I sit and watch him. I watched him all night. Waiting and praying for him to wake up. "Want something to eat?" I look up at the burse and shake my head. she places the tray in front of me anyhow. I smile softly and turn towards Justin once more and sigh. "It´s going to be awhile."
"What?" I turn back to her.
"He´s on heavy meds, honey. It´s going to be awhile."
"Is he ever going to wake up..."
"I can´t answer that." She smiles softly and pats my shoulder and walks away. I sigh and turn back to Justin.
"We need to show them you can wake up. Wake up please." I tilt my head to the side and sigh as I look at him. He´s gotten paler over the night.
That can´t be good.
That can´t be good at all.
Lynn went home after I had gave her Theresa. She deserved some sleep anyhow. Me. I deserve to stay awake. I treated him horribly. I deserve all of this. If he dies... I close my eyes and slowly open them. I pray that I´ll see him smiling at me with those bright blue orbs.
But faith is gone and the only thing that is left is chance.
And is chances aren´t good.
The door opens and I turn and smile softly. "Hi. How was your night?"
"About as good as yours. she kept waking up. Crying." she shook her head. "She knows her daddy isn´t there and she cries."
"We all cry." I whisper. "Can I?"
"Sure." She hands me Theresa and I kiss the little girl´s forehead and sigh. I love this child as if she was my own. Only if...
His hand moved.
His fucking hand moved.
"Lynn." I point to Justin. "His hand."
Come on baby. Do it again.
But it doesn´t move. I sigh. "I though I saw it move."
"His hand?" She asks softly.
I nod. "Yeah. But I must be seeing things." I sigh.
I´m fucking delusional.
But my hopes are low. And I want any sign. Any sign at all.
There´s beeps.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
And that´s how you know where you are. Because no pager sounds like a fucking hospital monitor. And I want to open my eyes. But they´re so fucking heavy. I can hear voices. Can´t tell who they are. But I can hear them.
I feel so tired. And I´m fighting drowsiness to stay... I´m not awake. So what am I? Conscious?
I move my hand and I try to say something. but mouth sdoesn´t move.
"Lynn. His hand."
Lauren?
I move my finger once more.
The voices are blurred. But there´s only one thing I can hear clearly. "Yeah. But I must be seeing things."
Don´t give up on me so easily Lauren.
Please don't give up on me.
And that´s the last thing I remember before I fall back into a heavy sleep.
The doctor came in and started to take him off of the meds slwoly around noon. He said he should fully be off of them by four. So by eight he should wake up.
But only time could tell.
Time is what we´re running short of.
Time is what we really don´t have.
Every second he gets farther away.
Every minute he gets paler.
Every hour that passes, I get more scared.
I sigh as Lynn takes Theresa out to lunch. "Want to come?"
I shake my head and continue to stare at him. I´m praying that he wakes up. I´m praying that his eyes open and he laughs at me for worrying so much.
I need to hear his laugh.
So bad right about now.
They´re finally open.
My eyes are open. But I can´t move. Every muscle in my body aches so bad right now. And flashes flash through my mind and I remember why I´m here. How I got here was another story. I turn my head and it seems like forever before I see anyone.
She´s sleeping soundly in the chair. All curled up with tear streaked cheeks. And I want to call out to her. I want to say I love you and that i was wrong. But my mouth doesn´t move and I can´t make a noise.
So I guess it will just have to stay within me for right now.
Her eyes open slowly and she turns to look at me and quickly gets up and sits on the side of my bed, taking my hand and kissing it softly. "Your awake."
No. Really?
"I love you so much." She smiles and leans down and kisses my cheek. I want to reply. I want to say I love you too. But nothing happens. Nothing at all. "Can you speak?" I blink twice. "Once for yes twice for no, okay?"
I blink once. "Okay. Can you speak?"
I blink twice.
She sighs. "I´m going to go get the doctor." She stands up.
I quickly blink twice. "Justin." She sighs. "I have to. I´ll be right back."
And she´s gone.
We walk back inside the room. All of us. Lynn, Theresa, JC, Joey, Lane, and Chris. We´re all here to say we love him. all at once. All thankful that he woke up. "Justin can you hear me?"
I squeeze through everyone and sit beside him. "Once for yes and twice for no. Okay?"
He blinks once.
I smile. "Go ahead doctor."
"I suppose you can hear?" He smiles softly.
he blinks once.
"You can´t move at all?"
He blinks twice.
"What about talking?"
He rolls his eyes and blinks twice.
"Okay." He nods and smiles softly. "I´m going to prescribe you some water and time."
He starts to walk out and i kiss Justin quickly and follow. "So he´s okay?"
"Far from it. But we´ll see what tomorrow brings."
"Tomorrow? Dr. O. I mean.... If these are his last..."
"I don´t think it is."
I sigh. "Do you know for certain?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "No one knows for certain Miss Lauren."
"It´s Lauren. Not miss." I shake my head and sigh. "I just want to take him home."
"You´ll get your chance."
"You just said nothing was for certain!" I exclaim huffily.
"I know." He sighs. "okay. Here´s the thing. He had a full fledged heart attack. That can cause some serious problems with his fixed atria."
"Like what?" I ask softly.
"His whole heart could shut down. Or he could have a stroke."
"But if his heart shuts down that means..." I cover my mouth and my knees buckle and Dr. O catches me just in time before i hit the ground.
And all is black.
Number of reviews: 110
Print:
Chapter or Story