This is what my life had become these days. I sat nestled comfortably in the couch with my wife, her head pillowed in my lap as she slept peacefully. She was my world, my everything. As I strummed my fingers through her soft auburn hair, my eyes were glancing on the rather blank notebook that rested on the arm of the couch. Her bright green eyes opened as a small breeze came from the window on the other side of the room. The smell of fresh daffodils took control of my nose. She smiled up at me and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“Hey beautiful” I said as I smiled down at her.
“Did I interrupt something good?” I asked as her grin became sunnier.
“Actually yes. I dreamed we were down at the beach again and you had your arms around me as the sun was setting. It was just breathtaking Josh”.
I nodded my head. “That's when I first told you I loved you baby”.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. She nodded as I bussed her forehead softly. I loved her with every breath I took. I continued to jot down thoughts and lines to a song but I just couldn't get them to flow right. I couldn't understand my problem. I was bursting with feelings but just couldn't make a song out of them. Somewhat frustrated, I threw the pen down with a huff going back to what mattered most.
“Stuck baby?” she asked me. I simply nodded.
Writers block had the best of me these days. Then again, my mind was focused on other things. Not more important than my music but just as equal. My melody. My other hand began to rest on my wife's less then secretive tummy. I rubbed my fingers back and forth in a soothing gesture. That was my baby in there. My own flesh and blood, growing with every breath I took, every breath she took. Life had just done a complete 180 on me. We weren't expecting something like this to happen but just like everything, I'm learning to adapt. My fingertips did a little dance just around her belly as I slid down gently to rest my head against her growing abdomen. Slowly I started a soft hum before I began to sing.
‘Woke up this morning and the sun was gone. I turned on some music to start my day. I lost myself in a familiar song…’ and just like every other time I’d done that, my baby began to kick. My child. I found that so hard to believe. Something created out of love was inside my wife, growing and it was only weeks, before she'd come out and be in my arms and in my life forever. I was going to be a father. Was I ready for such a responsibility? It was all too much to grasp.
“Chasez, you better stop that. You don't have to sleep with her kicking like crazy all night,” my wife complained with a small smile.
I laughed a little and kissed her on the forehead. “Sorry baby. I just find this all too much. Its like, its like she knows I'm her daddy,” I pleaded.
“Sweetheart, I told you that she can recognize voices by now. She knows who you are. Besides, who could forget that heart melting voice you've got going on?”
I had to smile. My wife always praised my voice. That's what brought us together. Something as simple as music. That's why we were sitting here today. Wedding rings marked our fingers with a signature of love forever as our love continued to grow inside her tummy. She was my dream, my everything. Life just didn't get any better than this. Better than a melody.
*3 weeks later*
It was early in the AM, as I lie there staring blankly at the ceiling, pondering my thoughts here and there. I felt like I could explode with feelings these days. If only, if only I could translate them into words, into a melody. I was awaked by the tiny cry coming from down the hall. I looked to my left to see my wife off in a deep slumber. Suddenly she shifted and bolted up right so she was sitting. She was still as beautiful as the day Id met her. I turned to face her and brush a soft kiss on her cheek.
“I've got her babe. Get some rest, please,” I pleaded. She gave me a soft smile before brushing her lips to mine in a soft thank you before she lay back down again, shutting her eyes peacefully.
Walking down the hallway, my steps two at a time, I walked into my daughters bedroom. She was exactly one week old to the day and I cant put into words how much she's changed my life for the better. I carefully picked her up through her fit of tiny cries and laid her on my shoulder. She quickly took shelter, crowding against the crook of my neck where she began to take calming breaths as her tears slowly began to subside. I began rubbing her small back soothingly, trying to relax her as best as I could. I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful she is. She has my eyes; my smile and a few brown curls that lay on the back of her head. It still was all too much to grasp.
Grabbing the bright yellow fleece blanket with perfectly decorated with daffodils, from her crib, I just had to laugh.
“You've got a lot of your mother in you baby”.
We began to take the small journey down the flight of stairs to the living room. Finding my favorite place to rest, I carefully sat down and leaned back against the soft cushions with my baby right where she needed to be, against my heart. Her soft coos and breaths let me know that she had settled down, but she wasn't quite asleep. She wiggled and squirmed as much as a baby could at her age. She was restless and in need of her daddy. It was a job Id take on wholeheartedly.
I picked her up enough to look catch a smile and look into her beautiful eyes. Eyes that mirrored mine and a smile that was apart of myself as well as her mother. Placing a small kiss on her wrinkly forehead, I cradled her into my arms and began to rock back and forth. I took in her small features as she let out a tiny little sigh. She made my heart melt with every breath she took. Pretty soon her sighs turned into gasps and she was in a fit of tears once more.
“It's all right baby. Daddy's got you. We don't want to wake your mommy up now do we? Want daddy to sing you a song?”
I pondered for a second. What song was there of mine that I hadn't already over sung to my daughter? She looked up at me and I could see the sparkle in her eyes, even through her tiny tears. Even though she couldn't take in all of me, I know she could tell who I was just by the sound of my voice and my scent. I traced my fingertips over her eyes to wipe away her tears. Her skin was so soft, so delicate. To think that she was created from the love of two people was just too much for me. How is it possible to love someone so much that you've only known for a weeks time? It was amazing.
“The way it’s looking now, you're daddy won't have a new song to sing to you for a while. I’m so stuck baby”. As I confessed this to her, her cries got louder. That obviously didn't fly well with my baby girl.
“Are you hungry sweetie? Hmm? Let's go into the kitchen and get you a bottle. Maybe that will make you feel better okay?”
Placing her on my shoulder, where she loved the most, she crowded against the crook of my neck once again as we ventured off to get a bottle. I reached into the fridge and pulled out an already pre-made bottle for those late 2 am feedings. Popping it into the microwave, I began to rub her back again softy as I started to hum some unknown tune. Once I heard the beep, indicating the bottle was done; I took it out and shook it.
“Hey sweetie, look what you daddy has”.
I don't know why I told her this. It’s not like she had any clue what I was talking about. We made our way back to our favorite couch, yellow blanket and bottle in tow. I cradled her in my arms once more as I began to feed her. Her tiny lips drank the formula from the small bottle and I noticed her cries and gasps had finally settled.
“There you go baby girl. You were just hungry weren't cha?” I asked her as she continued to fill her small tummy. Placing the bottle aside, I looked over at the blank notebook on the couch side stand. I let out a frustrated sigh.
“Think your daddy could write a song these days?” I asked as I carefully placed her on my shoulder and began patting her back. Letting out a fulfilled burp, I laughed.
“Is that a yes? Thanks for the support cutie” I smiled.
My daughter and her mother we my biggest fans. The music I wrote reflected off of them and was wrote into a way I saw them in my life. Perfect and beautiful. Feelings I did my best to describe. Words that deserved to be painted on a canvas, the kind that takes your breath away. I had a reason to try to start at least some type of song. My wife and my daughter deserved that much out of me. Music was in my blood. Its who I am. Who I’ll always be. With one hand steadied on my daughter, my other reached for my notebook once again.
“Here goes nothing,” I said as I laid the tablet down on my leg where I was sporting my favorite blue plaid pj’s. My heart and soul did the talking. I wrote what was on my mind. What I was feeling. Honestly, how can I put into words what I feel? Those words explain it all. It’s all too overwhelming. My daughter was nestled where she always seemed to be. In the crook of my neck. I loved her so much I felt as though my heart was going to explode. I loved her mother just as much. Her mother, my reason for living. The love of my life. This time, my emotions, feelings, insecurities and hopes took over but I let the pen in my hand guide the way.
She loves daffodils and she keeps em on her windowsill. When the wind blows, the smell fills the room. She dreams in color…but does she know I love her? I'm swimming in my abyss of insecure blue yea. I'm losin’ my head and I cant get no sleep but if I reached out, would you reach out for me?
Knocked unconscious walkin on water cuz I’m thinking of you. And don’t cha know that loves intoxicating and I need the abuse. Because I’m endlessly falling and we’re destiny calling what you’re makin me do…all because I lose myself, in you.
And just like that, the words spilled out one at a time, feeling after feeling. I heard the soft footsteps coming down the stairs as I turned around to see the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen before. She ruffled the curls on my head before placing a kiss on my cheek.
“There’s my Melody” she smiled as she reached an arm out for the baby girl in my arms. Our baby girl.
“Did you sleep good Hun?” I asked. She nodded as she took the small sleeping infant from my arms, careful not to wake her.
“Melody baby, you are you’re daddy’s daughter” she laughed.
“Hey now, I’m still awake thank you” I teased as I tweaked her nose like I always did when she would pick on me.
“Uh huh. Impressive. Did you get something done Josh?” she questioned of the notebook in my lap, my sloppy thoughts jotted down every which way. Only to spill out into perfection.
Tossing the notebook down to the floor, I grinned softly before taking a deep breath. I had it all. I looked around me to take everything in. What my life had become. My wife, the most beautiful woman I’d ever met, the love I needed, my music. Oh my music. I had my song. I looked down at my beautiful baby girl. Running my fingers over her soft silky hair, I kissed her forehead once again. I had my song; I had my wife and most of all. I had my Melody.
I looked over at her with bright eyes.
“I sure did baby” were my last words before we cuddled up on the couch together, nestled comfortably like the family we’d become. Beautiful and soft like the Melody we had created, like the Melody we had sung.
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