I roll out of bed around eight and get dressed and tell the hotel I’m leaving so they can clean the room. Not like there’s much to clean. I hope into the car and head towards my mom’s to get Theresa.

I’m going to have to child proof my house. I don’t even know if there’s food there. And what’s there is probably stale and moldy as hell. I never did like living there. I just got it so I could says, ‘yeah I got a house a twenty-five million dollar house’ But it’s not as good as it seems.

I pull into the driveway and turn off the engine and just sit and think about everything. How everything is so screwed up. It’s all fucked up. Everything.

I sigh and get out and walk to the door. I know it’s unlocked because my mom gets up at like, the crack of dawn. So I know it’s unlocked. I go inside and place my keys on the side table.

Funny how that reminds me of Lauren.

“Justin?”

I look up at half smile and she takes me into her arms.

Having her hold me is taking the pain away. But I know as soon as she lets go, it’ll be back.

Full force.

So... I spent my whole night curled up beside the door in the bathroom.

And I thought about all this. I know it can’t be solved with an ‘I love you’ and a ‘I’m sorry’ So truthfully, I don’t know how I’m going to repay him. How I’m going to take the pain away.

But I do know where I could start.

Myself.

I’m not happy. I have this wonderful house, the gallery, a thousand business offers coming in by telephone and mail everyday. A nice boyfriend and a great pooch.

And I’m down right depressed.

Because even with all this I know there’s no doubt in my mind that I’d give it all up to have Justin with me.

It’d all be gone, just like that.

Just like that.

“So she lied to you? And then you found a picture of...” She closes her eyes adns ighs. “Oh Justin.”

My eyes lock with the carpet and I nod. “Yeah.” I clear my throat and smile softly. “So how’s Tessa?”

“She’s an angel.” She smiles. “She has your eyes and hair.”

I nod and I can’t help but feel my heart break. Because this is so fucked up. Everything around me is in flames and it’s burning to the ground and the only person I can truly save is Myself and my daughter.

Everyone else will just have to burn.

It’s either one way or the other. I look into my mothers eyes and sigh. I find comfort there, and I know no matter how old i am I’m still her baby in her eyes. And I truly need that right about now.

A mothers love.

She frowns and takes me into her arms and I sigh and she tells me to lay down and I do, and my head is in her lap and her hand is grazing softly over my head.

“Everything is going to be all right.”

And I truly wish I could believe those words.