After the jet lands in Chicago you rent a Navigator and drive to her boutique. It’s a good thing that the boutique has two hours before it opens. Why? Because you get cussed out by two angry Black women, an angry Puerto Rican/Mexican woman, and an angry Bengali woman. Not only are they her employees but they are also her friends: Mari, Carmen, and Charisma (her best friends since her freshman year of high school) and Arianna (one of her closest friends from her freshman year in college).
Carmen: (looks out window) "no this mutha-fucka didn’t!!!"
Arianna: "what?" (looks) "what the fuck is he doing here?!?!"
Mari comes and unlocks the door to let you in. It’s a good thing, because had Carmen came to the door, you would be laying in the middle of traffic…and it’s rush hour.
Justin: "look, let me explain to y’all before I talk to Goddess, I mean Candi."
Charisma: "explain what?!?! Ain’t shit to explain! You cheated on her and now…"
Justin: "no I didn’t."
Arianna: "even though Britney isn’t anything, you still fucked her!!!"
Mari: "yea, and now you got our girl locked inside of her condo refusing to come outside!!!"
Justin: "no, listen…I was…"
Carmen: "we know what the fuck you were doing! You were fuckin that no good home-wrecking ho!!!"
Charisma: "you’re lucky that I got a kid to worry about, because I wanna kill your ass so fuckin bad!!!" (storms off)
As she storms off, she yells at you in Spanish. You don’t know all of the cuss words in Spanish, but your goddess did teach you a few of them. You’re able to make out the words: puto, cochino, and no mames…bitch, dirty, quit giving head…so, you figure that she called you a dirty bitch (among other things), and for you to tell Britney to stop giving you blowjobs (among other things). Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t know all of those words.
Mari: "but guess what! The three of us don’t have kids…so we’re gonna kick your mutha-fuckin, no good, cheating-ass!!!"
The three of them berate you for another half an hour. Just as they pull you to the ground and are about to beat the shit outta you, Trace walks in.
Thank god!
Trace: "WAIT!!!!!"
Arianna: "ooh!" (clears throat) "I mean…what the fuck do you want?!?!?!"
Trace: (fearful) "I…um, J…uh." (looks at Justin) "dude! Didn’t you tell them?!?!?!?!?!"
Justin: (on floor) "well, it’s kinda hard to tell four angry women, that think you cheated on their best friend, that you didn’t cheat on her…when you’re getting ready to get your ass kicked!!!!"
Carmen: "what?"
Trace: "he didn’t cheat on her."
Charisma: "you actually want us to believe that shit?!?!?!"
Mari: "you must want us to kick your ass too!!!!"
Arianna: "yea! You’re cute, but I’ll still kick your ass!!!"
Trace: (suavely) "really? And what is your name sexy?"
Justin: "TRACE!"
Arianna: "shut up!" (to Trace) "it’s Arianna."
As you lay there on the floor…under Carmen’s right boot…Trace and Arianna exchange phone numbers. Note to self: find new best friend.
Justin: "TRACE!!!"
Trace: "okay, okay! Keep your Calvin’s on!"
Mari: "maybe if he would’ve kept them on, he wouldn’t lying on the ground right now!" (to Justin) "how could you fuck her out of all people?!?!?!"
Carmen: "really!"
Charisma: "you could’ve at least gotten a prostitute! I’m pretty sure they have less diseases than Shitney."
Trace laughs. Of all the times not to laugh, this is it. Jerk!
Justin: "TRACE!!!!"
Trace: (clears throat) "oh yea, right! Sorry. Can I talk to the four of y’all?"
Mari: "sure. Have a seat."
Justin: "can I get off the floor?"
Carmen: "no! now shut up before my Steve Maddens make their mark!"
Trace: "he didn’t fuck Britney. This is what happened…"
Arianna: "where you there?!?!"
Trace: "no, but J. wouldn’t lie to his mother…who told me."
Charisma: "continue."
Trace: "Britney came over and asked him to make a sex tape with her, so that Kevin would finally want to divorce her."
Carmen: (laughs) "whaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!?!?!?!"
Mari: "wait, so it was gonna be Justin on the tape, instead of whoever that was?"
Trace: "yup."
Arianna: (laughing) "are you serious?!?!?!?!?!"
Trace: "yea."
Carmen finally removes her foot.
Charisma: (extends arm) "here, get up."
You get up and dust yourself off. Wait! So she did get a chance to make that tape? Poor Kevin, but then again, he did leave his pregnant girlfriend…he deserves that. No time to laugh, tell them the rest of the story!
Justin: "I was waiting on Candice to come so I could pro…uh, um…spend her birthday with her."
Nope, too late! They got the gist of what you almost said. The room is now filled with girly squeals and other feminine noises of excitement.
Justin: (rings ear) "damn! So anyway, Britney came over and told me how she needed me to have sex with her on tape, so she could get Kevin to divorce her. I refused. She then thought that straddling me would persuade me. Then I got up and walked over to the door, to open it. And as I was reaching for the doorknob, the…you know what I wanna call her, but I won’t…leaped on top of me and knocked me to the floor. Candice walked in on us, and I guess she thought that I was fondling Britney or something, but I wasn’t, I was trying to pry her off of me."
Silence? Oh no, that’s not good. Now, should you run for cover and leave your buddy there to fend for himself? Yes.
As you are about to flee, the four women bust up laughing.
They what?!?!
Trace: "guys?"
Charisma: "oh sorry. I just got a mental picture."
Mari: "me too."
Justin: "guys, you know that I love her with all my heart and soul. I’ve loved her ever since I first laid my eyes on her. All I’m trying to do is spend the rest of my life with this beyond amazing woman, and make her the happiest woman in the world."
Carmen: (tears up) "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Justin: "isn’t there anything you can do to help me get back with her? I miss her, and I’ve been miserable the last three months."
Arianna: "of course there is!!!!" (sniffs)
The women wipe their eyes and blow their noses, then they lock the boutique. You all head over to Candice’s condominium. Before you go in, they have you wait in the hallway, so they can talk to her first. This plan doesn’t really work.
Mari: (perkily) "guess what?!?!?!"
Candice: (lying on the couch crying) "what?"
Arianna: "someone wants to talk to you."
Trace: "Candi, hey."
Candice: "hi Trace! So Ari, I see you finally got that cute white boy you’ve been wanting…since freshman year."
Arianna: "ha-ha."
Trace: (hugs Candice) "so, how’s things going?"
Candice: "I’m fine." (sobs) "no I’m not, I’m miserable!!"!
Charisma: "okay, we’ve been over this many times. if the word is almost the same in English as it is in French…say it in English!"
Candice: "be careful of what you say to me. I don’t have a will to live now, so I can just off and kill you and be put on death row with no remorse."
Carmen: "speaking of your will to live…he’s right outside."
Candice: (pissed) "WHAT?!?!"
Mari: "Justin’s right outside."
Candice: "I don’t want to see his ass! So, you tell him to…wait a minute."
Them: "what?"
Candice: "who in the fuck is watching my store?!?!?!?!"
Arianna: "um…"
Candice: "um what?!?!"
Charisma: "we all drove over here with Trace and Justin."
Candice: "the fuck for?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What’s more important?!?! Get y’all asses back over to my shop before I fire all y’all!!! Don’t fuck with me, you know I’ll do it…and have yo asses replaced by lunch time today!!!"
Due to the fact that she yelled the last few lines she said, you were able to hear every word that your goddess said. You stand there and ponder whether or not you should just walk in there and lay your heart on the table. As you think, Arianna, Carmen, Charisma, and Mari damn near run you over. They take a moment to apologize to you…and suggest that you should go back to Cali.
Nah, you don’t think so!
Most men would have been on their way to the airport by now…many probably would have went after the boutique incident. Not you. You came to Chicago to propose to the: love your life, reason why you’re thankful to be alive, mother of your kids, most beautiful woman in the universe, woman who stole your heart within five minutes. If you can’t have your goddess today you pray that no one else gets her, because no one is good enough for her…you’re not even good enough for her, but she’s yours.
To make sure Trace doesn’t get caught up in his emotions, you call him and tell him not to tell her. No matter how many times she cries and begs people to tell her why, you won’t let them. You want to tell her because it should come from you. She trusted you to always tell her the truth, and if she’s willing, that’s what you are going to do.
It is now around noon. After sitting outside of her door for five hours, you come up with a plan. You go down the street to Walgreen’s and buy a small cd player/radio, then you head to Sam Goody and buy a Savage Garden cd. After your little shopping adventure, you head back to her place.
Candice: (sits up - peppy) "I heart that song!"
Trace: "is your alarm clock’s radio on automatic?"
Candice: "my alarm clock doesn’t have a radio. I wonder where it’s coming from."
Trace: "it sounds like it’s coming from the hallway." (looks through peep hole) "it’s J!"
Candice: "what?!?!"
Trace: "it’s Justin playing “I Knew I Loved You”."
Candice: (walks over to door - yells) "CAN IT JOHN CUSACK, I’M TRYING TO LISTEN TO PATRICK ELWOOD AND TAMRON HALL GIVE THE NEWS AT NOON!"
Defeated, you turn the radio off.
Candice: (flops back down on couch) "bitch!"
After a dismal week spent outside of her condominium, you decide that it’s time to bring in the big guns. Yup, it’s time to call mommy!
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