So, I’m still here. Still living. Breathing. But slowly I’m dying inside. I can’t stand not seeing her. It’s been four freaking days and I’ve become deeply depressed. She hasn’t showed up, she hasn’t called. She hasn’t even written a letter.
I just want a better explanation. That’s all. That’s it.
Is that too much to ask?
My mom is in the cafeteria and I’m alone in this white walled stupid weird smelling hospital room eating this disgusting food and watching some boring shit on TV.
I just need to talk to her.
I reach out to the phone beside me and dial her number. It rungs once, twice, three times before she answers. “Hello?”
“Hi.” I smile softly.
She sighs. “Hi.”
Silence is all I hear between us. Awkward silence. Weird how that’s all I’ve been hearing for awhile. Awkward silence. “I’m bored.”
“Yeah.” I can see her nodding in my head.
She nods a lot. She’s a nodder, I don’t think that’s a word though. Well It’s my word now.
Nodder. Hey, that works.
“What are you doing?”
I can hear papers shifting around. “Nothing.”
“What’s all the noise for?”
“Working.”
She sounds like a fucking robot. Always one short word. One syllable. Huh, weird.
“Why don’t you come visit me?”
“Can’t.”
She’s doing it again.
“Why not?”
She sighs. “Because.”
Will you quit and just talk to me. Damn.
“Why not? And don’t give me a one-word answer.” I sigh.
She sighs again. What’s with the sighing Laur? Feeling a little guilty? Or maybe depressed? Join the club hon. “because I can’t. Okay?”
“No. Not okay. We need to talk.” I lay the phone on my shoulder, flicking the TV off with the touch remote.
“We are talking.” She’s being sarcastic. Oh nice one honey.
“No. I'm talking You're using one syllable words.” I smile. “One word every time I ask a damn question.”
“What are you angry? Yell at me Justin. Maybe it will make you feel better.”
Feisty. Nice babe, nice.
“You know what? The only reason I called is because I miss you. I miss you okay? Sue me for it I don’t care. I miss you Lauren. Like crazy. I’m going crazy in this hospital without your smile, you touch, your kisses. Your... voice. I miss everything about you. I can’t be away from you for four fucking days. How do you expect me to be without you for the rest of my life?”
“Please tell me you’re not proposing.”
I laugh. “Honey. If I was, I don’t think you’d say yes right now.”
Silence. Oh, here we go again. “You’re wrong.”
“....What?”
I’m ... I don’t know what I am.
“You’re wrong. If you proposed to me this minute, over the phone. I would say yes. If you proposed to me over the phone right now I’d come running in your arms in a heartbeat.”
That sounded so casual. Like this was an everyday conversation to her.
I like that.
I think.
“I want something better than over a phone proposal.” I laugh. “I wanted to do something romantic.”
“Justin.” She sighs. “I think this is as good as it gets.”
She's wrong.
“I’m not proposing over the phone Lauren.” I shake my head with an unbelievable smile on my face.
I think she’s gone insane.
“Okay.”
I shake my head again and I freeze in mid shake. Because the phone line is dead.
Well shit.
Oh shit.
Oh holy crap.
Oh holy fucking shitting crap.
I can not believe I did that.
I just.. Hung up on him after having the craziest conversation ever with him.
A proposal over the phone?
I think I have lost my mind.
More or less my marbles.
Oh holy merciful crap.
I shake my head and sigh. I place the phone on the counter and groan in agony. Shit. I think I’m getting sick.
My nose is running like a faucet, and my eyes are watering.
Oh, nope. Not sick. Just crying. That’s okay then.
Once I start, I can’t stop. It’s like Pringles chips. It’s crazy. I’m crazy like that.
I’m starting to get a headache from all this crying. With blurry eyes I stand u and get some aspirin out of the cupboard and take two. Advil, gods medicine. It cures everything.
Well, not everything.
It can’t cure Justin and I. Our relationship is so screwed up. It can’t fix that now can it?
I didn’t think so.
Oh shit.
I think I’m going to puke.
I think the whole Lauren hanging up and asking me to propose to her over the phone is crazy.
She’s absolutely, positively crazily insane.
I still love her. So therefore I’m crazy.
I’m crazy for loving her and she’s crazy for thinking about these... insane ideas. Proposing over the phone. Who does that? Some sick guy that has dated a woman over the Internet for a year calls her and proposes to her over the phone.
Not me. Not Lauren. Not... us.
It just doesn’t work like that. I want something more for us. Something a little more romantic. Nothing like a candle light dinner, because that’s so... used. I want something unique. Something that’s just all our own. Something unexpected.
Yeah.
Unexpected.
Yeah. That sounds good.
Yeah.
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