Finally, two days later I get to go home.
Thank god.
Docs rules:
One: No stress. Yeah, that’s fine. I can do that.
Two: Take some mind and body relaxation time. Mediation or Yoga. I tried toga. It’s not for me. Might as well try mediating.
Three: No heavy lifting. And come back in tomorrow for discussions on treatment for my heart murmur.
Wonderful rules right? Easy to follow. Oh and one more.
No fattening foods. Absolutely not.
No more McDonalds. No more Burger King. And no more Sonic. Oh, damn no more Sonic. That’s going to kill me.
But that's okay. I’m home, well not home, but Lauren’s. But that’s okay. It’s like my home.
She’s sitting in the living room reading a Danielle Steel book. I look at the cover and smile. It’s the one I bought her a long time ago. ‘Irresistible Forces.’ Yeah, just like us.
“Hey.” I drop my bag and hold my arms out. She looks up at me and smiles, hopping to her feet and giving me a hug. Not as enthusiastic as I thought it would be. But hey, that’s okay.
“Hey.” She smiles. “I missed you.”
“It sure doesn’t look like it.”
“I hugged you!” She looks happy. Really happy. “You won’t believe what happened.”
“What?” I walk over and plop down in her recliner. Oh, it’s so comfortable. I could just sleep in this thing for hours, days even.
“I got paid. I’m on their payroll.”
“They? They who?”
“You know. Susan McCain. My new boss? Bella Painting?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I got paid. For those four paintings. Do you know how much the check was for?”
“No.” I shrug and shake my head. “How much?”
“Four grand Justin. Four fucking grand. I am fixed for life!” She screams with joy.
I used to make her scream with joy.
Now, now it’s just her job.
Her fucking job.
Fuck me.
“That’s nice.” I nod.
“Nice? Justin this is great. What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you happy for me?”
Don’t ask that unless you want the true answer.
“Well?”
I look at her and into her blue eyes. Shit. Lie or not to lie that, is the question.
“Yeah.” I slowly smile up at her. “I’m happy for you.
He’s lying.
I know he’s lying. I just don’t know why.
He’s telling me he’s happy for me when apparently he’s not.
Why is he lying?
“Why are you lying to me?” I ask softly as I slowly sit down on the couch and face him.
“I’m not lying.” He smiles. “Really I am happy for you. Really.”
“No.” I shake my head as I frown up at him. “You’re lying. Quit lying to me.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted me to be happy for you.”
“I do.” I sigh. “But only if you’re telling me the truth. It’s okay if you’re not happy for me.”
“No it’s not.” He sighs. “It’s not okay.”
“Then what is? Lying to me? When is that ever-okay Justin?”
He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s never okay? You want the truth?”
“Yes.” My forehead scrunches as I look at him. I can’t explain the things I’m feeling inside. It’s horrible. “I want the truth.”
“Okay.” He stands up. “You asked for it.” He sighs as he stands in front of me. “Okay. So here it is.”
“You’re procrastinating.” I comment.
He glares at me and stands before me with his hands on his waist. “Okay. When you told me you got that job. That you would be traveling to foreign countries to paint. I wasn’t happy. I was being selfish and I still am. Because I want you near. I can’t go without you for four days. I can’t be without you for a week or two Lauren. That would kill me.”
I smile softly as he continues to jabber on.
“Then that Brian guy started hitting on you and I thought. ‘Well hey, shit I don’t have any real strings to pull her back. She’s not my fiancee. So.. Shit’ I was jealus okay. So when he started talking about you ad him and a coffee shop talking about painting the next night I told him to get lost. I said some nasty things that aren’t me and he punched me and I beat the shit out of him.”
I laugh. “That you did.”
“Yeah. Well. I love you and I can’t live without you for one minute. How can I live without you for four days or two weeks or a moth? A year? I mean, Lauren. Damn.” He scratches his head. “I love you. You know that. I want to marry you and no I’m not asking right now because frankly, this isn’t romantic.”
“You're right.” I smile.
“Yeah.. And.. My point is....”
I sand up and walk to him.
“My point is...that...”
I run my hands down his chest.
“That I...”
I kiss his cheek.
“I um....”
I kiss his jaw.
“Umm.... I....”
I slowly lick his lips and place mine there softly. “You what?”
“I can’t live without you.” He smiles.
I smile back up at him and kiss him once more. “I can’t live without you either. This week has been hell.”
“Yeah.” He nods.
“Yeah.” I smile. My hands roaming over his chest until I reach the beginning of his pants.
He swallows hard and smiles softly. “I’m not supposed to do any strenuous work.”
I smile as I take his hand and into the laundry room. “Let the washer do its job.”
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