“He moved back in?” I’m sitting in this small café drinking a mocha latté with JC and he’s telling me something I truly didn’t want to hear. I just need to change the subject. “How’s the nose?”

He touches it and smiles. “He apologized.”

I nod and play with my food on my plate in front of me because I’m feeling... I don’t know exactly what it is I’m feeling. But I do know it’s bad. This coffee cake isn’t tasting as good as I thought it would right about now. All thanks to the wonderful JC Chasez.

Thanks JC.

“That’s nice of the asshole.”

“Lauren.” He sighs. It’s the sigh that I hate. The one where you know that the person is disappointed in you. I hate that.

“Don't Lauren me Jace. He is an asshole. A jackass to be precise.” My eyes lock with his and he smiles softly and takes my hand.

“Don’t do this. Don’t act like you don’t love him.” He lets go of my hand after kissing it lightly. “How’s the new fling doing?”

“Michael is not a fling. It’s getting....” My head goes down and I whisper the last word. “Serious.”

“What?” he laughs softly. “What did you say?”

“I said.” I sigh. “It’s getting serious.”

“Whoa.” He holds his hands up and sits back. “I would have never guessed pretty premed boy would get so far with you so fast.”

“What are you implying? That I’m easy?” my brows raise. Don’t go there JC.

“Did I say that? No.” He shakes his head. “I better go before i get punched by you.” He laughs as he stands up and reaches in his back pocket for his wallet.

“No.” I shake my head after taking my last bite of the coffee cake. “I got it.”

“Stop.” He laughs. “It’s on me. I asked you out here and I’m paying. That’s that.”

“That’s that.” I mimic and laugh as I walk with him to the counter. “Breakfast was good.” I nod to the woman.

“I’m glad you liked it.” She smiles back and hands JC his change.

“Ready?”

I take a deep breath and sigh loudly. “Ready.”

Ready as I’ll ever be to face reality.

“Theresa.” I groan as I lay her down and grab her hands. “Stop that.” All I’m doing is trying to change her diaper and she’s throwing a fighting fuss. Women.

“Need some help?” Britney smiles as she leans against the doorframe.

I look up at her with eyes full of pity. “Please.”

She walks in with a smile and pcks her up and places her on the chair and changes her in two seconds flat. “There.” She hands her back to me. She’s now smiling and all kisses and hugs. Go figure.

“How’d you do that?”

She shrugs with a smile as she walks out of the room. “She doesn’t like the floor.”

I sigh and look at Theresa in my arms and laugh. “Doesn’t like the floor.” I shake my head and get up and sit on the chair. “How about some cartoons?”

It’s been another month without Lauren in my life. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t miss her. That I don’t care if premed pretty boy has moved in. I’m not going to sit here and say that I don’t love her anymore because I’d be a damn fool.

Who could ever forget her?

She’s someone in my life who has made a world of a difference in me. I don’t think I’d be where I am today without her. When I was scared and lonely on the tour bus at night I’d call her and she’d talk to me and we’d fall sleep and she’d be right there with me in the morning. It was like she was right beside me in bed, holding my hand.

But now she isn’t here to hold my hand anymore and that kind of scares me. There’s going to be more obstacles ahead, and I’m not sure if I can jump the hurdles without her telling me they’re there and to jump.

I don’t think I can jump them on my own.

But at this moment in time. I’m focused on Theresa. She knows me as her father. She knows me as the person who puts her to sleep at night, the person who sings her lullabies and holds her tight. There person who picks her up when she falls.

I’m always thee for her.

But who’s going to be here for me?

I dropped my keys ten times before I even got close to the front door. This is my house and for some reason I’m scared to death of it. maybe it’s all the memories. Maybe it’s the fact that I just learned that Justin moved back in with Britney. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re both moving on and it’s just not me anymore.

No one is holding anyone back anymore, and for the longest time I thought that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be free from all the craziness.

If that’s so true, then why do I feel so empty without him nearby?

I place my keys on the counter and sigh as I open the fridge. “Mike?”

“Living room.”

I nod. Always in the living room, always studying for a test, or watching TV. I walk in and to my surprise there’s a table with candles and a dinner for two. He’s dressed in a black tuxedo and he holds out a bouquet of red roses. I smile and take them and smell their fragrance.

They smell good.

“What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion.” He smiles and holds my chair out for me. I slowly sit down in it and smell the food. Mexican. Oh, Mexican. My favorite food.

“Thank you.”

He smiles and sits across from me. “Don’t get too emotional there. I didn’t cook it.”

I laugh softly and wipe at my eyes. This is so unlike him. We begin to eat, making small chit chat and relaxing. Before I know it it’s four o’clock. “I need to go.”

“Gallery?”

I nod. “Marissa needs help. It’s been open for two weeks and it’s been doing great. I love my work. Just as much as you love your work.”

He nods and stand up and kisses my forehead. He reaches in his pocket and slips something into my hand. I look at it and smile. A charm bracelet. “It’s beautiful.”

How much I think... I love him.

I think I love him....

“I know it’s not as good as diamond earrings but....”

“It’s perfect.” I smile and take him into my arms and show him exactly how much I love it.

So I’m shifting through some of Britney’s clothes. Trying to find an old sweater I left here years ago. I’m kind of cold and I know I can’t leave Theresa unattended. And Briyney went out to meet someone for lunch. So I’m stuck. I’m freezing my ass of, watching a kid and I’m miserable.

And I miss Lauren.

I sigh with aggravation and kick the drawer and it falls out and clothes spill all over the floor. Great, good going Timberlake. Nice mess. Now I have to clean it up. I listen for Theresa on the baby monitor and sigh a sigh of relief. She’s still asleep. I pick up the drawer and turn it over and begin to fold the clothes and place them inside. I get down to the last three shirts and something brown catches my eyes.

I pick it up and look at it. Who would have a huge brown envelope in their shirt drawer?

Apparently someone trying to hide something.

To open or not to open? That my friends, is the question.

Open it.

I slice it open with my finger and dump the contents on the floor. There’s pictures. Some of me. some of some guy and some of Britney.

But what’s really interesting is the one large picture of Britney and a man in the back seat of a car. Then there’s the fact of a birth certificate with my last name on it.

My jaw sets as I look at the first and middle name.

Lucy, you have some explaining to do.