chess theme she was aiming for."
Meredith: "I think it’s safe to say that she lied."
Mom: "I know that now." (in that mother tone) "Candice Ilana Scott!!!"
Candice: "what?!?! I thought it had a certain…je ne sais quoi!"
You had to laugh, because that’s how your baby was. Saying something dirty, but always able to clean it up with her cuteness.
Star: "mm, hmm! I think you knew what it had."
Elisabeth: "I guess I should get into my question before I get you into anymore trouble." (laughs) "the two of you are the newest spokes models for Candies’ “you don’t have to have sex to be sexy ad”. how much did that mean to you when you all were approached? Because your line, Sweet Serenity, seems to project that."
Tiffani: "it meant a lot to the two of us. Because you hear about young girls now as young as 12 having sex, because they think it’s sexy and cool and the thing to do."
Candice: "yea. Oh, hey, remember that 10yr old?"
Tiffani: "yea, I forgot about that."
Meredith: "a 10yr old what?"
Candice: "when we were Seniors in high school, one of our friends did internship at the hospital across the street from school."
Tiffani: "and one day she told us how this girl, who just turned 11, came in for a maternity ultrasound."
Star: "whaaaat?!?!?!?!"
Joy: "oh my god! Are you serious?"
Candice: "yes. So, when Candies approached us we didn’t even have to think about it."
Tiffani: "that, and we both love their stuff!"
Candice: (giggles a little) "that too!"
Elisabeth: "speaking of…relations, Tiffani I heard that you were seeing Lance of *N Sync. Is that true?"
Tiffani: "it was last July!" (laughs a little) "I’m single right now."
Joy: "so don’t worry girls, your Lance is still available for your molesting pleasure!"
You and the guys laugh as some of the girls in the audience scream.
Josh: "it’s a good thing they don’t know that their Justin isn’t available."
Lance: "yea, they might kill Candice."
Joey: "I doubt it, that’s one girl that you do not wanna piss off."
Chris: "especially when it comes to her Justy."
Them: (in unison) "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Justin: "shut up!"
Just be glad that none of the interns are in the green room. The last time one was in there, she blabbed to the ladies of “The View” that Joey was going to be a father.
Meredith: "and what about you missy? Is anyone there to ‘king’ you?"
She did not just ask her that question?!?! Then again, it is Meredith…not that you watch the show…she always says something outrageous whenever you’re there.
Candice: (laughs) "there’s someone, but he can’t ‘king’ me."
Joy: "tell us the truth. Pretend that your mom isn’t sitting there."
Candice: (shocked - laughs) "wha…I’m serious!!!"
Tiffani: "she really is. The girl wears a platinum chastity belt."
The women laugh at that statement. Your mom, her mom, and the fellas laugh at it too, because they know it’s true.
Star: "does he have a name?"
Candice: "yes."
Star: "are you going to tell us? Because I know that a pet peeve of yours is when people are always seen with someone, and they know that they are dating, but they refuse to tell the truth."
Your eyes widen as you remember that that is one of her peeves. And you thought no one knew…well, you hoped because you wanted to keep it private.
Joy: "is it Lance?"
Elisabeth: "what?!?! Joy! Is it J.C.?!?!"
Candice: "does anyone else want to add a member?"
Meredith: "nah!"
Thank you.
Meredith: "and that’s only because I heard that you were dating Nelly."
Who?!?!?!
Candice: (laughs) "alright. No, I’m not dating Nelly. I just appeared in his video."
Tiffani: "in his bed…in the video!" (laughs)
Candice: "thanks, you’re a lot of help."
Joy: "you know who I think you would make a cute couple with."
Candice: "who?"
Joy: "Justin."
Thanks! You always did like Joy.
Elisabeth: "yea, the two of you would make a cute couple. Joy and I should hook that up for you."
Joy: "and look, their moms are sitting together. Have the two of you ever thought about setting your children up?"
You silently pray that Lynn doesn’t gush to the world that you are dating Candice. If she does, you’ll disown her…only for a day, because you’d die without her.
Lynn: (smiling) "I don’t know about Zandra, but it’s crossed my mind a few times."
Zandra: (smiling) "I’ve thought about it a few times myself."
Joy: "well there you go. Elisabeth and I will do all of the messy work during the commercial break."
Elisabeth: (peppy) "we sure will!"
This ought to be fun.
Star: "did you all forget that she said that she has a boyfriend?"
Elisabeth: "oh yea."
Joy: (to the mothers) "don’t worry, we’ll work around that."
Everyone laughs as well as you guys. If they only knew that there was nothing to work around.
Meredith: "you know, you never told us his name."
Candice: "it’s Adonis."
You hand it to her, she didn’t lie. Adonis is her nickname for you. She began calling you that after a month of you calling her Goddess.
Elisabeth: "ooh, I like that name!"
Joy: "wait a minute! That was the love of Aphrodite!"
Candice: "and that’s his name."
Joy: (skeptically) "uh huh, okay. What does he do for a living? where did the two of you meet? And, for my final question: where is he from?"
Candice: "he’s from Tennessee, we met through a mutual friend, and he is a producer."
You had to hand it to her again. This girl knows how to tell the truth…without telling the truth.
Star: "so you met him while you were down there for school?"
Candice: "no, I actually met him the week after graduation at a party."
Once again, it’s not a lie. Their interview is now over. It’s time for your interrogation. Just breathe and follow your baby’s moves.
Joy: "so Lance, I heard about you and Miss Tiffani. What happened there?"
Lance: "um, well we both decided that it would better if the two of us stayed friends."
Actually, he was a bad fuck. But Tiffani didn’t want to seem like a bitch, and so she stuck with him for about two weeks. The only reason why you know this is because you begged Candice to tell you…yes, your ego was still a little bruised after his luck.
Elisabeth: "and what about you Justin? Joy and I really want to pair you and Candice up."
Justin: (laughs a little) "sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m seeing someone."
Meredith: "and her name is?"
Candice Ilana Scott-Timberlake!
Justin: "the most beautiful and enchanting woman in the universe."
Star: "we meant her real name."
Think man…think! Make another name out of her name…do something quick!
Justin: "Caila."
Meredith: "what does she do?"
Good god! Where do they come up with these hard-hitting questions?!?! Are you sweating? It’s the middle of February…don’t sweat!
Justin: "she’s a stylist."
Good one.
Joy: "really? Maybe we could set her and Adonis up on a date, while we set you and Candice up."
Justin: "what?!?! That’s pomegranate!"
That’s what?!?! Don’t use her sayings when you’re trying to avoid telling the world that the two of you are an item! Stupid Joey and Chris laugh because they know who you got that from.
Chris: (laughing) "J, don’t you mean ‘bananas’?"
Justin: (laughs nervously) "yea, but um…"(gains composure)"…you know I like to switch it up sometimes, and add my own twist to it."
Nice save.
Elisabeth: "hey, we could!"
Joy: "that’s what Julia Roberts, Jude Law, and Natalie Portman did in that movie."
Star: "you mean the one where they fall in love with each other’s significant?"
Joy: "yea."
Meredith: "just a word of caution Justin."
Justin: "what’s that?"
Meredith: "she’s not putting out so…"
Elisabeth: (gestures) "oh, he’s been there before! After all, he did date Brit…"(in realization)"…oh wait, never mind."
Everyone in the studio laughs. You always knew that folks would find out how big a tramp Britney was one day.
The show is now over. Luckily, the two of you get a chance to spend that evening together.
Justin: (hands her a Tiffany bag) "Happy Valentine’s Day."
Candice: (bright-eyed) "what is it?!?!"
Justin: "open it."
Candice: (opens box - gasps) "Adonis!" (hugs him) "Thank you. And you even spelled it right."
Justin: "of course! I know how you are about any one of your many names…Il-lana." (laughs)
Candice: "funny!" (hands him a bag) "here. Happy Valentine’s Day."
Justin: (opens box - mocks her) "Caila!"
Candice: (cutesy) "you’re wel…"(in realization)"…who in the fuck is Caila?!?!?!?!"
Justin: "you. I couldn’t call you Goddess on there, since you used Adonis, so I took the first two letters in your first name and the first three letters in your middle name."
Candice: "oh." (kisses his forehead) *mwah* "you’re so smart."
Justin: "I got it from you, you told the truth without telling it."
Candice: (does the ‘Karen’) "well, you know! Oh yea, that’s not really a gift certificate."
Justin: "well then, what is it?"
Candice: "do you really think 310 Motors actually gives out gift certificates for rims? If so, I take back what I said. I had that made so you wouldn’t freak out once you found your BMW missing."
Justin: "oh. No, I knew that they didn’t. but I thought you and your cuteness…and maybe one of your minis got them to do something special."
Candice: (ghetto scoffs) "no! I don’t use my body to get what I want! Except for that one time I was dwb, but that doesn’t count because he started staring down my shirt first."
Justin: (laughs) "sure!"
The two of you sit on the couch in her suite and watch the “Wedding Planner”…actually you watch the movie, and she recites most of the lines to you.
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