Chapter 27: FLASHES
Gasping for breath my body jolts forward to a sitting position. Sweat is dripping from my body causing the thin sheet covering me to cling to my dampened skin. I cover my heart with my hand, taking deep, calming breaths and slowly lay back down. Closing my eyes the flashes instantly start again. Flashes of the accident and the aftermath that followed. Flashes of waking up in that hospital bed and not being able to move or speak. I rub my temples soothing my nerves and try to push the bad memories away.
What is causing this now? I haven’t had these nightmares in months and now all of a sudden I can’t even close my eyes without these terrible images haunting me. I contemplate calling Justin or even my Mom, but ultimately decided against it. I don’t want to burden them with my troubles. I’ll be fine. I just need to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, thinking only good thoughts and eventually drift back off to sleep.
“I dare you to take your bike and ride off that ramp over there.” Bobby Macloud dared. My eyes followed his extended finger to where he was pointing. A few feet away was an old, beat-up looking bike ramp. It looks like it used to be red but most of the paint has either been chipped away or just faded. There is a rather large gravel pit located at the end of the ramp where I would have to try to land. This could end up quite painful, “I double dog dare you.” But, how can you back down from a double dog dare?
“Mack, don’t do it.” Dan warns standing protectively in front of me. “Bobby is just being a jerk.”
With a look of pure seriousness I respond. “D, he double dogged me.”
“I don’t care. I am your brother and I will not let you kill yourself just because he double dogged you.”
I sighed annoyed and rolled my eyes at him. “You are not my dad. I can do what I want. Besides I’m not gonna kill myself.”
“Whatever. Just don’t come crying to me when you get hurt.”
“Don’t worry I won’t!”
*FLASH*
Blood”it’s everywhere. It trickles down my forehead and into my eyes only making the burning increase. I gasp for air but none reaches my lungs. I open my burning eyes and find my vision is clouded by ashy air. I tire to move but my entire body feels pinned in place. I can’t breathe or move or even scream for help. I fears this is the end.
*FLASH*
I slowly drag myself to the bathroom and hoist myself into the tub. I feel numb to the cold tiles as they press against my back. I just don’t really care anymore. I pick up one of the razors. I take a single blade out of the razor and stare at it for a moment. Trying not to think anymore I put the razor to my wrist and dig it into my skin. I watch numbly as blood begins to flow from my self-inflicted wound. I don’t feel a thing so I switch the blade to my left hand and follow suit on my other wrist. I can feel myself drifting away. I close my eyes and lean back into the tub and think about my happy place.
*FLASH*
“I don’t want to take her home.” I remain silent. “I can’t take care of her. It’s too difficult.”
My mouth drops open and tears begin to could my vision. I’m a burden to her; is that all I am? Why does she hate me so much? Next thing I know I’m screaming at her and throwing anything and everything I can get my hands on. I have never been so angry in my entire life. How could my own mother do this to me?
Nurse Kate runs in carrying a needle in her hand. I must need to be controlled.
“Mackenzie! Wake up! Mackenzie,” Two hands grasp my shoulders shaking me roughly from my deep sleep. My eyes fly open and I suddenly realize I’m screaming. I close my mouth but quickly reopen it to gasp for air as I start to hyperventilate. It’s Dan that’s sitting on the edge of my bed and who woke me. My gaze shifts from him to my mom across the way cradling Aubrey in her arms. Aubrey is bawling and looks terrified. I scared her. Tears prick my eyes and the next thing I know I’m sobbing into my hands.
I never should have come home.
~*~*~*~
“I’ll get it mom,” I call rushing into the kitchen to grab the phone. “Hello?”
“May I speak to Justin please,” A timid yet very familiar voice asks.
“Who’s calling?” I ask out in precaution. I don’t want my fans finding out where my mother lives and calling at all hours to harass her.
“My name is Deborah Conner. I’m Mackenzie Conner’s mom.” The woman answers and my breath hitches. Why do I have the feeling she’s not calling with good news and well wishes.
“This is Justin.” I gulp, barely able to find my voice. Blindly I seek out one of the bar stool at the island and sit down. “Is everything alright?”
She’s silent for a moment and the next sound I hear is her sniffling. Now I’m really starting to freak out here. What the hell happened? I just talked to last night and she was fine. Her dad and brother were starting to warm up and she was telling me that even thought at first she regretted her decision to go home she was glad she did.
“She’s just….having trouble adjusting.” She answers vaguely.
“What does that mean?” I ask just as my mom enters the kitchen. She gives me a questioning look but I just wave her off and concentrate on the voice on the opposite line.
“I don’t know if you knew Mackenzie when she had these terrible nightmares right after her accident””
“I remember,” I cut her off frantically; “She hasn’t had those in months.”
“Well she had some pretty bad ones last night.” She informs me. I sigh and run my hand through my recently grown out hair. This shit is not happing again. I feel my mom’s hand run over my back soothingly but it’s not really helping to calm me like it normally does. “She won’t talk to anyone about them, but I thought that maybe if you talked to her you could get her to open up.”
“F**k.” I swear under my breath. “Can you put her on the phone?”
She tells me to wait a minute while she takes her the phone. I cover the receiver with one hand while turning to my mother with worried eyes. “Mackenzie.”
She nods in understanding without me having to say another word. I knew it was too soon for her to see her family. If it were up to me she never would have gone to see them again. They royally f**ked her up and I completely blame them for all of her problems. If they would have just given her the f**king support she needed we wouldn’t be in this predicament.
I silence my mother with my hand when I hear breathing on the line. “Zee?”
“Hi.” She meekly replies. I can hear the anguish in her voice. She sounds exhausted”she probably didn’t sleep a wink last night.
“Your mom said you were having””
“I’m fine Justin.” She cuts me off and I’m sure she’s rolling her eyes at me. She always seems to get annoyed when I act concerned about her in the slightest. Even thought she has made tremendous progress, she still doesn’t like to be taken care of. She just stubborn like that. “My mom exaggerates,” She forces a chuckle. “I just had a bad dream.”
“What happened?”
“It was nothing.” She assures stubbornly.
“Mackenzie,”
“Justin, just leave it be!” She snaps, unknowingly revealing just how much her ‘bad dream’ affected her. I hate it when she closes herself off and pushes me away. She should have come home with me to a real family. “I’m gonna go now.”
“Mackenzie, don’t hang up mad.” I plead.
“I’m not mad,” She sighs. “I’ll talk to you later.”
The next thing in know the dial tone is humming in my ear. I pull the phone back and just stare at it in shock. I can’t believe she just hung up on me. I was just trying to f**king help.
“Is she okay?” My mom asks, taking a seat on the stool next me as I finally hang up the phone. From the look on her face I can tell she knows that everything is not okay. I simply shake my head no and drop my head to the table.
TBC.....(Please review!!!)
Number of reviews: 140
Print:
Chapter or Story