Chapter 15: Saying Goodbye
Goodbye has to be my least favorite word. It’s a permanent fixture in my vocabulary due to all of the traveling I do. I say goodbye to my mom and my dad and step mom and brothers and friends and now Mackenzie. The list is never ending. Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is leave.
Leaving is a lot more difficult now with Mackenzie in the picture. One, I’m worried about how she will adjust living with my mom, two, I also worry about her reenacting her suicide attempt, and three I’ve just gotten rather close and attached to her. I remember how difficult it was to say goodbye to her the first time and we didn’t even know each other that long then.
What if I cry? I would never live it down. Mackenzie would forever bring that up. Not to mention what my mother would do. She already thinks I have a “thing” for her. I don’t by the way. I may have dreamt about her a time or two in a not so platonic way but dreams don’t really mean anything. Right?
I know, I know, I do flirt with her sometimes. I can’t help it; I flirt with everybody. I tried to explain this to my mom but she just didn’t get it. She said she didn’t like the way I looked at her. What the hell does that mean? I look at her just like I look at….at my grandma. Well maybe not exactly the same way. I do find Mackenzie attractive. Who could blame me? She’s a beautiful girl. That doesn’t mean I’m in love with her or anything.
So my mom goes on to lecture me about how Mackenzie needs to focus on getting better….blah, blah, blah….I shouldn’t try to pursue anything with her….blah, blah, blah. In case you didn’t notice, I wasn’t really listening. My mom was just being, well, a mom.
I now how difficult a relationship would be for the both of us. I mean sure if Mackenzie wasn't in the predicament she is things might be different. I don’t know. I’m giving myself a headache.
I better go check on Mackenzie; we have to leave for the airport soon.
My mom had to give her a bath today and from the look on my mom’s face after she left the bathroom I don’t think it went too well. I’m sure Mackenzie was embarrassed.
Hell, I would be. She’s a twenty-three year old woman and she has to have someone bathe her. She just needs to try to stay positive and remember that we won’t look down on her for her short comings.
I really admire her for all that she’s been through and how well she’s handled it. I wouldn’t have been such a good sport.
I know she had some trouble in the beginning but she was still able to accept me into her life and look at how much she’s improved. I don’t think I would have ever been able to get over it. I would have killed myself as soon as the doctor gave me the news.
I approach the bathroom door and knock lightly pushing the door open in the process. She looks at me through the mirror and I offer a smile she doesn’t return. Her hair is still wet and she looks cute dressed in jean overalls and a pale yellow t-shirt.
“Hey,” I greet her not really know what else to say. I don’t know if I should ask her about the bath or just let it go. “We’ve gotta leave soon.”
“I’m almost ready.” She mumbles pathetically running a comb through her hair. She lets out a frustrated groan as she watches her curls spring back every time she takes the weight off the comb. I know how she feels. As much as my fans seem to love my curls they are a huge pain in the ass to deal with.
“Let me,” I say taking the comb from her and parting her hair into three equal sections. One of my ex-girlfriends taught me how to french braid once. Don’t tell anyone I know how to do this.
“Thank you.” She whispers as I finish by tying a matching yellow bow, she had lying out, on the end of her braid. “Sorry I’m so mopey.”
I look up at her though the mirror catching her eye. “You’re not mopey.”
“Yes I am.” Mackenzie sighs struggling to turn her wheelchair around only to get stuck on the rug. “Ugh! I hate this!”
“Calm down Zee,” I try to sooth untangling her from the rug but not letting her leave the bathroom. I close the door before taking a seat on the toilet and pulling her to sit in front of me. “What’s going on with you sweetie?”
She rolls her eyes; she hates it when I call her sweetie or honey or anything like that. That’s why I do it. Hee, hee….
“I’m just not used to this yet.” Way to be vague. “I was embarrassed okay?”
“About my mom helping you get ready?”
She nods and lowers her head in shame. I told you she would be upset about this. How well do I know this girl?
“Yes!” She snaps. “Wouldn’t you feel the same way if your mom had to help you take a bath?”
I don’t answer. What do I say to that? I wouldn’t be able to handle my mom bathing me at my age. I can’t tell her this though. I’m supposed to be making her fell better not worse.
“It’ll get easier, Zee. Today is just the first days and first days are always the worst.” I hope that helps at least a little bit.
She doesn’t answer me. You see this is why I’m worried about leaving her. This is only the first day and she’s already staring to feel depressed. “Sweetie””
“Will you stop calling me that!?”
“You know Mackenzie, I’m really sorry that this was hard for you but you don’t need to take out on me. I am just trying to help.” I reply angrily. I understand that she’s hurting but there is no excuse for her attitude. “My mom’s waiting in the car. We better get going.”
~*~*~*~*~
(Lynn’s POV)
I can tell something is wrong. They won’t even look at each other. I hope Justin isn’t pushing her away because of the talk I had with him early this morning. That is not what I wanted him to do. Mackenzie still needs him; as a friend and only a friend.
He thinks I don’t see the way they look at one another or the way Mackenzie’s face lights up at just the mention of my son’s name. I caught them flirting in the car yesterday. Mackenzie was looking at Justin’s body like he was one big chocolate bar. And then last night I heard them giggling into all hours of the morning and Justin didn’t sleep in his room either. I know nothing happened but I still don’t think it was appropriate.
Justin assured me that he had nothing but friendly feelings for Mackenzie but I see right through him. It’s only a matter of time before they realize this themselves and act on their desires.
“Ya’ll don’t have to bother coming in,” Justin announces as I pull up to the drop off area at the airport. “It’ll just cause a commotion.”
“Alright,” I reply although I would prefer to go in. “You make sure to call us as soon as you land.”
“I will Mamma.” He smiles leaning into the front seat to give me a hug. It’s always so hard to say goodbye. This is the part of his career I hate. I whisper that I love him and to be careful and not to worry about me or Mackenzie. “Love you too.”
He pulls back and opens the door, hoping out and grabbing his carryon as his other luggage is unloaded by his bodyguard, Mike.
I wonder if he’s going to say goodbye to Mackenzie. I look through my rearview mirror at the girl. She looks so lost. He better get his butt back in this car and give her a hug.
He offers a ‘see ya’ and starts to close the door. “Justin.” I say in a warning tone glancing from him and then back to Mackenzie. He rolls his eyes and steps back in. I watch as he awkwardly fiddles with his fingers. What is going on with them?
“I’ll see you in a couple of months.” He says. Mackenzie nods but doesn’t lift her head. “If you need anything just call.” She nods again and Justin shrugs at me before getting out of the car and walking away.
Looking back at Mackenzie again I can tell she’s crying. She’s trying to hide it but I’m a mother; I just know these things. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m making it a point to find out.
TBC.....
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