“What do you mean I might be pregnant?” I stand there looking down at him from the stairs. Oh nice joke Justin. Really.
“We uh... didn’t use protection the last time we...”
I throw up my hands and stomp down the stairs. Damn him for doing this to me. Damn him, damn him, damn him. “I don’t... I don’t believe this. You’re telling me I might be pregnant the day before you go under the knife for surgery on you left atria?”
“Uh...” He smiles softly. “Yeah.”
“Yeah?” I raise my browse. “That’s all you can say to ME IS YEAH?” I yell.
“No need to raise the voice Lauren. I can hear you. You’re practically in my face.” He sighs.
“YOU’RE SAYING I MIGHT BE, COULD BE PREGNANT. YOU DON”T WANT ME TO SCREAM!” I yell. “HOW’S THIS JUSTIN?” I take a deep breath. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
He stares at me with a blank face. I groan and walk upstairs. “Forget about the invitation earlier. I suggest you go home.”
I slam the door to my room and collapse on the bed. I quickly turn on my back and stare at the ceiling. Immediately my hand goes to my stomach and I sigh.
I might be pregnant.
What a fucking mess.
It was never suppose to come out like that. It sounded like a casual conversation. Which reminds me, I don't think Lauren and I ever had a casual conversation. Ever. I never meant to make her upset. I didn’t know she was going to blow her stack.
Okay, well... Maybe I did.
But I never expected her to kick me out. For Pete's sake the girl can make up her mind in the matter of five seconds when she’s pissed. But when she’s calm and collected it takes her over twenty four hours to decide on something.
Now what am I supposed to do? I don’t have my car. I suppose I should walk home. I grab my pop and stand up and sigh as I stare at the ceiling. She’s probably calling me every name in the book right now.
Let me tell you something. It’s just between us...
Love bites.
Love sucks.
Who said when you get involved with someone the consequences of sex were pregnancy? Condoms are supposed to be there. ALWAYS! But no, he forgot.
I sigh as I sit up and look out the window. The poor sucker is walking home.
Guilt trip. Damn you Justin.
I race down the stairs and through the kitchen and blast open the front door. “WAIT!”
He turns around and I can see him sigh. His shoulders slump. “What? You want to yell at me some more? I have something to say first though. It takes two to... you know tango Lauren. I’m not at all at fault here.”
“Justin just... shut up.” I grab my keys and head for the car. I open the drier door and sit down. I look back out at him and widened my eyes. “Do you want a ride or not?”
I must have pulled some guilt at her. She’s been apologizing to me ever since I got into the car. She said she understood that it takes two to tango. I love that movie by the way.
She said she was sorry for yelling. That she’d go to the doctors in a few days to get a test.
“What do you mean?”
She sighs. “I have to wait at least five to six days.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know Justin. It’s... the rules, I guess.” She lays on the horn and flicks this old lady off. I grin as she flies past the woman and her Beatle.
“So what... like a blood test?”
“Yeah.” She nods. “Do you uh... want to come with me?”
I sigh. “If I can.”
She gasps. After all of this arguing we forgot what tomorrow consists of. “Oh... yeah.” She nods. “I understand. What time do we have to be at the hospital tomorrow?”
We’ve been driving around town for about an hour now. Just talking. Talking and talking and more talking. “Seven.”
“In the morning?” She lays on the horn and flicks this teenager off because he passed her. Damn she has road rage.
“Yeah.” I nod. “So what, do you want to pick me up tomorrow morning around five?”
“Hell no.” She laughs softly. “Just stay with me.” She reaches over and takes my hand in hers. I look at our hands. I remember the way she’d do that when we were younger when she would get scared. (After all the bullying)
I took our hands and brought hers to my lips and kissed her ring finger softly. The diamond engagement ring looks beautiful on her. “Okay.”
We went to sleep last night around one. So we got what, six hours of sleep in total? Maybe less. But who’s counting right? It’s six thirty now and he’s waking up by the alarm clock. I’ve been awake since five. Just laying here staring at him and holding my stomach.
If I am pregnant. What will I do?
There are so many choices these days. Of course abortion is out of the question. That’s just unethical and cruel. Adoption is a choice. But then I wouldn’t be able to watch him or her grow up.
So really there's only one decision left.
Keeping the baby.
Of course, I wouldn’t be in this position if Justin hadn’t forgotten to slip on the condom.
Damn him.
Damn him to hell.
She’s just lying there staring at the ceiling. I’ve told her to get up and ready five times already. But she continues to stare at the ceiling. I think she’s in some kind of shock. I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t very well drive myself to the hospital in my freaked out state of mind. I shake her arm and her eyes automatically lock on mine.
“What?”
“Its quarter till.” I sigh. I’m all ready. Shoes are on and the keys are in my hands. “No time for makeup. Get dressed.”
She throws back the covers and walks to her closet like a zombie.
God, this day is going to be hell.
We get at the hospital a little after seven and meet the doctor in his office. Lauren walks back into the room where I’m going to get ready to go to the OR. She’s being a good sport. She's not shedding any tears but she’s giving me support. My mom is outside and she waves and I smile as she walks in and kisses my forehead.
“We’ll all be right here when you come out, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod and kiss her cheek. “I love you.” And for some reason those three little words that I say to her all the time meant the world to me at that moment.
She smiles and kisses my forehead once more and squeezes my hand. “Love you too. I’ll let you two talk.” She nods and walks out of the room. Marissa and James have come and said their hellos.
But all I care about is Lauren.
“You okay?”
“I should be asking you that.” She smiles. “You okay?”
I swallow hard and nod hesitantly. “Yeah.” After thinking about that I shake my head. “No.”
She frowns and holds my hand as she sits in the chair. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m scared.” My voice cracks. I haven’t cried in front of her since I told her this news. And before that it was slight and few. I’ve never really been a crying man.
“Hey.” She whispers as she kisses my forehead, my cheeks, and lips. “It’s going to be okay. I’m right here and I’ll be right here when you get back. I won’t leave your side, okay?”
I nod as Dr. O walks in. “Sorry Lauren. But it’s time to go in.”
She nods and stands up and kisses me one last time.
Funny how I cherish that kiss. I keep thinking it’s going to be my last. As in my very last kiss from her.
Ever.
Nurses come in and start to wheel me out. “Can she walk me to the doors?” I ask softly as I look up at the Doctor.
H nods slightly and Lauren is right there by my side until we meet the double doors. “I love you.” I say softly.
I can see the tears in her eyes as they begin to push me away. “I love you too.”
The room is slightly dark before they turn on the lights. “Okay Justin. I need you to count back from one hundred.”
I inhale deeply from the mask and sigh. “One hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight. Ninety.... Seven. Nine...ty....s...i...x....”
And all is black.
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