Chapter 18: Dígame
You are not gonna believe what happened today. I was just sitting in the living room reading a magazine and doorbell rings. Normal so far right? It gets better. So Enrique goes to answer the door and I panicked when I heard his shriek, but then realized it was a happy excited shriek.
I just sort of ignored it at first as he started ranting in Spanish until I heard the voice of the person he was speaking to. I thought I was imagining things. And it was that moment that I heard his voice, asking where I was, that I started feel angry.
Before I was confused and sad and self doubting but that all turned to anger.
Anger for him abandoning me just like everyone else in my life. Before he even had a chance to leave the foyer I was in my room with the door locked up tight.
And that’s where we leave off. He’s been knocking on my door for about fifteen minutes now begging for me to let him in. I haven’t said a word and I don’t plan to. I’ll bet you money that the only reason he is even here is because his mother yelled at him and told him to come make up with me. Well that’s just too f**king bad cause I’m not about to play his game.
“Zee, please,” He whines annoyingly between knocks. “Just open the door so I can talk to you.”
If you have something to say you can say it with my door present. And why is he calling me Zee when he knows I’m mad at him. You don’t call people by nicknames when you’re upset with them. Am I right? Of course I’m right.
You think I should let him in don’t you? I can’t; I’ve convinced myself that I need to be angry with him. He can’t just ignore me for weeks on end and then waltz back into my, already unstable, life and expect things to be back to normal.
“Kenzie, it is me, tu amigo, Enrique.” Despite my attitude I chuckle at his silly accent. “Abra la puerta por favor.” That means ‘open the door please.’ Enrique is teaching me Spanish.
“Diga Justin irse!” That means ‘tell Justin to leave.’ I’m pretty good huh?
“Lo van.” I hope that means that he left because I’m coming out. I haven’t learned what that means yet. The moment I turn the lock the door flies open and Justin steps in. Enrique must have lied to me or he said the Justin was still here.
I roll my eyes at him and push my chair over to the window so that my back is to him.
“Zee””
“Mackenzie.” I correct. He sighs in response and, out of the corner of my eye, I see him sit on the edge of my bed.
“Mackenzie, I am so sorry about not calling you.” He sighs again. “There is no excuse for the way that I treated you so I won’t even try. But I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”
The sincerity in his voice makes my insides melt. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel badly for being pissed at you when I have every right to be.” God I hate him sometimes. That’s a lie; I could never hate him. That is exactly why I hate him. Ugh! I’m giving myself a headache. Maybe it’s myself that I hate. I hate the fact that I give in to him after such a weak apology. “I wanna know why.”
I turn my chair around to face him and get a good look at him for the first time since he got here. He looks a mess. He shaved his head again and grew out his beard. I never really cared for the grunge look myself. I can take the shaved head; that’s kind of sexy but not the hair and the beard. I can tell he’s been crying. His eyes are red and puffy and he just looks worn out and way too thin.
“Why?”
“Why have you been avoiding me? What did I do wrong?” I ask softly my emotions getting the better of me. He runs his hand over his face and exhales noisily. He’s hiding something from me. This is bigger than I thought and his silence is starting to scare me. “Tell me Justin and don’t make up something. Tell me the truth.”
~*~*~*~*~
How stupid am I for not coming up with a lie to cover my story before I got here? How do I explain this without tell Mackenzie how I feel about her? God, I don’t even know how to tell her how I feel.
I should be grateful that she’s even speaking to me right now; that she even let me in her room. Although, we kind of tricked her into that, but that’s beside the point. Do I really want to push my luck by telling her that I have feeling for her? I’m so lost right now.
“The reason isn’t important Mackenzie.”
“It is to me. Did I do something wrong?”
“God no!” I answer quickly, finally lifting my head to look at her. I take her hand and hold it to my heart. “You did nothing wrong.”
“Don’t give me one of those, it’s not you it’s me lines.” She laughs through her tears. “Just tell me Justin. You’ve always been honest with me.”
I can tell this is never going to go away if I don’t tell her something. I can’t lie to her. I’m going to have to tell her the truth.
TBC.....
P.S. Dígame is spanish for 'tell me.'
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