Chapter 6: What’s Normal?
What am I doing right now?
I have hold of Mackenzie Connor’s wheelchair and I am escorting her outside. We’re going to eat lunch out in the back by the garden. I’m not even forcing her to go. She wanted to go.
Can you believe that?
After she broke down in front of me yesterday she’s been like a different person. She acts as though she actually wants me around and enjoys it when I am. It’s kinda weird; but in a good way.
I’m glad she finally decided to give me a chance. I don’t really know why she did but I’m not gonna question it.
I stop in front if the blanket I have set-up under the big willow tree. A bag of Taco Bell is sitting off to the side along with our drinks; Taco Bell is one of her favorites.
My attention is drawn to her when I hear her gasp.
“You got me Taco Bell? You are awesome!” She smiles up at me enthusiastically.
Oh yeah, I’m the man….
We stare at each other for a few moments. I don’t know if I should ask her if she needs me to get her out of her wheelchair or not. I don’t want to embarrass her or myself but she isn’t moving.
“Do you think you can help me out here?” She asks timidly; almost ashamed. I nod silently and gently lift her from her chair and lay her on the blanket.
I sit down next to her and start to unpack our food as she tires to get more comfortable.
“So this is nice.” I say awkwardly trying to break the silence as I divvy out our food. I’m not used to being on good terms with her and I don’t know how to act now. Usually I just blab on about what’s going on with me and she rolls her eyes at me and pretends to ignore me.
“Yeah,” She replies. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Oh my gosh,” Mackenzie groans as she bites into her first taco. Strangely, I find myself biting back my own moan at the sounds she’s making. Maybe I just need to get laid. “Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve had real food? This is so good.”
“I’m glad you like it Mack.”
“Don’t call me that.” She snaps, the smile fading from both our faces instantly. I definitely struck a nerve. I debate asking her why the name upsets her so much but ultimately decide against it. She has just begun to tolerate my presence and I don’t want to mess with that. “I’m sorry Justin.” She apologies a few moments later.
“Don’t worry about it.” I wave her off. “Sometimes nicknames can get old. I know I hate it when people call me Justy.”
“No,” She sighs looking as if she’s trying to find the right words to express her feelings. “It’s just my fiancé used to call me that.”
Fiancé? Since when is Mackenzie engaged? My eyes immediately fly to her left hand; void of a ring. I am so confused right now it’s not even funny.
Does that even make any since? ‘I’m so confused it’s not even funny?’ I never did understand why people say that. Why would it be funny in the first place?
“I didn’t know you were engaged.”
“I’m not.” She replies bitterly. “He broke it off after the accident.”
Shit, that sucks. No wonder she was so depressed.
“I’m so””
“Please don’t say you’re sorry.” She cuts me off. “Everyone says their sorry.”
“I was just gonna say that he didn’t deserve you anyway.” She smiles appreciatively at me. Nice save Justin.
“That’s right.” Mackenzie says with a small smirk letting me know that she’s okay. “He was a jerk. Once he found out I wouldn’t be able to f**k him like he wanted he dumped me.”
Okay what do you say to that? I’m just staring at her with my mouth hanging open. I didn’t expect her to say that at all. I mean out of all the things she could have said, I never would have guessed that.
“I’m sorry; I’m ruining lunch with my bad attitude.”
“No.” I reply quickly. I don’t know what else to say.
She smiles and chuckles at me. “Dr. Jones told me that I should talk to you about my accident.” I nod. “I don’t have to”I mean you’d probably just be bored.”
“If you want to tell me I’ll listen.” She looks down at her lap and then back up at me and licks her lips self consciously.
“I don’t even remember the accident.” She begins, not really looking at me but past me. “I was told that some teenager ran a red light and broadsided my car. I didn’t even see it coming. I just remember waking up in the hospital.”
I swallow thickly. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear about this.
“I had a”a tube down my throat and IVs were...everywhere. My face felt like…” She trailed off. “I can’t even describe it. It was sort of like when you get punched in the eye but that’s what my whole face felt like; just a big bruise.”
Dear God.
“The air bag is what did it and the, uh, windshield was shattered and cut me up pretty badly.”
She stopped talking and inhaled sharply. I can tell she’s trying to stop herself from breaking down. Seeing her in such turmoil brings tears to my eyes as well as a surging anger at the person that did this to her.
“When the doctor told me that I was paralyzed I didn’t believe him. I could still feel my legs, you know. It still felt like they were there, but when I tried to move them…” A tear fell down her cheek and a sob escaped her. “My parents and my brother and sister and few close friends where there. I will never forget the way they looked at me.”
Mackenzie seemed to zone out into her own world. I’m sure she’s reliving this in her mind. I wish I could make her forget all this pain.
“They pitied me.” She laughed hollowly. “They looked at me with such sad eyes; like I was some kind of freak. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To have the people closest to you look at you like that?”
No, I whisper silently wiping a tear from my cheek I hope she didn’t see.
“So no on really said anything to me but how sorry they were that this happened to me. And then they left. My mom is the only one who comes to see me. She feels guilty I guess. My dad likes to sit at home and pretend that everything is okay and my ex-fiancé, Matt, said it was too painful for him to see me like this so he thought it would be best to end things. I’m sitting in an f**king hospital bed, paralyzed and it’s too painful for him.”
I still say nothing. I’m just here to listen.
“My brother actually came to see me yesterday and he stayed for about all of three minutes before practically running out of my room. He couldn’t even look at me.”
That explains her behavior yesterday.
“What about your sister?” I hear myself ask.
“I just”I told my mom I don’t want her to come. I don’t think I could take it if she treated me like everyone else does. And I feel ashamed.” She whispered the last part and my heart broke.
I can’t begin to imagine what she must be going through. Not only did she lose her legs but what should be her entire support system pretty much abandoned her.
“I know I haven’t really shown it, but I’m really grateful for you.” She says looking directly into my eyes. I can hear and see her sincerity and it makes me want to pull her into a hug and not let go until all her pain goes away. “You’re the only one that treats me like I’m normal.”
I reach over and grasp her hand in mine giving it a squeeze. “You are normal.” I reply hoping that helps just a little. “Weird, but normal.”
And she laughs, full out laughs and I think my heart swelled to about two times it’s normal size.
TBC.....As always, please review!
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