Disclaimer: This story deals with suicide. Lyrics are from DC Talk's "What Have We Become?"
Rosie
She was the perfect child with the perfect family. Or so They said. They...They. Always that They. When adults said it, it was always something good. “Rosie, dear, you look just like your father! And They tell me you sing like him too!” “They told me you were a doll, and They were right.” They, They, They. Who were They? She didn’t. Apparently They liked her. They may have even loved her. No, They couldn’t. No one loved her.
But this mysterious They were very fickle, for whenever the kids in her class talked about them, it was never very kind. “They say your daddy didn’t want you! They told me he wanted to give you away.” “They said your mommy and daddy fight all the time and they might break up.” “I heard it’s all your fault. They told me.”
Of course, as is often the case, the children were a lot closer to the truth than the adults. Maybe They trusted them with this information because They thought it couldn’t do any harm. They were wrong.
Mom and Dad are fightin'
As Rosie lies there crying
For once again she's overheard
Regrets of their mistake
“Well, what the fuck do you expect me to do about it, Marissa?” Daddy’s voice came bellowing from the next room. They didn’t think she could hear them, but they were louder than they knew and the walls were thinner than anyone would have thought.
“I expect you to want to spend some time with me for once in your pathetic fucking life!” Mommy’s voice screeched in response. She buried her face in her pillow and let her tears soak the white cotton as she tried to block their voices.
“Well then why don’t you make an effort to spend some time with me?”
“Because you’re always gone, asshole!”
“How many fucking times have I told you that you can come with me? ‘I can’t come!’” Daddy mimicked Mommy. “‘Rosie has school.’ Rosie, Rosie. Always fucking Rosie. You’re always using her as an excuse not to spend time with me! I’m not the one ruining this marriage Marissa. It’s you! It’s always been you!”
She covered her ears with her hands and shut her eyes tightly. Stop, stop, stop, she pleaded silently. Please stop. But she could still hear Mommy’s bitter laugh as it rang throughout the house.
“I’m ruining this marriage? I am? What do you expect me to do, Justin? You expect me to just leave our daughter here alone while I go gallivanting around with you on your little tours and watch all your little whores throw themselves at you? Yeah, I’ll just go do that.”
“I expect you to make some effort!” Daddy spat.
“No, you expect me to put you first when you didn’t even want to marry me in the first place. If you had your way, you would have been out of this relationship a long time ago.”
It was Daddy’s turn to laugh as her tears slowly began to dry up. “Oh, it’s the famous ‘You-Didn’t-Want-Me-In-the-First-Place’ argument!” Mommy had used that argument many different times. She had heard them all, and they rarely had to do with whatever Mommy and Daddy had been yelling about in the first place.
“Well, it’s true!” Mommy yelled.
“Fine, Marissa! Fine, you’re right. I only married you because of that fucking kid but if you had listened to me in the first place-“
“You know what?” Mommy interrupted. “I wish I had. I wish I had gotten an...“ She never finished that sentence. “Because then I would have to deal with you anymore. I am really sick and fucking tired of dealing with you and your shit, Justin. Always cheating, always whining, always wanting to be more important than Ros-“
“Mommy,” her small voice came from the doorway and Mommy’s head turned to look at her.
“Go back to your room, sweetie,” Mommy ordered immediately.
“But, Mommy...”
“Now, Rosie!”
“Mommy, I-“
“NOW!”
The tears welled up in her eyes again as Mommy turned back to Daddy, arms folded and eyes narrowed. She wandered back to her room, wishing that her life were as perfect as the one They told the adults about.
With Christmas bells a-ringing
Little Rosie'd leave them grieving
The rain of winter pounding coldly and mercilessly against her window as she stared at herself in the mirror, her reflection lit by the glow of Christmas lights hanging on the trees in the yard. There was yelling coming from down the hall again. Ten years she’d been living with this. Ten years she’d cried herself to sleep almost every night, especially when Daddy was home, because when Daddy was home it meant the yelling would start. It was her fault. It was all her fault. They said it was. “If it weren’t for that fucking kid we wouldn’t be in this situation,” They always said. It was her fault. It was all her fault.
She had heard once from Roger, who sat next to her in Mrs. Flinders’ 5th grade class, that if you took too many pills you would die. It happened to his sister.
Die. She’d never known anyone who died, but she supposed it must be horrible. Everyone always shed so many tears when someone died. But at the same time, she thought it must be a relief. To die and never have to worry about anything again, never have to worry about all the trouble you’re causing everyone...it must be nice.
She stared at the bottle. Roger hadn’t told her what kind of pills, but she supposed any would do.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you!” Mommy’s voice resonated throughout the house and she closed her eyes tightly as she unscrewed the bottle.
The gift she'd give her family
Would be the pills she'd take
“Oh my god, oh my god. Rosie, wake up! Oh my god, oh my god. Justin, come here! Something’s wrong!”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“It’s Rosie, she won’t wake up! Something’s terribly wrong. Oh my god.”
“Oh god...”
“I think she took some pills...please do something, baby.”
“I’ll call an ambulance.”
If she’d been awake, she may have smiled at the way they frantically tried to wake her and get someone to help. It was almost as though they actually cared. They always said it would come too late.
An inconvenient child
She wasn't worth their while
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