I am going to cry. Kamal asked Keisha on a date infront of everyone at Work and she said yes. And yes, that is the Kamal who stole The Boss at Work's bagel. He is eeeeeeeeeevil with a capital E, really really evil and now I really really hate him. When she said yes I swear a sharp knife went through my ribcage and into my heart and puncturing my lungs too, I even looked round and put my hand down to check if I was bleeding. I wasn't which was weird because it really felt real, I couldn't breathe either. I don't like this feeling, I don't like it at all.
I can understand why Kamal asked Keisha out because she is breathtakingly beautiful and really nice to boot, but I don't understand why she had to say 'yes' when she could have said 'no'. She says it's because everyone was watching and he's the office stud and people would get suspicious if she turned him down, but I don't think I believe her. She could have said 'no', she could have said she was with me; we've been dating long enough and it was getting really good between us. And I don't steal bagels like he does.
I never understood the word 'stud' when used in reference to a man, a stud horse is a male horse which is purely made to have sex with female horses. Does that mean Kamal is made purely to father everyone's babies? He better not have Keisha's babies or I will get SO MAD! It must suck being made purely for sex though, I kinda feel sorry for the stud horses. I mean I know sex is supposed to be fun and all but what if the horse longs for something more meaningful than that, a spiritual and emotional connection as well as a physical one. The horse has no choice, he has no chance. How sad. I'd hate to be a stud horse.
Part of me thinks Keisha secretly wants to date him (Kamal, not the stud horse), just to see what a normal person is like to date. I bet she thinks things might be better with him but how can she? I treat her the best I can and then some, he wouldn't do that! He won't love and respect her like I do, he could never appreciate her as much as I do because he's always had it good and I bet he's had girlfriends before but I haven't. I don't want to be compared with him, because I have a horrible nagging feeling that I'll be the loser.
What really eats me up though is whether she thinks he's gonna be better than me because he isn't autistic and has no problems whatsoever (other than his bagel stealing). Well she's a bitch for that, I hate hate hate her too. Because you know what? Even after everyone had gone away she still didn't turn him down, I asked her why not and she gave me a sympathetic look and said I wouldn't understand. Bitch bitch bitch. I'm no fool.
Why wouldn't I understand? And why wouldn't she even just try? Wouldn't a good girlfriend try? I'm gonna let you in on something: lately Keisha and I have been having our problems. She blames her periods (which are disgusting, but that's a whole other chapter ) but I don't, she just seems so difficult to talk to, and so distant. She acts like she doesn't want to be near me, and this Kamal thing has only gone and made things worse. At Work we used to at least be chatty and smiley, but now she always keeps her head down and won't look at me or talk to me. At Home when no one else is around, she acts the same. I just don't get it, what happened?
Momma says I should trust her and that trust is important in a relationship. But how can I trust her when she won't explain to me why she's gonna date another guy? Am I being irrational? I think not. And it's not like I enjoy feeling like I'm being tortured because I don't, it's horrible, I really wish it would stop. All I can do is hope and pray that things will get better, that the sun will shine and she will explain everything and we'll be cool again, but I have a horrible feeling in my stomach that things won't work that way. Like I said: it makes me wanna cry.
I'm really tempted to go follow them on their date tomorrow just to make sure nothing is going the way it shouldn't, and that Kamal doesn't hurt her. Actually, I think that sounds like a Good Plan.
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