Chapter 9: Redeye to You
Oh man, I hate waking up after they suck me with their needles. I always feel so…blah. The room is spinning. This always happens. I look to my right. Wonderful; I have a visitor. It’s my mother. I don’t know why she bothers coming here. It’s not like she really cares or like I actually talk to her or even acknowledge her presence. I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m some sort of psycho bitch right? I’m not, really. You weren’t here the other day.
“How are you sweet pea?” She asks fingering the bandage wrapped around my wrist. “I wish you would talk to me. Just look at me.”
The tone in her voice almost makes me want to give in, but I don’t. She’s just pretending to care. No one really cares. That’s why both of my wrists are wrapped with bandages, because no one really cares.
I haven’t eaten in days or even gotten out of bed. I’m so pathetic. I just don’t understand why everyone hates me. Why am I such a burden? I just want to close my eyes and drift off to a happy place where he’s always with me. A place where I’m happy.
I slowly drag myself to the bathroom and hoist myself into the tub. I feel numb to the cold tiles as they press against my back. I just don’t really care anymore. I pick up one of the razors. I take a single blade out of the razor and stare at it for a moment. Trying not to think anymore I put the razor to my wrist and dig it into my skin. I watch numbly as blood begins to flow from my self-inflicted wound. I don’t feel a thing so I switch the blade to my left hand and follow suit on my other wrist. I can feel myself drifting away. I close my eyes and lean back into the tub and think about my happy place.
So I slit my wrists, big whoop. My stupid mother showed up and found me shortly after I did it. She was hysterical, bawling her f**king eyes out and screaming my name.
Supposedly the nurses came rushing in to bandage me up; at least that’s what they tell me. Dr. Jones said ‘you’re lucky to be alive after a stunt like that.’
Yeah real lucky.
“Sweetheart, I brought you some pictures to look at.” She pushes a photo book towards me. I want to rip that book out of her hands and throw it across the room. God I hate the way she talks to me! Does she think it helps me the why she coos at me like I’m an f**king baby? Well it doesn’t! It makes me feel like I’m not human. I just want her to leave. “Do you want to look at the pictures dear?” No. Get the f**k away from me!
I hear her sigh and feel her move the book back to her lap. I turn farther away from her and try to block her out. I don’t want to look at her or talk to her or listen to her.
You’re probably really confused right now, saying to yourself ‘what happened to make her want to commit suicide?’ Let me explain…
“Thanks for coming on such sort notice Mrs. Conner.” Dr. Jones says politely to my mother as they stand over my bed.
She looks like she’s in a good mood. I mirror her smile and wait for her to tell me what’s going on. “Well, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer.” She chuckles. “Mackenzie, you have been doing wonderfully lately with your therapy and I am honored to be the one to tell you that you can home.”'
What? Home? She better not be messing with me.
“You will have to come back frequently for your therapy and of course live with your parents.” She turns to my mom who looks shocked. “She’ll need a lot of care but I think you’ll be able to handle it.”
“I don’t think so.” I look up at my mother with a furrowed eyebrow. What does that mean?
“Excuse me?” Dr. Jones says looking just as confused as me.
“I don’t want to take her home.” I remain silent. “I can’t take care of her. It’s too difficult.”
My mouth drops open and tears begin to could my vision. I’m a burden to her; is that what I am? Why does she hate me so much? Next thing I know I’m screaming at her. I have never been so angry in my entire life. How could my own mother do this to me?
Nurse Kate runs in carrying a needle in her hand. I must need to be controlled.
“Will you please just look at me? Tell me you don’t hate me. Give some kind of sign you’re still here with us.”
Where does she think I’ve gone? The f**king North Pole? I’m sitting right here! I can feel her reaching her hand out to me. She better not touch me. If she does they’ll have to call the nurses in to drug me with their needles. This is what happened last time she was here. But she never learns. This woman, who has abandoned me in every sense of the word, is trying to hug me. I push her away with all my strength falling off the bed in the process. I drag myself to the nearest corner. I can hear them coming. They must have heard me knock over the table.
Why doesn’t anybody care?
~*~*~*~
I walk with purposeful steps towards her room, my mom trailing behind me. Sandra’s call scared the shit out of me. I don’t know what to expect when I get in there. I’m terrified that she’s going to push me away like before.
I find myself staring at her door; Room 207. I don’t know if I can go in there. My body feels frozen in its place.
“Sweetheart?” My mother’s voice breaks me of my thoughts. “Do you want me to go in with you or wait out here?”
I can’t tell you how glad I am that my mom came with me. I was afraid she would be like my management team and tell that my ‘obligations were to the tour and my fans’ and that I shouldn’t bother going. She supported my decision and even came with me. This is why I love this woman so damn much.
“I’ll go by myself.” I say to her before finally opening the door and sliding in. Everything looks the same. Mackenzie is lying in her bed and appears to be asleep. I walk closer to her bed to get a better look at her and I can tell she’s been crying. She doesn’t look peaceful like she normally does when she’s sleeping. I wonder if I should wake her or just wait.
“Mr. Timberlake.” Nurse Kate smile at me making her way over to the opposite side of Mackenzie’s bed. “This is a pleasant surprise.” I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I don’t even know where to begin with all the questions I have swirling around in my head. “You were worried about her after her outburst?”
I nod. “Sandra called me. Do you know what set her off?”
“No sweetie I don’t.” She says wiping her cool hand over Mackenzie’s forehead. “I wasn’t even here when it happened. They just paged me to come calm her down. She was so hysterical I had to sedate her.”
“Jesus…” I whisper.
“She won’t be up until the morning if you want to get some sleep in at a hotel or something. I’ve been having to give her medication to help her sleep every night since; she’s having those nightmares again. And earlier this afternoon she…her mother was here and she….I had to sedate her again.”
When I first met Mackenzie, before we became close, she used to have these horrible nightmares about her accident. She would wake up screaming and crying. I thought she was over them.
“She won’t go to her therapy anymore either.” She admits to me. “Enrique has tried to talk to her and so have I and Dr. Jones and her mother, but she just won’t listen.” I hear her sniffle. “And then the attempted suicide…”
I didn’t know anything about…oh God…I can’t even say the word. What the hell did they do to her?
I gaze down at the fragile girl before me and I can literally feel my heart break. I never should have left for tour. I should have postponed it and stayed with her longer. This is all my fault.
“Do you want me to get you a cot to sleep on or….” Kate trails off. I tell her no and that I’ll be fine. After watching her leave I get up and go into the hall were my mother greets me with a hug.
“How is she?” I just shake my head against her shoulder, not saying anything for fear that if I try to speak I’ll break down.
TBC.....(PLEASE REVIEW!)
Number of reviews: 140
Print:
Chapter or Story