LIFE'S EASY
Well me and Meredith didnt work out.
It wasnt a big shocker.
I dont really understand it all but this is what happened:
After we told each other that we loved each other we decided to watch a movie. I wanted to watch something romantic, I was in the mood and all. But NO! She had to watch the Matrix.
I like the movie, but its not what I wanted to watch with the woman I loved.
And I realized, she wasnt the woman I loved. Or at least I didnt think. I loved her, but more sisterly, I think.
I'm still pretty confused about it all.
Anyways, so she was sitting there getting all excited about the movie and I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her.
She pushed me away.
I looked at her and she stared at me. "This isnt going to work." We said at the same time.
And ever since then we've just let it go. In fact we are closer now.
Sometimes too close.
Britney and her dont get along at ALL. Well, they've never been in a fight and I really do think Meredith likes Brit. She's always very nice about her. But Britey, well, she has said umm, some not nice, things about, uhh, Mere.
But I would be that way if Britney had a best guy friend. I guess, actually I dont think I would care.
Oh well...
Yeah so life is good.
Easy.
Life's easy.
Is that a good life? An EASY life?
"Justin!"
"What?" I looked into my girlfriends eyes.
"You arnt kissing me back." Britney said in almost an accusatory voice.
"sorry..." I mummbled. Her lips made her way to mine and I rolled my eyes as she pushed me back onto the couch, her ontop of me.
She kissed me for about 5 minutes.
Then I heard the sound of a door open then slam. Someone stomped across the floor into the kitchen. Britney didnt hear, obviously.
I pulled her away. "Stop, Brit. Did you hear that?"
"No, what?" She kissed my neck, ignoring me.
"I think someone just came in."
"You are hearing things." She mummbled kissing me, HARD.
I let her attack my neck as i stared at the ceiling. I noticed something in the corner of my eye and looked down towards the large doorway of my living room, where I was at.
She stared at us.
I stared at her.
She slowly brought the Dr. Pepper can away from her lips and mouthed "sorry."
Without another word she turned and left. A few moments later I heard the front door close quietly.
Britney raised her head. "What is WRONG with you?"
"Nothing, Britney."
She rolled her eyes and kissed me agian.
All we ever did was make out, and.....well, you know...
--------
As I watched Britney leave in a limo from my house, yeah, i dont really know why she had a LIMO come pick her up, she had a reason. Anyways, as she left I looked over to her house.
She was laying on the grass on a blanket. Spot was running around the yard and she was petting a olive colored cat, Amidala.
I slowly sauntered over to her and laid down beside her, silently.
We laid there for a while not saying anything.
"I'm sorry I walked in on you two." She said sighing.
"It's ok, you're just so use to coming on in. It's fine, really."
"Maybe, I should start ringing the doorbell."
"No, Meredith. No. I like the fact that we can just come over whenever we feel like it to one another's houses."
She turned her head towards me and her hair fell across her face. I reached up and tucked it behind her ear for her. "I like that too."
She turned back to the sky and finally shifted so her head was resting on my shoulder slightly. "When do you guys leave?"
I knew what this was about. I hated it as much as she did. "In a week."
"Great." She said with no emotion.
I wrapped an arm around her neck, holding on to her opposite shoulder. Her soft little hand came up to cover mine. "I hate this as much as you do. I wish I could stay here. I love looking out my front door at 3:30 and see you pull up from school. I watch as you go in your garage and about 5 minutes later you walk back out and head straight over here. I love that. And you know I love ya. And you know I'm going to miss ya."
"I know Justin. It just hurts, ya know? I mean it seems like whenever you finally come back and everyhting is perfect and great and we are fine, you have to up and leave. I missed you so much this summer Justin. I missed you more than anything I had ever missed in my entire life. It just hurts."
I squeezed her shoulder. "I know, Mere. I know."
"I guess thats what I get when I have a popstar as a bestfriend." She giggled and picked up Amidala so she was resting on her stomach. She played with the cat, who looked unamuzed and rather bored with the whole situation.
I felt another presence on my other side and turned and got a big wet kiss from Spot. "That's just disgusting." I mummbled. She turned and laughed.
Spot walked over me to go annoy Amidala, he stepped on my stomach in the process. "OWW"
"What?" She turned to me, very concerned. She was always like that. Like a mother, very worried and concerned.
"Nothin, Spot just decided to stepped on me." I rubbed the spot on my stomach.
"SPOT!" She yelled. "I swear that dog is evil."
"You guys need to clip his nails." I said, feeling the scratch on my tummy.
"Aww, here let me see." She lifted my shirt a bit. I smiled when I saw her eyes widen slightly then a permanent grin spread across her face. Now, I'm not bragging or anything. But I do dance and DO have to run on stage every night. And you have to stay in pretty good physical condition. It amuzed me to see my best friend blush.
She eyed the scratch closely that cut across about an inch to the right of my navel.
"Does it hurt?" She asked looking up at my eyes. I shook my head no.
"We will need to go inside and get a bandage I dont want it to get infected and you get sick."
"Yes, mom." She looked up at me and hit my shoulder playfully.
"Is that what you see me as?" She raised an eyebrow.
"No, you are my best friend. You know that. You boss me around like a mom and you give advice like a mom, but I-" I started to say something I shouldnt so I stopped.
"what?" Her voice was playful and curious.
"Dont worry about it." I got up. I couldnt say what I was about to. That type of thing had gotten us all confused before.
She grabbed my wrist. I looked down at her, knees bended and to the side. Her huge brown eyes looking up a me like a child. "Tell me. You always tell me whats on your mind."
Damn her and those eyes for making me open up. "I have feelings for you that you dont have towards your mother. You know that."
"Actually, I dont." She looked utterly confused and lost, her eyebrows were furrowed together, pure sign she was thinking.
I pulled away and began walking back to my house. "You wouldnt understand. I have to go to tour reshersals now. See ya." I didnt look back.
I stopped at the sound of her voice. Still not facing her. "Justin! I do understand. If you have forgotten, I share the same feelings as you. You are my best friend. You are more than my best friend. You know what? I understand you, I understand our relationship. But I dont and CANT understand the feelings that you and me share for one another. They just dont FIT. So, walk on. Keep walking away, like you ALWAYS do. The more we talk the more you confuse me anyway. Maybe its a good thing you are leaving in a week!!" Her tone was harsh and bitter.
I turned around and saw her picking up her blanket and picking up Amidala and stalking to her driveway to go inside the garage door. Spot followed after them.
I just stood there stunned on the curb of the street that seperated our yards.
I was so confused.
-----------------
It's a week later
I stood there, outside in the parking lot. WE were supposed to leave like an hour ago. But we NEVER leave on time. Mom and Paul and Jon were around, I had already said goodbye to them.
It's funny, I'm a 19 year old guy, but I still have the need to say goodbye to my family whenever we go on tour.
I said bye to Britney a while ago. She's in Europe on tour right now.
But where was SHE?
She was supposed to be here like 2 hours ago.
And there I waited.
We werent going to leave until she came. I wouldnt let them.
They could go on tour with out me.
Just call it *Sync.
"So are we ready to go?" David, our tour manager called out to everyone on a megaphone.
"NO!" I yelled.
JC bounced up to me. "Justin, we've got to go on tour SOMETIME."
"But Mere's not here." I whined. I knew I sounded like a 5 year old. I did NOT care.
Lance stood beside me. "Where is the girl? Is she going to visit us on tour like over the summer? That was so much fun!!"
"I dont know, she's got school and everything."
"WEll, whatever. Tell me when she gets here I want to say goodbye to her too." Lance walked away to go talk to...I dont know who.
I didnt care. I just wanted her to be there.
We hadnt talked much since that day we fought. I was so worried she wasnt going to show. And just when I was about to give up...
"OH MY GOSH! So Orlando traffic SUCKS!" I heard a voice yell from behind me.
I smiled immediately.
She has one of those voices that just make you smile. She could be talking about...paper...and you would take interest.
I turned around with a smile. My smile for her.
She was stomping up to me, obviously mad. She stood a few few away. "I'm so sorry. If maybe some people knew how to drive right..."
I smiled evilly. "You cant talk about people not being able to drive."
"Hey, shut up. You know I can talk about your-"
I grabbed her in a hug. Mostly because I didnt want to hear her degrade my driving skillz. I'm not THAT bad. But I also couldnt have her that close to me, knowing that in a few minutes she would be out of my grasp. I just had to...do something. And a hug was the frist thing that came to mind.
She wrapped her arms around my stomach and I sighed when she whimpered against me. I knew she was taking this hard even though she wasnt showing it.
We're best friends.
What do you expect?
"I'll miss you." She whispered.
"I know, I'll miss you too, yoda."
Her chuckle was muffled by my chest. "Will you EVER stop calling me that?"
"Nope!"
She turend her head to the side and I could hear her better. "Good, I like it. It makes me feel special."
I pulled her away so I could look into her eyes, "You ARE special."
Her arms were around me and I was almost afraid she wouldnt let go. Actually I didnt want her to let go. "Meredith, I dont wanna go, but I have to. I'll visit you and you can visit me and, it wont be too bad."
She looked down at the bus a few yards beside of us. "Yeah, it will. You dont have to sit at home and wait and wonder and well, WISH that your best friend was right across the street. I mean..." She pulled away looked up at me. For the first time I saw her eyes were brimming with tears. It shocked me and made ME want to cry. And I dont cry. "...You dont know how much of a comfort it is to look across the street and see your car or see a light on or catch a glimpse of you when you go out to get the mail. This is different than the summer, Justin. I wont be able to just get up and leave whenever."
I sighed. This was not what I needed. "Please dont make me feel bad now, not now."
I watched as her tears spilled over. I dont think I've ever seen her cry. "I'm sorry, Justin. I dont-"
"It's ok, shhh. It's ok." I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her body with mine. I didnt expect her to be THIS emotional. Last time I left she was ok. But then agian, we are a LOT closer now.
"Just leave, there is no point in dragging this out." She spoke pulling away.
I couldnt help but stare at her, standing there, crying, with her arms over her stomach, not looking at me. I didnt know what I was doing. But I reached out for her agian. I needed comfort as much as she did.
Why was she makign this out to be such a big deal? I mean its not like I wouldnt see her agian.
"Yoda you are my girl. You are my world. I wont forget you. I'll be back before you know it. Your dad will be hating me and Spot will be tackling me and you will be barging through my front door and stealing my Dr. Peppers." She laughed. Good, I got her to laugh. "And I'm going to call you everyday. Everynight. You know, to keep your phone lines open at 11:30 each night. You'll be the first I call when I step off the stage eachnight. You'll be the first I think about when I wake up, and the last before I sleep." I whispered the last part, not knowing why.
She looked up at me. "Justin, thats what you told me your definition of love is."
She was right.
I cupped her face. That sweet face of hers. Her eyes locked on to mine and I tried not to cry myself. Her eyes were glassy and red and she was so beautiful.
I kissed her forhead, drawing her close to me. "Your'e right. It IS my definition of love. I love you, Meredith. Always, always."
I heard her sob.
Yeah, I'll admit it, I cried.
But not much. Not TOO much.
Finally she pulled away and stepped back, almost as if she was forcing herself from me. "Just, go. Ok? Call me later."
I nodded.
That was about all I could do. I heard the voice of David yelling at everyone to get on the buses.
I guess Lance wouldnt get that chance to say goodbye to her.
I started stepping backwards, toward the bus. She forced a smile. I knew it wasnt a real smile. Her tears and trembling shoulders told me otherwise.
I couldnt take this anymore.
She was killing me, looking like that.
So I turned around and jogged towards the bus. With a final wave and goodbye to everyone, the next thing I knew I was on the bus and we were pulling out of the parking lot.
I had plopped down on the couch in the front of the bus as we pulled away. I tried not to, but I couldnt forced my eyes away from her.
She was sitting on the hood of her car, knees pulled up into her chest. Her arms were around her legs and she was just sitting there. Rocking herself back and forth, back and forth, back and...
I kept staring at her until she was out of sight.
I knew this tour was only a couple of months.
But it would feel like years with her gone.
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