My mama always taught me it was bad luck to look back.

“Justin would you please just stop and listen to me for one minute!” I yell as he runs around the room grabbing his shirt, socks, and shoes.

“I can’t afford to listen to you Lauren. She’s in labor. And... it’s--” He stopped. “Two months early.”

“I understand all that.” I sit down and watch him. “But have you ever gotten that test back?”

“Oh not that again.” He groans as he balls up his shirt in his hands. I can tell he’s angry. “Yes, okay. And it IS mine.”

“She could be--”

“I KNOW!” He yells. “Don’t you think I know that?” He turns to me with his eyes full of despair. “Don’t you think I know that and that maybe, just maybe, I’m thinking that I could raise this kid as my own. It’d be loved Lauren.” He sits down on the couch with his head in his hands and looks at me with tears in his eyes. “It’d be loved.”

I lick my lips and get on my knees and take his hand into mine. “I love you Justin. I always will. But the child deserves to know. Even if it can’t understand.”

“I....” He takes a deep breath and sighs. He stands up and puts his shirt on and looks down at me. “I have to go.”

I nod as I stand up and walk him to the door. I watch as he walks out and away from me. And I know he’s trying to do the right thing. But it still hurts. The phone rungs and I stare back into the living room.

Time to face my fears.

I walk back into the living room and pick up the phone. “Hello?”

“You have a call from Florida state penitentiary. Press one to connect.”

I push one.

And so begins the end.

I race through the halls after getting the information I needed from a nurse. I run down to the nursery section and into room 210. She’s laying there breathing hard and trying her dandiest not to push. I race to her side and take her hand into mine. “I knew you’d be with her.” She grunts.

“I'm here now.” I kiss her forehead.

“You the father?”

I nod at the nurse.

“No.” Britney shakes her head. She breaks into tears. “No he’s not the father. He’s not the father. HE’S NOT THE FATHER!”

“Push Britney. Push!” The nurse yells back.

She takes a deep breath and pushes and squeezes my hand until I think it’s broken into pieces. But I can’t help but replay over and over again what she had said.

I’m really not the father.

I’m not the father.

I sigh for the millionth time as I sit in the waiting room. I don’t even know why I’m here. I suppose support for Justin. But after talking to my father I just want to crawl into a huge black hole and die.

Miserably.

He walks out with his head down and takes off the bandana that he was wearing and looks up and sees me. I stand and wait as he walks closer. I can tell by his eyes that something is wrong. And I frown. And his eyes well with tears. “Theresa Lynn Spears.” He whispers and clears his throat.

“Beautiful name.” I half smile. It is, a beautiful name.

“Yeah.” He nods and wipes at his runny nose. “She’s not mine.”

And it’s all down hill from there.

It’s the connection we have. It’s like we’re joined by souls. She’s my soul mate and I’m hers. And we’re lucky to have each other that’s for sure. She knew when I walked out those doors that something was wrong. And I knew the same for her. So were standing here while Britney sleeps looking at this little girl for who, I thought for a month was mine.

And even if she wasn’t I was willing to raise her as my own.

Funny, how things just change in a matter of a split second.

She turns to me and takes my hand. Leans her head on my shoulder and sighs. “She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah.” I nod. I’m numb to the fact that she’s not mine. I know, but I’m numb. All feeling, all pain and suffering has just up and left me. I’m at peace. Sort of.

“My dad called again.”

“Hang up?” She's silent and I look down at her. She didn’t “You hung up right?”

“No.” She shook her head. She’s still staring at Theresa. “I took it.”

“And?” I take her hand and pry her from the window. We walk a little ways and out the door and sit down on the curb. “Well?”

“He said he knew about my mom. That he was sorry. That he was sorry for what he did to me, to her. To everyone.”

I take her into my arms and rock back and forth and she doesn’t even cry. “Lauren?” I look at her face.

It’s emotionless.

“What’d he say to you?”

She slowly turns to me. “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.” I say sternly. I hate when she does this. She's closing off. “Lauren.”

A single tears falls. “He went into detail.” She sniffs. “The first night how it happened. How he came into my room. How he talked me into in. How he watched me shed my clothes.” She breaks down in tears. “Justin. He said he would do it again if he had the chance.” She looks into my eyes and all I see is a broken soul.

“He said he was sorry though.” I ask softly.

“That’s because the guard was around.” She cries. leaning her head on my shoulder, hot tears streaming out of her eyes and into the crook of my neck. “He told me how he touched me. How he felt when he touched me. I was so scared Justin.” She cries.

“I was so scared.”

I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. “It’s okay.” I sigh. “You’re safe.”

I felt guilty just spilling my guts to him when he had bigger problems to deal with. I was fighting demons of the past while he slays dragons of the present.

But he was always my prince in shining armor. Always there to rescue me.

I guess some things never change. I pull away. “You need to go talk to her and I need to go home.”

“You sure you’re okay to drive?” He asks softly.

I nod. “I’m fine.” I sniff. “I just needed some one to hold me.”

“Anytime. I’m here.”

I nod. “I know. And you know we’re not--”

“I know.” He nods.

I nod. I look down at the ring on my finger and slowly take it off and take his hand and open it. I lick my lips and close his fingers over it and kiss his hand.

“It’s yours.” He looks at me and then his hand. “I bought that for you.” He hands it back and I step away.

“I can’t take it.” I shake my head. I walk closer and kiss his cheek. “I love you.” I sniff back my tears.

“I love you too.” He whispers.

I turn and walk away.

And this time I just know it’s going to be for good. no more talking to him. no more calling him. No more of him rescuing me. I can’t do this anymore.

In the long run it’s only hurting us when we’re trying desperately to move on.

Move on.

I shake my head as I get into my car. He’s still standing there watching me. I blow a kiss and he catches it and I’m off.

I want so desperately to look back.

But my mama always taught me it was bad luck to look back.