I don’t know when we fell apart
The love that we had was like a work of art
I used to see heaven in your eyes
Now angels are falling from your skies
The things we said were so wrong
And I haven’t held you for so long
My foolish pride turns me inside
Why did we tell all those lies
If you can reach for the phone
You don’t have to be alone
He stared down at the phone, waiting for it to ring. Outside his hotel room window the snow was falling relentlessly, matching the icy coldness he felt inside his own heart. It had been two days since they had last spoken, and the words that flew from their mouths were cruel. How could two people who loved each other so much say such things to each other? It was unlike any of the fights they had had before. This one just might have had the power to destroy their relationship for good. He sighed heavily, burying his face in his hands as he relived their last fight in his mind once more….
~*~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*~
"God rest ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay…." Lance heard his girlfriend of the last two years sing as she placed presents underneath their tree. He watched her work and saw how her face lit up at just the mere sight of the Christmas tree. She loved everything about Christmas. It wasn’t just the decorating; it was just the holiday as a whole. Nothing made her happier than to get to spend time with all of her family and friends together. "Lance? Do you think your Mom will like the necklace I bought her?" she called out, not realizing he was standing right in the doorway. When she looked up, she jumped startled, "Oh…" she laughed. "I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t realize you were there."
Lance laughed too, "Obviously. To answer your question, I’m sure she’ll love it. My mom is very easy to please."
Jaimie looked up at him exasperated, "I don’t want to just satisfy her Lance. I want her to love her present."
"Baby, I know she will love it. Stop worrying so much."
"Well I can’t help it. This is going to be the first Christmas that all of us are going to be able to be together. I just want everything to be perfect," she stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist. She looked up at the ceiling and saw mistletoe hanging there, "Hmmm, it seems like there’s some kind of rule that whoever is standing underneath the mistletoe gets a kiss. Have you heard of that?"
"It seems to ring a bell to me…." he grinned just before he bent down to kiss her sweet lips. When they finally parted, Jaimie walked away to finish putting the presents underneath the tree. She was in such great spirits; he hated knowing he was about to bring her down.
"I am so happy you’re going to be home this Christmas. Do you realize this is the first Christmas that we will wake up together on Christmas morning?" she smiled over at him, but her smile faded when she looked into his eyes. "Lance….what is it?"
"Jaim, why don’t you sit down for a minute."
"No I don’t want to sit down Lance. Just tell me what’s wrong."
Lance ran his fingers through his blonde locks in aggravation, "I…I got a call from Johnny. I have to leave for New York tonight to go do some kind of promotional thing for ‘On The Line.’ I swear I just found out about this. I really thought I was going to be home this year." He looked over at her, and saw no emotions on her face. She was really beginning to scare him, "Jaim….say something."
"Just what do you want me to say Lance?" she asked, still no emotion in her demeanor.
"I don’t know." he sighed as he sat down on their couch. When he looked back up at her he saw tears streaming down her cheeks and her chin began to tremble, "Baby don’t cry please…."
"No!" she yelled as she looked over at him. "Don’t even come near me. How could you do this Lance? Christmas is only three days away and you’re going to leave? You’re parents are flying in tomorrow. All the guys are coming over for Christmas dinner. This was going to be our first Christmas together. Do you know how long I have been looking forward to this?"
"I know you’re disappointed…." he began but she cut him off again.
"Disappointed? Disappointed? I’m passed being disappointed Lance. Right now I am plain pissed. How many times have I stepped back when it came to your career and let you go off and leave me time and time again? I can’t take it anymore. If you leave tonight Lance I may not be here when you get home."
"Jaimie don’t act this way. You’re really being unfair." He began to get angry.
"Don’t what? Don’t say how I feel for once? Well this is it Lance. I can’t take it anymore. For once I’d like you to chose me over your career." Jaimie angrily wiped her eyes as she looked up at him. "Now tell me, what’s your choice?"
He looked into her blue eyes. They were filled with so much pain, but he had no choice. He had to go. "Jaim….I…I have to go. Please just promise me you’ll be here when I get home."
Jaimie buried her face in her hands as sobs began to wrack her body. Lance wanted to go to her and to hold her, but she would have none of it. Once she regained some of her composure she looked down at him, her eyes red and swollen from her tears. "I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you Bass," she said as she walked out of the living room, grabbed her coat, and headed out the door.
~*~*~*~*~End Flashback~*~*~*~*~
Outside the wind it seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there’s no one home to keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you’ve cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there’s one thing you should know
On this Christmas baby, you don’t have to be alone
That was the last time he spoke to her. She didn’t return home before he left for the airport and she hadn’t returned any of his phone calls. He decided to go downstairs to the bar and have a drink. He ordered a beer and stared down at the smooth surface of the bar as he waited for his drink. A man in a nice suit sat a few stools over staring into his glass of scotch. He looked over at Lance and immediately sensed his sadness.
"Alone on Christmas Eve?" he asked.
"Yeah it looks that way," he mumbled, really not interested in having a conversation with a stranger in a bar. All he wanted to do was be alone with his beer to wallow in his sorrow.
"Yeah me too." he frowned. He looked back over at Lance and smiled politely offering his hand for Lance to shake it, "Hi I’m Bob Murray."
"Lance Bass." Lance smiled politely, returning his attention to his beer. Bob still hadn’t taken the hint that Lance was trying to send him. He continued to talk to him.
"You know, I’m in town on business all I can think about is my family that’s back home. Right now they are probably all sitting around the tree drinking eggnog and singing Christmas carols. All I really want is to be there with them right now." Bob laughed bitterly as he downed the rest of his scotch.
Lance decided to give up trying to keep to himself, "So why aren’t you?"
"Because the job called, so away I flew. You know this damn job has made me miss the birth of all my children and a lot of birthdays and holidays. I keep asking myself why. Why do I keep this job?" He sighed, "I still haven’t found an answer to that question. What’s your story? Why are you alone on Christmas Eve?"
"Same as you I guess. The job called and I left."
"Do you have a family?"
"Well, I have a girlfriend. At least I had one. I don’t know if she still considers me her boyfriend." he frowned, taking a sip of his beer.
"I’m sorry to hear that. I know how that is though. This job has put a strain on my marriage too. I don’t know how much longer my wife can take it. She says she might as well divorce me since she’s raising the kids on her own anyway. It’s like she doesn’t have a husband." He paused as he looked over at Lance, "Do you love your girlfriend?"
"Yes I do. As a matter of fact I was going to propose to her tomorrow morning when we woke up."
"Take my advice Lance. Don’t let your job take over your life. Even if you love what you do, you have to draw the line somewhere. If you truly love her and you want to spend your life with her you have to learn to make sacrifices. She can’t be the only one making them. Marriage is a fifty fifty partnership. You have to learn to compromise."
Lance stared at his beer for a moment letting what Bob told him sink in. He knew he was right. He let his career almost destroy his relationship with the woman he loved. He refused to let that happen. "You’re right Bob. I’m going to fly home tonight and be there when she wakes up in the morning. I just hope she’s still there."
"I think she will be. She loves you Lance."
"Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help." Lance smiled as he shook his hand. "I hope everything works out for you too."
"I hope so too," he said as Lance began to walk out of the lounge. "I know you and Jaimie will be happy together."
Lance stopped in his tracks. He never told him Jaimie’s name. He slowly turned back towards the bar, "I don’t think I ever told….." When he turned around there was no one there and the bar was completely dark. Lance stood there confused. He had absolutely no clue what had just happened. Had it all been a dream or a hallucination? He shook his head and continued up the elevator back to his room to get his things. He was on a mission. Lance was going to go home and try to fix things with Jaimie. For once he wanted to keep a promise to her and put her before his career, the way it always should have been.
And I had only one wish on my list
For me you would be the perfect gift
There’s nothing colder than an empty home
And holidays were never meant to be alone
The smiles we gave when our hearts were saved
By each others’ love and warmth
That's subsided now no happiness around
If I can only find a way to your heart
Outside the wind it seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there’s no one home to keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you’ve cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there’s one thing you should know
On this Christmas baby, you don’t have to be alone
Jaimie stared out of the window watching the snow fall. She couldn’t help but wonder where he was and if he was missing her the way she missed him. Lance’s mother Diane watched her from across the room. She slowly walked over to her and put a comforting arm around her shoulder.
"I know he’s thinking of you too."
Jaimie looked up at her with a sad smile, "Maybe. I don’t know Diane. I just….I just love him so much. I told him if he left this time I wouldn’t be here when he got back."
"Are you going to leave him?"
"Part of me says I should, but my heart….my heart wants to stay."
"Which part are you going to listen to?"
"Oh Diane I wish I knew. He’s just so….UGH! He knew how happy and excited I was that we were all going to be together this Christmas. He keeps letting me down. How can I keep letting this happen? When am I going to be enough for him?"
"Sweetie, I know Lance loves you very much. You make him so happy. I’ve never seen him happier. I can also understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I think my son let’s his career take over his life, and I can understand his need to follow his dreams. I just don’t think he should let his professional life complete destroy his private life. Careers can come and go in a blink of an eye, and unfortunately no one knows how long they will be on this earth. I just wish he would realize that you and his family are more important than this career. If he doesn’t I’m afraid he’s going to wake up one day and he won’t have anyone here anymore."
"Diane, if only he’s listen to you. He obviously doesn’t listen to me." Jaimie laughed as she walked back towards the living room to try to enjoy yet another Christmas Eve with out Lance.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By the time Lance arrived back home it was nearly 3am. He entered the house as quiet as possible, tip toeing through the house towards his bedroom. Once he was inside, he saw Jaimie sleeping peacefully curled up on her side of the bed. She looked like an angel to him. Her long, curly brown hair fanned out across her pillow, her long lashes hiding her beautiful blue eyes from his view. He smiled down at her, bent down and placed a soft kiss on her head, then quickly undressed himself before climbing in behind her. He spooned her from behind, pulling her as close to him as possible without waking her. "I love you Jaimie," he whispered before falling asleep beside her.
When Jaimie woke the next morning, the alarm clock read 7am. She had had the most wonderful dream. She dreamt that Lance had come home, told her he loved her, and everything was okay. Her heart ached in her chest as she realized it really was just a dream. Lance wasn’t there. When she rolled over in the bed, she found herself staring into a pair of beautiful green eyes. Eyes that knew her so well. "Lance…" she whispered, reaching out to softly touch his face afraid it was another dream. "Are you really here?"
Lance smiled softly, "I’m here I promise. I’m so sorry Jaimie. I should have never left you. I realized last night that you are the most important person to me and I need to start thinking of your happiness."
Tears blurred her vision, "You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that."
"I mean it Jaim. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you’re happy. I never want you to cry over me again unless they are tears of happiness."
"I love you Lance. I always will."
"There’s one more thing." Lance quickly got out of bed and went to his desk that sat in the corner of the room. He pulled something out the top drawer then climbed back into the bed beside her. "Jaimie, you’ve managed to put up with me for the last two years. Somehow you’ve done it with a smile on your face and your love for me hasn’t faded despite all of my foolish behavior. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you in my life to love me the way you do. Your love gives me strength, and without it I don’t know if I could go on. Jaimie, I love you more than anything. Please say you’ll marry me and make me the happiest man in the world."
Tears streamed down her face as she watched Lance open the small black box he held in his hand to reveal a beautiful white gold, tear shaped diamond ring. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at it. It was truly beautiful. She looked back up at him with a tearful smile, "Of course I will marry you. I love you Lance." Jaimie threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. After a few moments they pulled away and Lance gently slid the ring into place. She looked at it for a moment before pulling him back to her for a sweet kiss. "I love you Jimmy."
"I love you too. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." she smiled as they settled into each other’s arms, knowing they would never be alone again.
You don’t have to be alone
You don’t have to be all alone
You don’t have to be alone
You don’t have to be all alone
Outside the wind it seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there’s no one home to keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you’ve cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there’s one thing you should know
On this Christmas baby, you don’t have to be alone
Number of reviews: 1
Print:
