I felt the warm air kiss my cheeks, as it swept across my face; the feint scent of salt lingering. Pushing the stray tresses away from my eyes, I let the breath out that I had seemed to be holding for a life time now. The sun had now began to sink over the horizon, slipping past the clouds protection. Staring out at the shoreline, the waves rose and fell crashing against the sand, leaving small shells behind, embedded into the ground.
Brushing away the few grains of sand off of my legs, I pulled them in toward my chest, hugging them tightly, resting my chin between the hallow of my knees. The sky was painted with soft pastel colors from blues, pinks, and purples, creating a relaxing haze over the area.
This was my escape from the world, away from everything, just me and the soothing sounds of the ocean. I needed this time to myself, secluded from my friends and family, the pressure they caused at times was unbearable. I needed to break away from the whirlwind of a life I led, sometimes it was better to look in than to look out.
Letting out a shaky breath I wondered if anything I did anymore was worth it. At times I felt like I was fighting an endless battle, full of empty promises and false hopes. Like every word I was fed were lies, a never ending string of lies. Everyone just wanted me to live life and not worry, but how could I not when I questioned the meanings behind their words?
Shaking my head in disbelief I tried focusing on other aspects of my world, but I knew I wasn’t going to get very far when I was doubting the people closest to me. I felt irritation setting in over my nerves, this was exactly what I hadn’t want to happen. I came to my hideaway, my one place on earth where I felt at peace with not just myself but it gave me a feeling of confidence and contentment. This was my piece of earth, it was meant for me. If I wanted to spread my arms and fly I could, everything was perfect here, just the way I wanted it.
I let my mind drift back to the previous morning, just thinking about it made me smile like a fool. Waking up tangled in the sheets with the one person you feel completes you, is more than a amazing feeling, it’s indescribable. From the tasseled curls, to the curve that tugged on his lips, he was my everything, the reason I woke up every day, because I knew he would always be in my corner, my number one supporter.
I had never been so swept away before in my life, the day I met Justin turned my world upside down, brought new emotions I never knew you could experience as a human. He made feel good about myself, that I didn’t have to change for anyone but me and only me. I learned a lot of different things from Justin, he was a great teacher even if it wasn’t intentional. He had always proved my suspicions about him wrong, he blew my mind at times and melted my heart with a simple smile.
And here I was trying convince myself that everything was perfect and that things would turn out with a fairy tale ending. I prayed to God they did, there were things I hadn’t been completely honest about. It wasn’t fair to Justin that I hid the truth from him, I didn’t lie entirely, I just didn’t give him the whole truth. That’s why I was here, I needed comfort in my surroundings, the temporary bliss I received was more than enough to smooth my worries away.
I remember my mother telling me as a child that she could fix anything with a simple kiss and a little love; I wish that were true now. I needed far more than those two things, a hell of a lot more. What I needed was prayer and my faith in God.
I didn’t like to feel weak and helpless, yet here I was terrified of the possibilities. I always had a tendency to let my mind run wild with over fabricated assumptions. The thoughts racking my brain made my own skin crawl. This paradise I once thought that could protect me from the world, from everything that could harm me, was now fading away, slipping into that harsh reality I sheltered myself from. The familiar burn of tears stung the corners of my dry eyes.
Pushing my tired body up and off of the sand, I rose to my feet, I felt my weight settling in. I cast my gaze out over the rippling water one last time, I tried to emblazon this picture in the back of my mind, this my serenity, I wanted to carry with me for all times. Meeting my approval, I slowly turned my back to the sunset.
Hearing my name being called out in the distance, my attention flew to the now empty pier. Pushing away some stray curls, I felt the smile overcome my lips. Sometimes being in his arms was better than any reality, even my perfect fantasy.
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