So the question running through my mind, and let me tell you it’s not a good one. Is she dong all this because she knew she was wrong?
Or does she just want me back because she knows she can do that to me.
Because she knows she can.
That just ticks me off though. I’m sitting here with take out Chinese when she’s upstairs ‘getting into something more comfortable’ What’s more comfortable then jeans and a tee shirt?
I know you’re thinking I'm stupid. Gee, she could be up there getting into a teddy. Well fucking shit. See if I care. Because believe it or not. I love her more than just for her body.
And let me tell you she has a wonderful body.
She can work her hips in a way that will bring a man to his knees. Trust me, I know. But that’s not the point. The point is, well, the point is... frankly there is no point to this jabbering of mine. I just feel... confused.
Yeah, confused.
John Mayer’s ‘Not myself’ is on the CD player as I sit here and wait for her. She’s coming down the stairs now. She’s dressed in a black bra and panties. Oh, Victoria Secret. What a secret to. Yeah. She’s... beautiful.
Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
I stand up and she smiles softly. “Hey. Food’s here huh?”
I nod. “Yeah. You ready to eat?”
“Yeah.” She sits down on the floor and I close my eyes. Damn, she likes to tempt people.
“Laur?”
She looks up at me after she places her egg roll down, after she has taken a big bite from it. I never did like those things; they’re just disgusting. “Yeah Just?”
“I uh...”
“I’m hot.” She smiles and turns around and continues to eat.
I sigh and rub my face as I sit down beside her and grab some noodles and sweet and sour chicken. Good stuff. My eyes aren’t leaving hers. They just have a mind of their own. She’s such a cute eater. She just nibbles on everything like a rabbit.
In this case a black rabbit, considering the attire
But whatever.
It’s a free country. So.. she can do whatever she wants.
Even if it is torturing me.
His eyes aren’t leaving my mouth. I think he wants to kiss me. I turn to him and smile. There’s this little piece of noodle stuck to his chin. My grin widens as I lean in and wipe it off. His eyes are closed as I lean back and grab my chopsticks again.
I lick my lips and lean in and kiss his forehead. His eyes open. They’re that stone blue color. The one that tells me he wants something. That he isn’t going to give up unless he has it. I smile and kiss his cheek. He kisses mine back.
And this is how it starts.
He takes me into his arms and unclasps my bra. Easy dong since I’m not wearing much. I meant what I said when I said I was hot. I was burning up and placing on clothes, even a shirt, was killing me. This was the best thing besides going around naked.
His hands went over my shoulder as he took the silky bra into his hands. He looked at it for a split second and threw it away. Not away in the trash, but away from me and him.
Out of our way.
The food was forgotten as his hand reached out and threw it all on the floor in one sweep. He laid me on the coffee table and towered above me.
There’s a couch two inches away Justin. Hello comfort? It’s a major factor. Especially when I'm with you.
He doesn’t think about these things. As women we do. We don’t want splinters in our ass of legs. We want something comfortable underneath.
He reaches out and turns off the lamp on the stand close to us. Now, it’s completely dark.
Exactly what I like.
Last night was a.... Wonderful unexpected thing. It was... awesome. Fantastic and... Breathtaking.
Considering it was unexpected and no where near romantic. I felt something special when we cuddled later. Because a hot tear streaked down my chest to my belly button.
She was crying.
We had this long discussion about her father, her mother, and us. She had explained why she had said it was through when I was in the hospital. It was simply being afraid. Afraid of losing me.
When she was younger she was afraid that her father never loved her, and as sick and deranged as it was. She thought what he was doing to her all those years ago was showing her that he loved her.
Because that’s what he said he was doing.
Showing her love.
We’re sitting in the hospital now waiting on Dr. O to come out and get us and to discuss treatment for my heart murmur. I turn to Lauren and smile and begin to laugh.
“Are you crazy?” She looks a me in this deranged psychotic way. No honey, I’m not insane.
“No.” I laugh.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Murmur!”
“What?” She laughs softly. My laugh is so contagious.
“Murmur. That is.... Such.... A hilarious.... Word!” I laugh. Tears are coming out of my eyes I’m laughing so hard.
“Justin?”
We both look up and I try to control my laughter as we walk with him. But chuckles come bursting out and I begin to laugh.
I know now, that everyone in the hospital thinks I’m being treated with shock therapy.
And you know what?
They’re right.
“Let me stat off by saying most heart murmur are completely innocent. They’re from blood flowing through healthy heart valves to a healthy heart. However, some heart murmurs can be caused by blood flowing through a damaged heart valve. And that’s what we’re going to find out.”
I stare at him. “To see if his heart valve is healthy or not?”
“Yes.” He nods. He pulls down a picture of this heart and the ‘valves’ to it. Most commonly known as passage ways. Huh, who figured?
“Okay.” He nods. “Here's a picture of a heart. Your heart has four chambers. The two upper chambers are called the right and left atria.” He points and we nod. It’s like were in science all over again.
“The lower chambers are the right and left ventricles. Your right atrium receives deoxygenated blood from your body. This blood then flows through your tricuspid valve into your right ventricle, then through your pulmonary valve into your pulmonary artery” He laughs softly and looks at us. “You still with me?”
We both nod hesitantly and he continues. “Your pulmonary artery carries the blood to your lungs to take up the oxygen you just inhaled. The oxygenated blood flows from your lungs to your left atrium, then through your bicuspid valve to your left ventricle. Finally, it flows through your aortic valve into your aorta. Your aorta carries the blood throughout your body, and the process begins again. Understood?”
“Yeah.” Justin nods. I don’t say a word because I don’t understand a word he said. The only thing I heard was ‘Let me stat off by saying most heart murmur are completely innocent.’ After that I was lost.
Completely.
So they talked about his heart and they set up a ECG for tomorrow to see how bad it was and if his valve was damaged or not. If it were, they’d have to do surgery. If not, he was fine to go and he’d just live with it and have to take medicine for it for the rest of his life.
Me, I’d rather be dealt option number two.
So, we’ll be back again tomorrow.
Chest X-rays, ECG and Echocardiography.
Nice, real nice.
I smile as I take Justin’s hand and walk out into the sun. It’s shining brightly and I smile as I kiss his cheek. “What was that for?”
I smile and shrug. “Just because.”
And that’s all I'm saying.
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