It´s bleak.
It´s cold.
And my heart is just killing me.
No one has heard any news and I keep thinking about my dream. Lynn is sitting beside me holding my hand and I´m staring at the wall clock above Lance´s head.
I just can´t do this. I can´t be here. I have to... I have to get away.
I stand up and so does Lynn. I shake my head as tears fill my eyes. She gives me a hug and I hug her back, sort of.
I sniff back my tears and shove my hands into my pockets and walk away from the group, Justin's group, in the waiting room.
I usually visit the maternity ward. Just to see the baby´s. Just to see something so innocent. Something so sweet and pure. But even that won´t comfort me now. I know it won´t.
I don't know how I ended up in the hospital chapel. But I did, and I sit in the front row and lower my head in pray.
"Dear lord. I know we don´t talk much. I know I´ve said some pretty bad things about you in the past. But this isn´t about me. This is about Justin. You can´t take him. You just can´t." I cry. "Because I need him. I don´t care how selfish that sounds. But I need him. I love him and I need him to forgive me. I... I can´t live this rotten life without him here. I can´t live without his smile and his voice."
I rock back and forth and cry. "Because I know he loves me. He.... I was so afraid to open up to him. I was afraid of what would happen. I was afraid of love. but I know that you have to surrender to it to truly understand the glories of it. Please." I cry. "Please don´t take him from me."
I sit quietly and listen to the music in the background. Because, there's nothing I can do. i prayed. I talked. But I can´t talk anymore.
I´m done with talking.
Talking gets you no where.
<i>
What if I told you, it was all meant to be.
Would you be believe me
Would you believe.
It´s almost that feeling.
We may be fooled.
So tell me that you don´t think I´m crazy.
When I tell you that love has come here and now....
A moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime.
For a moment like this.
Some people search forever.
For that one special kiss.
Oh, I can´t believe it´s happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime,
for a moment like this.</i>
Memories of Justin and I flash through my mind as the song plays on. I´m no the kind of person to think it was fate who played this song. But I truly think it is this time. No one could ever prove me wrong.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like a special first kiss. Mine was with Justin when we were twelve. We were both so shy. So scared.
We clicked teeth and we both laughed about it and tried again.
And it worked.
And I´m not sure if he felt sparks. But I sure did. I knew he was the one for me. I just knew.
From that moment on. EWven if we were just twelve years old. I knew. I knew there would be no one else in the world that could make me feel so alive like he did. He made me feel loved.
Like I was something special.
I stand up and smile up at the picture of Jesus on the cross. "Thank you."
"You´re welcome."
I shriek and turn around.
JC.
"Is he...?"
"He´s bad." he sighs. "I had someone slip in the song."
I don´t want to hear that. Either part. Don´t want to hear it.
I nod and lick my lips. "Can we see him?"
"Yeah." He nods. "Lynn is in there."
"Can I...? or do I have to...?"
"Go ahead." He walks me to the room and I smile softly as he walks away. I slowly open the door and watch as Theresa gives him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He´s sleeping.
Sleeping soundly, I might add.
Snoring to be precise.
"Hi."
I look at Lynn and smile softly. "Hi." I sigh and look at Theresa. "Can I?"
"Sure." she gives the little girl to me and I hold her in my arms and sit in the chair beside Justin. "That´s your daddy isn´t it?" I ask her softly.
I hear the door shut softly and I look and Lynn is gone. I sigh. I´m all alone with Justin and Theresa. "I know." I sigh as she starts to cry. I cling her tight to me and cry along with her. "I know."
I look at Justin as she continues to cry on. But I´m rocking back and forth, and it´s starting to soothe her. My chin quivers at the pale look that is him now.
He looks so bad.
I wipe at a stray tear and sigh as I kiss Theresa's head. She´s asleep. Just like that. I get up and walk to the door. Lynn stands up and walks towards me and takes her from my arms and walks away without saying a word. I turn around and walk back into the room.
Now it´s just Justin and I.
Lauren and Justin.
The way it should be.
I take his hand and kiss it softly. It´s so cold. He´s cold. I take the extra blanket from the table and cover him up. I sit back down and sigh loudly. "I know we fought." I whisper. "I know we fight. But I still love you." I lick my lips and a tear falls and hits his hand and I wipe at it with my thumb softly.
"But I need you. I just need you here with me. Right here with me. I need you." I cry softly. "Theresa needs you too. She needs a dad. I mean, who´s going to take care of her if you leave us? Sure enough Britney would have the rights to take her." I shake my head. I´m not good at this.
I feel obligated to say my final goodbye here and now.
I cry softly as I stand up and crawl into the ed beside him, laying my head on his chest. "What if I told you, it was all meant to be. Would you be believe me?" I sniff back my tears. but it´s useless. My sobs are rocking my body. "I love you." I close my eyes and take a fist full of his shirt. "I love you and you can´t leave me. Not like this." I turn my head and cry into his chest.
"Not like this."
Number of reviews: 110
Print:
Chapter or Story