That whole day was a complete blur to me. We all waited in the waiting room for hours, waiting for someone to tell us something. Anything. Because your imagination can get the best of you. And you fear can literally choke you up.
"You okay?"
I turn to JC and shake my head. I can´t talk. It hurts to talk. It hurts to think. It hurts to feel anything. My eyes well up with tears. "He..." A single tear falls and lands on my hand and I stare at it. "He just collapsed."
"Hey," He takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly and kisses my head. "It´s going to be okay."
"Okay?" I ask as I look up at him. I stand up and grab my purse. "Nothing is ever okay." I cry as I walk away. I pray that no one follows me because I just need to be by myself. Dr. O runs past me and I turn quickly and follow him. "Dr. Onchez!"
He turns his head and looks at me and stops. I catch up to him and he looks me dead in the eye. "We have to perform emergency surgery, Lauren. I can´t talk right now."
"Is he going--"
"I can´t talk." He runs off and I´m left standing alone.
This isn´t a defining moment that everyone talks about. This isn´t a moment in my life that I literally break. Because I just can´t I´m already broken. I´m torn.
"Lauren." I look up from the floor and run to her. I hug her tightly and she hugs me back. "I just heard." She sighs as she lets go and looks me over. "How about something to eat?"
So we´re in the cafeteria. Most hospital foods are just disgusting. But Marissa didn´t want to take me farther away from her. Besides, she knew I wouldn´t leave the hospital. Not until I got some kind of word from Dr. O. "What happened?" She asks softly.
"I had just gotten off the phone with Britney."
"She called you?"
I nod. "She wanted to talk to Justin but he wasn´t there and she asked to talk to Theresa and I placed the phone to her ear and she pushed it away." It´s like I´m reliving it all over again. It´s all so clear and fresh.
I take a deep breath and sigh. "I hung up on her because Tessa pushed the phone away from her. I kissed Theresa's forehead and walked into the kitchen and saw Justin's car in the driveway." Tears roll from my eyes.
"He was stumbling down the sidewalk as if he was drunk. But I thought he was just playing a joke on me. Then he... just fell over."
Silence overwhelms us both as we sit the facing each other. her looking at me and me looking at my plate of half eaten food. "I thought he was still joking but after a minute he never moved and I ran out towards hi, leaving the door wide open. Not even thinking about Theresa. All I could think was. This can´t be it. This can´t be the last time I´m going to see him." I sniff and wipe at my tears. My head slowly lifts to look at her.
"Theresa walked out the door in her walker and it fell over on the sidewalk and she started to cry and I rushed to her and picked her up. I rushed into the house and placed her in her playpen and grabbed the phone and raced back outside by Justin´s side and called 911."
Marissa´s hand overlaps mine and I look at it. Her nails manicured nicely. Her skin so smooth and new. "The ambulance came and I grabbed Theresa and went with them in the van. I remember watching them and listening to the flat line." My lip quivers and tears spring from my eyes. "And I remember seeing his body jump when they used the shocking system on his chest..."
She stands up and sits beside me and takes me into her arms and I cry on her shoulder. "He was so pale Marissa. He was so pale and lifeless." I cry, my sobs rocking my body fiercely. "And I... I kept thinking that. This is it. This is goodbye. He´s.. he´s gone forever."
"He´s not." She soothed. "He´s tough. He'll fight this."
"His heart just gave out on him." I cry. "he wasn't breathing or moving a muscle and I just couldn´t do anything but stare because..." I close me eyes. "Because I kept thinking of all the times he said he loved me. All the times he kissed me or did something sweet that was just him."
We sit there in silence for awhile as I continue to cry on her shoulder. "Where´s Theresa?"
I sniff and wipe at my tears. "I called Lynn as soon as we got here. Theresa is with Lynn." I sniff.
She sighs and plays with my short hair tenderly and we sit in silence.
That is until Lance comes in.
They say there's nothing they can do. They say he has tonight and that´s all. They say he won´t live to see tomorrow. I don´t know how anyone is suppose to react to that news. Lynn is crying and everyone is quiet. And all I can say is. "Can I see him?"
Dr. O nods and I walk past everyone else and step into the room. Everyone has to collect themselves. I´ve collected myself nicely over lunch. He shuts the door as I enter and I stand thee looking at him.
There's thousands of tubes connected to him. Thousands of wires helping him breath and live. I slowly walk towards him and crumble to my knees beside the bed. I take his hand and kiss it softly and lay my head on the bed and cry. "This can´t be our goodbye." I cry.
"It´s not..." I look up and he´s smiling softly. "Hey."
I wipe at my eyes and stand up and hug him and kiss his cheek. "I love you." my chin quivers.
"Don´t cry." he whispers and reaches up to wipe at my tears. "Please." He asks softly.
I nod and wipe at my tears. "Okay."
"I love you."
I smile softly and lean down and kiss his lips gently. That might be or last kiss.
This will be our last kiss. Our last time to talk. Our last time to say we love each other. "Why?"
"God works in mysterious ways." He coughs and I panic." Easy." He sighs. "It´s okay. I´m still here."
"They say you only have tonight." I can´t help it. I still cry. He can´t make me promise not to cry. Because that´s inevitable.
"I say I want to spend it with you." I can tell his eyes are water just by the look he´s giving me. its´ so full of love and devotion. "I´ve always loved you."
I cover my mouth and tears spring to my eyes. "I´ve always loved you." I sniff.
"Marry me." he sniffs.
"Always." I smile softly. "Always."
So we got married. The priest came in and my family and friends surrounded us. Trace flew in on the red eye and was my best man. Marissa was her bride's maid and my mom was right thee between us both.
Everyone as crying. But I´ve had enough of all the tears and heart ache. "stop." I smile. "stop the crying. This is a happy day. I´m getting married." I smile.
They nod. But they still cry.
The ceremony was over in a half hour and everyone said their goodbyes. Never knowing how right they were. My mom was last as she hugged me tightly. I could feel her hot tears on my neck. "I love you mama."
She blinks furiously trying to clear the blurred vision from her eyes. "I love you too pumpkin." She kisses her fingers and presses them to my cheek and I smile softly. "Bye sweetie."
"Be careful." I whisper as she walks out the door. I turn and face Lauren and see her in the far corner crying softly. "Come here." i open my arms up to her and she comes and lays down in my arms and cries. "I love you so much. And you just made me the happiest man alive."
She sniffs and nods. "I can´t let you go." she sobs. "I can´t."
I hold her tighter and sigh as I kiss her head. I don´t want to let go of her either. I don´t want to but I have to. "I know." I sniff back my own tears and kiss her hair. I take a deep breath and smell the essence that is Lauren and close my eyes.
This will be my last time holding her. This will be my last time kissing her and telling her how much I love her. "I don´t want to leave either."
She sniffs and cried harder and I hold her tighter. "I love you so much Lauren. Words can not express."
Silence overtakes us and we know there's no more words that either of us can say.
But goodbye.
And goodbye is the hardest thing for anyone to comprehend.
Or say.
Goodbye Lauren. I sniff and sigh as I kiss her head. I love you so much.
And I fall asleep to her cries of pain.
Number of reviews: 110
Print:
Chapter or Story