It’s been a whole two days since I left her. I got so tired of being at my house watching cartoons by myself that I had called Britney. She invited me to stay with her. So here I am. Lying on her couch, watching her TV, and eating her food.

I know I have to make the call. I know I have to call her and tell her that I’ll be by to get my stuff. I can’t apologize. I’ve just had enough. It’s become to much for me. I sigh and shut the TV off. Britney left to go somewhere.

And it hits me like a ton of bricks. Lauren’s birthday is tomorrow. I grab the phone book from the stand drawer and flip through it. I grab the phone off the cradle and sigh. I had made a promise. And I don’t break a promise.

No matter what’s going on between us.

“Hello. I was wondering if you have any Jack Russell-- oh good.” I smile. “Yeah. I’ll be in later today. Thanks.” I hang up and place the phone on the cradle.

I stare at the blank TV and shake my head. TV is rotting my brain. Too much Rugrats and Hey Arnold. It’s not good for you. I stand up and walk into the kitchen and grab my keys off the key-hook by the door and step into the hot August sun.

I open the door once more and step inside the house and walk to the drawer and grab my sunglasses. I place them on and smile.

Here we go.

Cheesy music has been playing in the background for two days straight. Knowing that tomorrow is my birthday isn’t helping me much. I've avoided the phone for as long as possible. But Marissa stopped by and checked on me.

We had a long discussion and I cried on her shoulder. Besides, what are friends for?

So I have all the blinds and curtains shut and my house looks like a funeral parlor. I’m sitting on the couch with red rimmed eyes from crying. And I know this is whole situation is half of my fault.

Which sucks.

I know it’s my fault. I know I pushed him away. It’s not like I meant to but I had to at least try to make him see what and who Britney is. She’s lying and she's conniving and she’s a thief.

I might sound like a stubborn four-year old but I really don’t care anymore. The only person I care for in all of my life is Justin. And... he’s gone.

The phone rings and I stare at it. It’s probably Marissa. I sigh and answer it. “Hello?”

“Hi.”

I bring my knees to my chest and rest my him on my knees. I’m crying silently. “Hey.”

“How are you?”

I sniff. “Fine. Just peachy.”

I can see him nod. I can still see him scratch the back of his neck and nod. It’s like he’s right in front of me. And in my imagination he is. “Yeah. Me too.”

I lick my lips. I have nothing to say. When I open my mouth look what happens. I’ll just stay quiet. But I can’t help but ask. “What do you want?”

“Your birthday is tomorrow.”

I nod. “Yeah it is. Go figure. I’ll be Twenty-four.”

“Don’t.” he sighs. “Just don’t do that. Don’t act all distant from me. I still love you. I just... need a break.”

“To be with Britney?”

Silence overwhelms me. Silence. It’s just.... overwhelming. “Yes.”

“You have two minutes to tell me why you called and then I’m hanging up.”

He sighs. “I need to get my stuff. I’m staying with Britney for--”

“Stop. Rewind and start again. Without mentioning her name.” I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose.

“I need to come get my stuff and drop something off for you.”

“Okay. Now isn’t a good time.” I sigh as the someone rings the doorbell. “Wait a minute.” I walk to the door and open it.

“I’m not waiting.”

My lips sticks out in a pout as he holds the cutest little Jack Russell that I’ve ever seen. I sniff back my tears and take the dog from him. I kiss the dogs head and ruffle his ears. “Thank you.” I whisper softly.

“I promised you. I don’t--”

“I know.” I sigh. “Do you need help with packing?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s okay. I’ll get it.”

I move to allow him inside and watch as he walks in the hall way and up the stairs. I walk into the living room and sit down with the dog on my lap and cuddle it closer to my chest. Tears slip out of my eyes and hit his fur. His ears lift slightly and he looks up at me. “Get used to it. It’s going to be going for awhile.”

“What?” I stuff my shirt into a suitcase as she stands at the door.

“I didn’t say anything.” She sighs.

I look at her. I see the beauty in her and I think that we can try this again. That she can try to understand. But then I remember why all of this happened. Why I’m packing my things and leaving. And I know it won’t work. I lick my lips and grab another shirt. “I told you I didn’t need any help.”

“I’m not here to help.” She whispers. “I’m not here to argue with you or tell you you’re being stubborn and not listening to me. I don’t want any of that to happen.”

“Then what do of want?” I grab my jeans and a flannel shirt that definitely won’t fit me anymore. I look at it and I remember the way Lauren wore it on cold nights. I throw it on the bed and look at her. “You can have it.”

She stares at the shirt and nods. “Okay.”

“You didn’t answer me.”

“What?” The dog I jsut got her comes up and sits beside her feet.

“What do you want?”

It’s quiet as I start to pack again. I don’t want to say anything until she gives me a straight answer. “You.”

I freeze midway putting a pair of Tommy jeans into the suitcase and I look up at her. All time stops as tears fall from her eyes.

I never meant for her to cry.

“I can’t.” I stuff the jeans into the suitcase and continue to do what I came here to do. Pack.

“Why not? Why can’t you just stay. Just stay.” She cries.

“Because we both know it’ll end with me making love to you and the next morning you’ll argue with me about Britney and I just... I don’t have the strength for it Lauren.”

I watch as she walks in and drops to her knees beside me. Her eyes are filled with tears and they’re blood shot. Most likely from long nights of crying. I hate to admit it, but I do feel bad. “I won’t say anything about it. Because I know you don’t want to hear it. I just want you. I want to marry you and I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved.” She sobs.

I sigh and take her into my arms and kiss her forehead. My packing is done. she sobs into my shirt and I hold her tightly. I close my eyes and I know I have to leave. Because if I don’t I’ll stay and it’ll all be a mistake. We both need time.

I let her go and stand up on my feet. She knows what’s coming and she’s crying all over again.

A river of tears.

“I can’t.” I whisper and kiss her hair wiht my eyes closed. I take my suitcase and walk down the stairs and leave her alone.

We both just need time.

Time to ourselves.

Time alone.

Just... alone.

I grab my keys off the counter and take a good look around me. I feel as if this will be the last time I see her again. The last time I see this place again. The dog comes down and pants before my feet. I place my suitcase at my feet and I lean down and scratch behind his ears and tell him to stay. I sigh and grab my suitcase off the floor once more and head out.

And I can’t help but feel my heart break into.

I think it's really over.