The door opens softly and I watch as she makes her way in silently. She smiles as she notices I’m watching her. “I hate hospitals.”
I sigh. “I don’t blame you.”
Things are quiet. Deadly quiet and awkward. “I got this for you.” She hands it to me and I push the up button so I can sit up. I open the bag and pull out the envelope. “I’m going to go get a cup of coffee. ”I nod and watch as she leaves.
I know what she’s doing.
I open the envelope and smile at the front of the card. It’s one of those precious moments things. It's so cute. A little boy helping a little girl pick up her books that are on the ground. I open it and read the card that has usually the cheesy message.
“No matter what, I’ll always be there for you.”
I smile and smile as I look on the other side. My breath catches.
Dear Justin,
I love you. You know that. But I don’t think this is good for me, or for you. I’m sorry. I just... I can’t do this. You mean too much to me. I can’t stand by and watch the love of my life be in pain. I know there’s nothing left for me to do. I’m sorry Justin.
It’s off. But I still love you. I want you to always know that I love you.
Love,
Me.
I close the card and swallow. Tears are spewing from my eyes as I place it back into the envelope. I look back inside the bag and take out a gift that’s wrapped. What now Lauren?
I open the package and freeze. It’s our song. It’s our thing. It’s... just... ours.
The day is so clear in my mind. The night before I left to go with NSYNC it was the school dance. The last one I knew I’d be going to. I took Lauren. She was so beautiful, dressed in the white dress. Me, in my tux. I thought that all love songs were so cheesy. But that night, that night had changed my view of her forever.
She was standing there with some other girl. Me standing with guys talking to them. This song comes on and for some reason I look over at her and she smiles. That instant I knew I had to dance with her. Walking towards her was the longest minute of my life. It felt like it went on forever.
I held out my hand and she took it. No words were needed as we walked to the dance floor. Her arms circling my neck, my arms circling her waist. And we danced.
We just danced.
Looking into the bag I see her portable CD player. I smile Hopefully it has batteries in it. I check and thee is two double A batteries. Fully charged. I open the case and place the CD inside the player and push play.
At last
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
At last
The sky above is blue
My heart was wrapped in clover
The night I looked at you
I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I, can call my own
I found a thrill, to press my cheek to
A thrill that I, have never ever known
Thinking about that night makes me smile with happiness. That’s the first time I knew. I jut knew she was for me. And I, I was meant for her.
And let me say this. I will not let anyone mess this chance up again.
Not ever Lauren herself.
I lied to him.
I never lie to him. Never.
But I couldn’t go back in there after he read those words. ‘No matter what, I’ll always be there for you.’ I lied and said I’d get a cup of coffee. And at first I thought I would. But as I stepped out into that hallway. I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t get that coffee and walk back into that room and see him.
I just couldn't.
I had gotten into my car and I drove. I drove straight for the cemetery. Straight for my mama’s grave. I sat there beside her grave with my head on the stone and cried. I told her what happened and no matter how hard I listened, I couldn't hear her reply. All I heard was the wind.
And the wind is never good enough for me.
So I’m sitting here in this little cafe. Just sipping on a Mocha latté. Drinking away my sorrows.
I can imagine what he thought when he opened that CD. When he listened to those lyrics once again. It’s been a long time.
A long time.
I remember that night. He looked so cute in that tux. Me in my white dress. I was standing there talking to some girls. They were all jealous because Justin brought me, and not them. He was acting all cool by his friends, being goofy and down right immature.
I heard the meaning of that song way before I heard the lyrics. The first lyric sentence shocked me as I looked at him and as he looked at me. Those sparkling blue eyes, they were like a pool of cool refreshing water, pulling me in.
When he started across the floor to me I thought it would never end. That he would never reach me. It was the longest minute of my life. But he made it, and he took my hand and we danced. No words were needed.
We knew.
We just knew.
It was a sad night, knowing he was leaving the next day. But knowing that he spent his last night with me, that was something special.
That was something I look back on with a smile.
I felt special. I felt like a princess.
I felt loved.
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