“Hey.”

I look up from the stencil and smile softly. “Hi.” My attention goes back to my drawing.

“What’s that?” He points.

“Don’t.” I hold my hand up. Stopping him from coming any closer. “I need...”

“What?” He sits on the chair across from my and stares. “What do you need?”

“To finish this.” My voice is filled with emotionless blabber. It’s like my body is here but I’m not. I’m lost. I’m lost in my drawing. The outline is done, the eyes are done, the mouth, the nose, the cheeks, the chin. All I’m doing is putting the finishing touches on it. “There’s coke in the fridge.”

“That’s okay.”

I know his eyes are on mine. I can feel them. “Sorry.”

“For?” He leans on his knees and stares at me. I use to think that was unnerving, but now it’s fine. It’s okay. I kind of like it too. “Yesterday.”

“Justin?”

I nod, my hand brushing back and forth with the pencil in it. “It was bad.”

“His heart?”

“That and other things.” I drop the pencil and stand up and walk into the kitchen. I know he’s going to look at it. I know what he’s going to think. But I had to do it. I had to get it out of my system. “I need to go skydiving.”

“For?” He walks into the kitchen and his arms wrap around me, his lips kissing my neck. We’ve moved to a higher level just now.

“To fly. No other reason than to fly. You ever been?” I place the pop on the counter and turn to him.

“No.” His arms wrap around my waist and my arms encircle his neck. Ou lips touch for a split second before i pull away.

“No.”

“This has to do with Justin doesn’t it?”

“Doesn’t it always?” I ask as I sit down on the couch. “My world is just revolved around him. Didn't you know that?” I look into his eyes. “What Michael? What?”

He holds the picture I had just finished up. “Explain this.”

“How can I? It’s a work of art.”

“It’s him.”

I nod. “I have eyes. I can see that. Plus I know because I made it. It’s a piece of art.” I nod. I’m being a bitch. Who cares. “What do you want from me Michael? To say that I’m completely and utterly over him? Because if I said that I’d be a lying fool.”

“I didn’t say you had to be over him. Lauren. I don’t like the guy. I’m not going to hide that. He’s tortured you for.... so long and you keep going back for more.”

“That’s me. The all around Justin whore.” I stand up and walk into the living room with my painting in hand. I grab a nail from the drawer and a hammer and tack the nail into the green wall.

“I never said that.”

I sigh as I hang it on the wall. Slowly I urn to him. “It’s a keeper.”

“What’s it represent? Your love for him?” His arms cross over his chest as he stares at me. But the corner of his eye is looking at the painting.

I look at him, then the painting and smile. “Nope. My anger towards him.”

Dark eyes filled with anger. An evil grin smeared across a beautiful face, and a woman laying beside him in bed.

Yeah. That’s my anger.

The door slowly opens and I turn towards it and freeze. “Is it okay to come in?”

“Yeah.” I nod. She sit down with the car seat and smiles.

“Do you want to...”

“Yeah.” I nod as I sit up.

she undoes the buckles and picks her up and brings her to me. “There.” She says softly as she places the little treasure into my arms. She smiles. “She likes you.”

I look up into her brown eyes and then back into the brown eyes of her daughter. “Yeah. She’s a first.”

“Lauren?”

I don’t say anything. I just stare at the child laying in my arms. Her eyes open and close and open wide as she looks up at me. I swear to you she just smiles. She just smiled a gummy grin. “Did she--?”

“Yeah.” She nods. She reaches out and brushes a hand over the small head of her daughter and sighs. “You know you can always...”

“I know.” I nod. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” She bits her bottom lip. “I need to get something to drink. You okay with her?”

“Of course.” I nod and smile down at the precious gift in my arms.

“Okay.” She grabs her purse and slowly walks to the door but she stops and looks at me. “Justin?”

“Hmm?” I slowly look up at her with raised brows.

“I never really stopped loving you.” She smiles softly as she leans against the door. “I mean, who could?”

And she’s gone.

I sift and lay the baby between my legs and look down at her. My finger traces the soft skin of her cheek and she reaches p and grabs a hold of it. “What a strong grip.” I smile.

I can’t help myself. I lean down and slowly, lightly, plant a soft iss on her forehead. “I wish you were mine.” I whisper with my eyes closed. “God I wish you were mine.”

“I NEVER SAID THAT!”

“YES YOU DID! YOU JUST SAID FOR ME TO CHOOSE!”

“WELL I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!”

“WELL IT SURE SOUNDED LIKE IT! YOU JUST SAID IT WAS YOU OR JUSTIN I CAN’T CHOOSE OKAY? HE’S MY BEST FRIEND! YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND!”

“THERE IS A DIFFERENCE ISN’T THERE?”

“WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?”

“IT MEANS STOP LIVING IN A FAIRYTALE WORLD!”

I sit down and stare at him. Those words hit deeper and cuit worse than any knife could have. “Fuck you.” I sniff as I allow my head to go to my hands. I allow my tears to fall.

“I never...” He sighs as she sits down beside me. “I never meant it like that.” His hand rests on my shoulder, sliding down my back over my waist to my leg and inner thigh.

“Stop.” I push his hand off and curl into a ball, my back facing him.

His hand reaches towards my shoulder again. “STOP!” I push him away and he falls on the floor. “Just get out.”

“Okay.” He sighs. He stands up and kisses my hair. “I’m sorry.”

“A little late for those words.” I sniff. I watch as he leaves, I listen as the door shits, his car door shuts and the gravel fly as he pulls out of the driveway.

I lay down on the couch, cuddle with the pillow and pull the blanket over my head.

“I hate my life.”