It’s been four days later and she hasn’t really talked to me at all. She’s off with Marissa shopping at the new JC Penny and Kaufman. They have this four hour shopping plan today. They say it’s for the Gallery, which opens up in two days, but I know it’s for their own personal pleasure.
Speaking of personal pleasure...
I got none.
Haven't had any for a couple of weeks and won’t have any for a couple more. Damn doctors. But that’s okay. I have the house to myself and a few CD’s in the CD player on high.
I’m jamming.
Cleaning the house and jamming to music is great. John Mayer, Matchbox Twenty and Cold Play. Great stuff. The phone is ringing but I’m not going to answer it. I haven’t for the last couple of days. It’s always for Lauren anyway. So why should I?
“Neon neon... who knows how long, how long, how long....” I sing as I mop the kitchen. I’m a domestic male. Can you tell?
I stop because the phone won’t stop ringing and I turn down the CD player and answer it. “hello?”
“Did you read it?”
“Fuck off.”
“Nice.” She giggles. “Please just read it.”
“In hell.” I hang up the phone only for it to ring again. “What?”
“Just read it. Please. It’s important.”
“Like my feelings?” dredging up the past. Just like me.
“I’m sorry.” She says softly. “Please. Just read it.”
And she hangs up.
“So are you?”
I look at the test tube and sigh. “No.”
“I thought that was good?”
“I was looking forward to... you know.” I shrug as I throw it away. “But it’s okay. It’s all for the best.” I smile softly. “Come on, let's go.”
We walk around the mall, bought some stuff at bath and body works. Went into an antique store and bought some stuff for the gallery. Something to spiff it up. We bought a few outfits and we wet out separate ways.
Her to James.
Me to Justin.
Now I have to tell him the good.... news. Good, bad, depends on how you look at it.
For me it’s bad, and good. bad because I won’t have the baby. Good because I won’t have the baby.
I got mixed emotions.
But I guess that’s normal.
Her car pulls in and I sit up and wait in the living room for her. She walks in and smiles. “Hey I want to just...jump to the...” She tops and stares at me. I’m looking at the floor. “What’s wrong?”
I hand her the letter. “This.”
She takes the piece of paper and reads over it. She sits down beside me and sighs. “So now what? What do you want to do?”
I run a hand over my head and down my face and sigh. “I don’t know.”
We sit there for hours. No one talking. No one moving. No one doing a thing.
It’s just quiet.
Too quiet.
I stand up and sigh. “I’m going for a walk.”
“Want company?” She looks up at me with those bright blue eyes.
I shake me head softly. “No.”
And I walk away.
She’s pregnant. Not me, HER. Britney. With HIS child.
What’s a girl to do?
What’s a girl to do?
I sigh and pick up the phone and call.... who am I suppose to call. I’d call Justin but he IS the problem. THIS is the problem.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
I stand up and walk out of the living room and grab my keys. I need to get away.
Just..... away.
I sit in the park on a bench and watch dad play with their kids. Mothers swing their daughters and son. People walking their dogs and I think. That’s going to be me in nine months.
I’m going to be a dad.
That sounds so weird.
I’m going to be a dad.
I walk down by the waterside and sit on the bench closer to the water and sigh as I watch the ducks. There’s this little boy throwing bread to them. He smiles at me and walks up to me and hands me a piece of the bread. “Here. Ducks.” He points.
I nod. “Thanks.” I take it and break it apart and throw it to the ducks.
“Tommy?” A woman walks up and snags him and picks him up and into her arms. “Come on. it’s time for supper.”
I watch as she walks away with him and meets this man by the tree with a golden retriever and they walk away.
And it keeps coming back.
I’m going to be a dad.
