It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air
You asked me how I’d been
I guess that’s when I smiled and said ‘just fine’
Oh, but baby I was lying
She saw him from across the room. A year had passed since they had said good-bye, yet the pain of seeing him again made it seem as though it had just happened all over again. Unconsciously her hand went to her heart as if she were trying to soothe the pain away again. She tried hard to remember who had broken up with whom and what reasons were given for the break up, but she honestly could not recall. The only thing she knew for sure was that she still loved him. All this time they had been apart had done nothing to change that. His green eyes met her blue ones from across the room. A small smile played across his lips when he looked at her. She forced a smile on her face and felt her heart ache when he started towards her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. What would she say? What would she do? Did he feel the same way about her? Did he love someone else now? All of these questions ran through her mind, yet she was so uncertain if she wanted the answers. She kept a brave smile on her face as he reached her.
“Hi Jaimie. It’s so good to see you.” he continued to smile as he pulled her in for a warm hug. She fought the tears that burned in her eyes. “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
“Neither did I to tell you the truth. I guess we should have known there would always be a chance of seeing each other. I mean we do have mutual friends, two of which just got married less than half an hour ago.” she nodded towards their friends Joey and Shannon. Their wedding was what brought them back together again.
“That’s true. So…how have you been?”
Jaimie paused for a moment, but she plastered a fake smile on her face again. “I’m doing fine. You?” She hated to lie to him, but she just couldn’t find it in her to tell him the truth that she was completely miserable without him and she still loved him desperately.
“I’m hanging in there. The business is really picking up. We’re signing a bunch of big accounts, so we’re really excited.” he finished with a smile.
Suddenly Jaimie remembered what had happened. He had gone into business with an old high school girlfriend, Laurie. He swore nothing was going on between them, but she couldn’t help but think Laurie had other plans. She wanted Lance for her partner in and out of business. Lance would get angry with her any time she brought it up, but Jaimie couldn’t get him to understand her fears. She trusted Lance and believed he really loved her, but she didn’t trust Laurie any further than she could throw her. It all came to a head one day when her fears were confirmed.
~*~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*~*~
“Laurie, do you have the proposal for the McDougal accounts?” Lance called from his office. His partner Laurie had an office right across the hall from his. He went to high school with her and they had dated briefly, but after a few short months together they decided they were better off as friends. At least Lance had decided. Laurie didn’t want the break up, but she was sure he would come to his senses and realize how much he loved her. She never worried about it until they got to college. So many girls threw themselves at him, and he had dated some of them, but none of them lasted. Laurie thought she was in the clear. They were in their final year of college. That’s when he met Jaimie. Laurie had the feeling that this one was going to be trouble from the start. It turned out she was right. Anytime she was alone with Lance all he would talk about was Jaimie and how much he loved her. It was so sickening. Less than a month after they started dating, they had moved in together. Laurie was so jealous she could hardly breathe. Of course she kept her cool and always acted like the great friend to Lance’s face, but whenever she was alone with Jaimie she would show her true colors. Slowly but surely she was driving a rift between them. Jaimie was becoming more and more insecure of herself and Laurie loved it. She knew for a fact that just the night before they had gotten into their worst argument yet. Laurie was going to use that to her advantage. She waltzed into Lance’s office carrying the proposal he had asked for. She had let her long blonde hair fall across her shoulders and had reapplied her lipstick. She wanted to make sure she looked her best in order for her plan to work. When she walked into his office, Lance barely glanced up from the papers on his desk, but she didn’t let that discourage her.
“What’s wrong Lance?” she asked innocently as if she didn’t already know.
“Nothing.” he said distractedly.
“Oh, come on Lance. I’ve known you for a long time. You can tell me.”
Lance looked up at her for a moment and sighed, “Jaimie and I got into another fight last night. It was worse than usual. I just don’t know what to do.” He buried his face in his hands with a heavy sigh. Laurie walked around his desk and stood behind him. She began to gently massage his shoulders.
“You’re so tense Lance. You need to relax. You’re always so stressed out. I hate seeing you so unhappy. If things are so bad, why don’t you just break things off before they get even worse…..” her voice trailed off as she felt Lance tense even more under her hands. He quickly removed them from his shoulders.
“Because I love her. You can’t just give up on a love like ours. It’s worth fighting for.” he fumed as he began to return his attention to his papers. Laurie cursed under her breath. This was not going like she had planned at all. She sat down on his desk in front of him, trying to be seductive.
“Lance, I know you. I know what you want, I know what you need. Why don’t you let me be the one to give it to you? I’ve been the one to stand by you through everything. I’m the one you’re meant to be with, not Jaimie. I know I can make you happy.”
Lance stared at her in disbelief. All this time Jaimie had been right all along. Laurie had played him for a fool. She pretended to be his trusted friend while behind his back she was slowly destroying his relationship with the woman he loved more than anyone. His body shook with rage. “I cannot believe this. Jaimie was right. You are nothing but a conniving bitch. I want you out of my office and out of my life forever. Don’t ever show your face around here again.”
Suddenly he heard Jaimie’s voice call for him down the hall, “Lance….are you still here?”
Laurie began to panic and she didn’t know what to do. She vowed to herself that if she couldn’t have Lance then he couldn’t have Jaimie either. She would see to that. Laurie stood up just as she heard Jaimie’s footsteps outside their office. Lance was standing now as well, much to her advantage. “I thought you should know I’m pregnant with your child Lance. I think it’s only fair that you break it off with Jaimie now, like you promised me you would months ago.” She finished quickly. Before Lance could respond, Laurie crushed her lips to his just as Jaimie walked into the office. Lance quickly pushed her away and stared over at Jaimie with a look of complete shock on his face.
“Jaimie, please…..” he began, but Jaimie’s face collapsed into tears as she turned and ran out of his office.
~*~*~*~*End Flashback~*~*~*~*~
Lance could immediately see the pain in her eyes. He hated to see her hurting and knowing he was partly to blame for it. He tried so many times to try to reach her to explain what had really happened in that office that day, but she refused to see him or speak to him. This was his first attempt at a conversation with her since they broke up. All he wanted to do was to pull her into his arms and hold onto her forever. He still loved her and he knew he always would. “I’m sorry Jaimie,” he said quietly.
Jaimie tried to brush his comment off nonchalantly, but it didn’t work very well, “Please don’t….”
“Please let me explain. I have to explain what should have been explained a year ago. I know you heard Laurie tell me she was pregnant with my child and you saw her kissing me. What you didn’t know was that moments before that I realized you were right about Laurie all along. I had just finished telling her to get out of my life when she blurted out she was pregnant and kissed me. She knew you were just outside the door. She just wanted to destroy us. I guess she succeeded, but I just had to tell you the truth. Nothing EVER happened between Laurie and me. I never touched her and I swear I never will. I haven’t seen her since that day in my office. The same day you left me.”
Tears began to stream down her cheeks as she listened to his words. After all this time, she realized everything had been a lie. He had never cheated on her. This lonely year without him had all been for nothing. But things were different now. They couldn’t just pick up where they had left off, and she wasn’t even sure Lance would want to start over again with her. He slowly pulled her into his embrace as they began to gently sway to the soft orchestra music playing in the background.
What I really meant to say
Is I’m dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There’s not a night I haven’t cried
And baby here’s the truth
I’m still in love with you
That’s what I really meant to say
They held onto each other for what seemed like forever. Neither said a word as they danced and held each other close. They melted into each other’s embrace as if they had never left. It was almost like they stepped back in time to when they were happy and had no cares in the world. Everything was perfect at that moment. Before they knew it, it was already midnight. Lance knew he had a flight to catch at 6am and he had to leave. He wanted to stay there in her arms forever, but there was no going back. He couldn’t change the past, or the hurt he had caused her.
“I have to go. My flight leaves at 6am. I still have to go back to the hotel and pack.” he slowly pulled away from her, softly stroking her cheek.
She put on a brave smile even though she was dying inside, “I’m glad you came. It was good to see you again.”
“I know. It was great to see you too. If you’re ever in Manhattan give me a call. I’d love to see you.”
“I will I promise. Take care of yourself Lance.”
“You too. Good-bye Jaimie.” he whispered as he softly kissed her cheek. He quickly turned and headed out the door without looking back. He was afraid if he did he would never be able to find the strength to leave her. She held onto her tears until she knew he was out of sight, and then she finally let them fall. Her pride had kept her from telling him how she really felt. Her heart wanted to scream that she still loved him, but her stubbornness wouldn’t let her.
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you’ll ever know
As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she heard someone chuckle behind her. She slowly turned and was face to face with the woman who destroyed her world. Laurie continued to grin down at her.
“Hello Jaimie. It’s been a long time.”
Jaimie glared at her with hate in her eyes, “Not long enough. How the hell did you get in here Laurie?”
“Oh, I’m here with one of Joey’s cousins or something. I don’t know. I just knew Lance would be here and you probably would too. I just had to see if I succeeded in keeping you two apart. It looks like I did a beautiful job.”
Anger like Jaimie had never felt before coursed through her veins. She tried desperately to hold onto her composure. She didn’t want to make a scene and ruin Joey and Shannon’s reception. Shannon glanced across the room and saw Laurie grinning at Jaimie, who looked like she was ready to kill. She excused herself and walked towards them.
“Laurie, what a surprise.” she said as she approached.
“Hello Shannon. It’s good to see you.” Laurie smiled sweetly as if she were still trying to make everyone think she was a sweet person.
“I never said it was a good surprise. Get out of here now before I have you thrown out.” she glared down at her.
“Now really Shannon. Would you want to cause all that commotion at your own wedding? I don’t think so. Besides I was having a nice conversation with Jaimie here.”
Shannon took one look at Jaimie and smiled, “You have my permission….” That was all she had to say before Jaimie balled up her fist, reared back, and punched Laurie right in the nose. She immediately cried out in pain as her nose began to bleed profusely. “Now leave Laurie. Besides she may have broken it. You should go have it X-rayed.” They laughed together as Laurie ran out of the reception hall. Shannon wrapped her arm around her shoulder, “Are you okay Jaims?”
She sighed heavily, “It was just so hard to see him after all this time. You know for the first time in over a year I actually know the truth about what had happened that day in his office. Shan…..he never cheated on me. They never slept together. Lance said just before I heard her proclaim that Lance was the father of her child, he had told her to get out of his life forever. He had realized I was right all along. She knew I was coming. That’s why she said those horrible things and kissed Lance right before I walked in.”
“Oh Jaim, if that’s true then what are you doing here? Why aren’t you going after him?”
“What if he isn’t interested anymore Shan? Could I handle that?”
“I don’t think that’s true, but can you handle a lifetime without him?” she asked quietly.
Jaimie suddenly knew what she had to do. She just hoped and prayed that she wasn’t too late to tell him what she should have told him before.
What I really meant to say
Is I’m dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There’s not a night I haven’t cried
And baby here’s the truth
I’m still in love with you
What I really meant to say
Is that I’m really not that strong
No matter how I try
I’m still holding on
And here’s the honest truth
I’m still in love with you
That’s what I really meant to say
By the time she got to his hotel, he had already checked out and had headed to the airport. She caught the first cab she could, but by the time she got there with the morning rush hour traffic, it was almost 6am. She quickly scanned the monitors to find what gate his flight was leaving from. Jaimie ran as fast as her legs could carry her. They were boarding just as she reached his gate. She saw him start to hand the flight attendant his ticket when she called out to him, “Lance wait!” He looked towards her with a look of pure confusion on his face. She saw him say something to the flight attendant, then he walked towards her.
“Jaimie…is something wrong?”
“No of course not….I mean….I just….” she stammered, unable to get what she needed to say out.
“Okay, calm down and breathe. What is it you needed to tell me?”
Jaimie looked up into his green eyes, searching for the answers she needed, “It’s too late isn’t it?”
“Too late for what?”
“For us….”
“I didn’t know there was an us anymore.”
“There isn’t, but I was hoping we could start over. We can’t undo what has happened in the past, but maybe this time we could do things differently. Maybe this time we can make it work,” her eyes pleaded with him.
His heart soared as he listened to her ask him for another chance. He had so wanted to hear those words, and now that she had said them, he knew he could finally be happy again. “Oh Jaimie. If you only knew how long I have wanted to hear you say those words. I love you so much. I always have and I always will.” He pulled her to him and brought his lips down to hers in a sweet kiss. It took her breath away. Jaimie didn’t try to hold back her tears as she held onto him tightly. She was so afraid if she let him go, she would lose him again. “Promise me you’ll never leave me again. I don’t know if I could handle it.” He begged her.
Jaimie looked deep into his eyes and she knew she was home, “I promise I’ll love you for the rest of my life and I’ll never leave your side until the day I die. Always Lance. That’s my promise to you….Always.”
That’s what I really meant to say
That’s what I really meant to say……
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