ALL MY LIFE
I lay there. Thinking of her.
I shouldn't have been thinking of her. I had Britney.
But I couldn't help it. I tried not to, I promise I did.
But her image always came into the darkness when I closed my eyes.
My couch suddenly became very hard and cold and uncomfortable. The ceiling seemed to crash down upon my body. I wanted to move. But I couldn't.
I was helpless.
The phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered. I sounded annoyed. I didn't mean to be, but it came out that way.
"You OK, J? I'm sorry baby. What's wrong?"
Britney. I love her. I think. Nah. I don't really know. Our relationship is so easy. So routine. So expected. So...boring. "I'm just tired."
"Well, I'll be there in a few days. Just think of all the alone time we get to spend together."
I sighed. Just great. Time alone with the person I didn't want to be with. "I can't wait."
"Well, I have to go. Call ya later, sweets. MUA! Bye."
That was strange. She usually told me she loved me. Not today. Maybe her feelings were changing too.
I was sitting up now. Staring at my front door.
It would be so easy. Stand up, walk out the door, across the street, and knock on the door.
Too easy.
I thought of her.
She looked exotic, foreign almost. Yet she was born and raised in the south. Her hair was brown, but sometimes the light would make it turn almost red, other times it looked like a smoky black. I always loved to run my hand through it. Always silky and thick and smooth. Her brown eyes were big and beautiful and could get me to open up when I didn't want to. Her skin color was olive and very unique. Her body wasn't built like Britney's. In fact she was Britney's opposite. She was very short. Almost a foot under me. And god, was she fit. But not like Britney. Her muscles weren't as noticeable as Brit's. Her chest wasn't as big either.
Maybe I'm not a normal guy, I kinda liked that.
And her style was very, boyish. Earth colors and she never showed skin unless she wore a bathing suit. And they were usually one-pieces. She was sarcastic and funny and very dorky.
She was the BIGGEST dork I had ever met.
Like me.
She has a Star Wars poster on her wall. I pick on her, calling her Yoda. She loves it though.
She IS Yoda.
She is wise like him.
I go to her for advice. And she always has an answer, the right answer. She's two years younger than me, yet more mature than I will EVER be. She's a senior in high school.
And lately it's been illegal for me to have the thoughts that I do about her.
We got back from touring a few nights ago. I came home and thought of her. All night.
Holding her, talking to her, and....kissing her.
This cant be happening.
It's been 3 days since I've been home.
And I haven't spoken to her.
I know she knows I'm home. She's got to have seen my car out front.
I've sat on my butt all these past three days, waiting for her to bust open my front door and go to the fridge and grab the last Dr. Pepper like she always did. Then she would sit by me on the couch and turn her body so that her legs were in my lap and she would flip on the TV and turn it to MTV.
I hated it when she did that. She'd wait till something on Nsync came on and she would find every way possible to degrade my ego and make fun of me. Then she would change it to Comedy Central or put in a movie and we would spend hours-watching TV, occasionally talking.
That was my relationship with her.
She was my best friend.
I'll never forget the day I met her. I had been in my new house for about a week when my security alarm went off. I quickly turned it off and looked outside to see if I saw any intruders.
All I saw was a lean Dalmatian running across my front lawn with a Frisbee in its mouth.
And then I saw her.
She was beautiful. Chasing the dog. She reached the dog that I found out is named Spot. She also has a Siamese cat named Amidala and a parrot named Ewok.
I told you she loved Star Wars.
Anyway, so I walked outside, scared at first that she would freak at the fact Justin Timberlake was her neighbor.
She was lying on the ground with spot on top of her licking her face. I called out to her and she stood up as Spot ran away almost frightened.
She just apologized for Spot and her causing the alarm to go off and left.
The next day I was taking my routine run and passed her jogging with Spot.
We were going opposite directions.
I turned and asked if she wanted a jogging buddy.
And ever since then we've been best friends.
I haven't known her long.
But I know more about her than I do myself.
And the same goes for her.
She came and visited me on tour a few times. All the guys love her. Especially Chris and Lance. They adore the girl.
I do too.
"Why am I at home?" I asked myself outloud.
I'm such an idiot sometimes. Maybe she was waiting on me to come see her first.
And I did it.
I walked out the front door, down my driveway, across the street, to her front door.
Normally I would just go through the garage door and enter the house like I owned it.
Her parents didn't mind.
Well, I think her dad did sometimes. But he is just being a dad.
I would be the same way if she were my daughter.
Her mom loves me though.
Yeah, I know it's a cocky thing to say, but she does. And I love her mom. She is so sweet, a lot like my mom.
She told me once her dad didn't like the fact that I had earrings and was a singer. And we've kept the fact that I have a tattoo a secret. She said he wouldn't take that well. But he likes my car.
Maybe I should let him drive it.
Maybe then he would like me more.
Anyway, so I rang the doorbell.
A few seconds later the door opened.
"Justin?"
"Beth?"
I was enveloped in the short girl's arms. She was her sister. She was older than me by a year, yet way shorter. I bet she was no more than 5 foot.
"How's college?" I asked as she let me enter the house. We stayed in the foyer.
"Oh great. How's the music business?" She smiled goofily her big blue eyes twinkling at me.
"Fine. Is Meredith home?"
Beth nodded to the steps that were right in front of us. "She's in her room."
"OK, well, I'm going to go bother her. See ya later." I walked up the steps to the part where they turned the opposite way.
"Hey Justin?"
"Yeah." I stopped and looked down at Beth who was leaning on the railing still standing in the foyer.
"She's upset about something. She has been for the past few weeks. That's why I'm home from college. Mom and dad are worried about her."
My heart stopped. "What's wrong? She's not hurt is she?"
"No, I think she has a lot on her mind. Just, do something, OK? Snap her out of it." Beth giggled and walked out of my sight into the cathedral ceiling living room.
I ran up the rest of the steps making noise against the wooden floors.
My tennis shoes hit the plush white carpet of their upstairs and the noise ended. I walked swiftly down the hallway/balcony that overlooked the living room to her doorway. It was closed.
I knocked quietly.
No answer.
I cracked the door open.
"Meredith?"
She wasn't there.
I stepped into her room and heard her. I turned and walked through the small hallway that connected her room to the "bonus room" as we called it. IT was only accessible from her bedroom and was probably the coolest room of the house.
It had a couch, a recliner, a bigscreen TV, boze surround sound system. The works.
That's where we hung out mostly.
We always played our music really loud. We danced and bounced off the walls up there. It was sound proof.
The only problem was there were no windows in that room, so it got quite depressing.
I listened through the door and heard her.
HER.
Her sweet voice. I loved that voice.
She couldn't sing perfectly. She was no Christina.
Personally she had a better natural voice than Britney, but don't tell anyone I said that.
I heard a guitar and smiled.
A gift from me. Her 17th birthday present was a guitar from me.
Damn, 17.
She's young.
I'm only 19, but still.
In about 9 months she'll be 18 and it won't sound so bad.
Damn, I'll be 20.
Oh well. She's mature enough to be a 25-year-old, so it doesn't really phase me.
I cracked the door open and spotted her sitting Indian style on the floor, her back to me.
She was attempting to sing Tracy Chapman's "The promise"
She was doing...OK.
She messed up on a cord and groaned. She started it again.
"If you wait for me, then I'll come for you..."
That's what I loved about her, she never gave up.
"Although I've traveled far, I always hold a place for you in my heart..."
I sat down on the carpet right behind her. She stopped singing for a moment, but continued playing and humming. She didn't acknowledge me, but I think she realized I was there. I don't know how.
My legs went on either side of her body and my arms went around her small frame. My hands rested on top of hers on the guitar. Never once did she jump.
It was a very intimate position.
I didn't care.
She stopped playing and leaned back against my chest. I could smell her shampoo, the scent I had missed so much on the road. I took the guitar away from her and set in on the floor beside her and encircled my arms completely around her.
She felt so good there, so perfect.
Like that was where she was supposed to be.
She breathed deeply, I think she was smelling me, I'm not sure though.
"I missed you, Justin." She whispered.
"You too, Yoda." We both chuckled softly.
We were silent.
Words weren't needed.
She buried the back of her head in the crook of my neck and looked up and mumbled. "I love you, Justin."
Huh?
What?
How?
Oh my gosh.
I can't believe this.
When did this happen.
That's what her sister meant by her being down. She's been thinking about this.
"What did you just say?" I gasped.
She turned and looked at my wide eyes and dropped jaw strangely. She chuckled, "I said 'I wanna go clubbin'. Like when you and Lance snuck me in that one place that night on tour. We should do that, you and me. This weekend. What did you think I said?"
"Oh, umm nothing." I tried to laugh.
She smiled and tackled me in a hug. I fell backwards on the floor as she lay onto of me, hugging me.
My hands found her sides.
Her weak spot.
"STOP! HEHEHE! Oh my gosh, stop JUSTINNNN!" She screamed as I tickled her.
She rolled over, trying to free herself from my fingers.
She was on her back and I was hovering over her with a clenched jaw tickling her. She had tears streaming down her face and a bright smile on her lips.
She was so beautiful.
Breathtaking.
She continued to laugh that funny laugh that I'm addicted to.
She stopped laughing...
...When I kissed her.
It was a mere lips touching lips and nothing more. A 3rd grade kiss. But when I pulled away and saw her eyes I regretted ever doing it.
She looked scared. Like a deer in headlights.
She pushed me away and stood up, only to plop down on the couch. "What was that for?"
I ran my hands over my face in embarrassment. "I don't really know."
"Why did you do that?"
I looked at her; she was staring at me like a 5-year-old. I sat up.
Oh my gosh.
"Oh my gosh."
I couldn't believe it.
"I can't believe this."
I was in love with her.
"I'm in love with you."
I sat up some more and sat Indian style looking at her shocked face. "How did this happen?" I exclaimed.
She shook her head with wide eyes. "How the hell am I supposed to know Rico?!"
"Rico?"
"Yeah, Rico Suave." She said like I should have known.
I laughed. So did she.
Only she could have pulled a joke at a time like this. I pulled myself up on the couch beside of her.
"So, Rico? How's Brit Brit?" She nudged me amused.
"I don't know. Meredith you girls got me confused." I leaned my head on her shoulder and whimpered.
"It's not my fault. I haven't done anything." She got defensive.
I sighed. "I know, it's my fault. I don't love Britney anymore, Mere. I love you. Oh my gosh, we are taking this very well. Look at us. We are calm. YOU are calm. Miss Nerves is calm. What's wrong with you?"
This wasn't like her. She usually gets nervous about things like that. How could she be calm?
"Well, umm, I umm..."
"Spit it out, Yoda."
She smiled and looked at me. She took a deep breath and let it out saying 'OK.'
"I've loved you ever since the 2nd time I laid my eyes on you."
"What?" I asked amused.
No way!
"When we took our first jog together." She said quietly.
"You've loved me for over 8th months and never said anything?"
"Yeah." She smiled looking into my eyes, hers looking so deep and passionate.
I smiled a smile that I hardly ever gave. And amused, happy smile and leaned over to claim her lips for the second time in my life.
The first time wasn't anything compared to this. This was good.
This was what I had dreamed about.
All my worries about age and about Britney and her dad left my world when her hands plunged into my hair and she pulled my mouth harder against her own.
After a few minutes of pure bliss...I seriously thought I was in heaven... She pulled away.
I was practically lying on top of her on the couch. I caressed her soft cheek with my palm.
She whispered so close to my lips that I could feel her hot breath on them. "I think you need to call Britney."
I smiled and kissed her lightly once more before pulling away. "I think we need to prepare your father for an early heart attack."
She laughed and hugged me tightly. "I've been waiting for this Justin. I've been waiting for you."
"I know sweetie. I've been waiting for you too." I pulled her away so I could look at her face. I smiled. "All my life. I've been waiting for you, all my life."
Number of reviews: 1
Print:
Chapter or Story