I yawn for the millionth time and Justin smiles softly and nods towards the door. I shake my head but he persists me with his eyes. We’ve been spending every moment of every day with each other for five days straight. Staying up late at night talking and looking at the stars. Those four days without him were hell on me, and he confessed to me last night they were hellish torture on him too.
I stand up with what energy is left in me and slowly walk to the door. His hand is on the small of my back as we step outside. “You holding up?”
“I’m about to fall over with exhaustion.” I yawn once more and stop to lean against his chest.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. “How about a couple hours of rest?”
We’re standing in the middle of the hospital hall holding each other and smiling. People would think we just got married or something. “That sounds like heaven.”
He smiles and takes my hand and we walk out the door to the car. The ride is silent, and neither of us minds at all as the radio plays softly in the background. I swear this rain hasn’t quit since I found out about my mom having a brain tumor. I turn to Justin and tell him so.
“God’s crying.” He has this wishful far away expression on his face and the smile comes to mine just by looking at him. I haven’t seen that look in a long time. I won’t say when the last time was either. Ahem.
He turns to me and takes my hand as he stares out the road. “My grandmother told me this story when I was five.” His granny is so cool too; she bakes anything he wants, because he's her baby. And nothing could change that. “She said when bad things happen and the pain pours own. That’s god showing he cares. He’s showing you the pain he feels by crying tears from heaven.”
My eyes water but I blink the tears back. “That’s beautiful.” I whisper.
We pull into the driveway and the rain let loose as soon as I opened my door. No Justin had gotten out and half way to the house. But I was grabbing my purse, pop, and a CD to take in. And just as I opened the door the skies let loose with cold wet rain that poured down in bundles.
I literally had a waterfall in my backyard.
Finally when I reached the door Justin was laughing so hard I thought he would have a heart-attach, or at least a small one.
I slap his chest numerous times while laughing. He chuckles so funny too. It’s like he eh eh he, or whatever. It’s just funny to listen to him. Suddenly everything’s quiet and I brush my hair out of my eyes only to have it come back. Justin’s hand reaches out and strokes it away softly.
And I know what’s coming.
He leans in slowly asking permission with his eyes. I don’t have to say a word because I want this as much as he does.
It’s been awhile.
Finally our lips meet and I’m blown away. I always am. Where he found the talent to do those things with his tongue and---whoa. I sigh with happiness as he leans back slowly. “You okay?”
“Wonderful.” I smile brightly as I place my hand behind his neck and drag him back down for another.
Yeah, purely, wonderful.
It’s five in the morning and my cell phone is ringing and it’s driving me insane. “Laur, can you get that?”
“It’s your phone.” She grumbles.
I sigh and reach out to the stand. Flipping it open I push the little telephone symbol. “Hello?”
“Take it somewhere else.” Lauren complains beside me.
“Fine.” I fling the covers back and walk out to the bathroom, because frankly, I have to piss. “Hello?”
“Was that Lauren?”
“What do you want Chris?”
“I ran out of beer.”
I sigh and flush the toilet. “So? How is that my problem? And do you realize WHAT TIME IT IS?” I yell and immediately regret it. Lauren is not the happiest person on earth at this time of hour.
I know from experience.
“JUSTIN SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
“Okay.” I pop my head in the door and smile. “Sorry.”
“Go away before I take your dick and shove it down our throat.”
Her eyes held a fire I’ve missed seeing over this past month or so. “I’m going downstairs.”
“Go.” She grabs the pillow I was using and throws it at me. I quickly shut the door before it hits me.
I laugh softly and apologize to Chris. “Seriously, what do you want?”
“How’s she holding up?” His voice is laced for concern.
“She’s doing okay. She blew up at me about a week ago, which I think helped.”
“Yeah.” Its silent n his end and I don’t remember a time where we’ve talked about something so serious before. “So what does she have?”
“Brain tumor.”
“Can't the like, do surgery?”
I shake my head. “Not where’s it’s located at.”
“Deep.” He sighs.
“Yeah.” I nod. It is. It’s the truth.
“Justin?”
“What?” I gave up on getting any more sleep this morning. All thanks to my buddy Chris. Ah, I love him.
I love him to death.
“Are you two like... an item again?”
“No Chris.” I shake my head. “It’s... complicated.”
“Complicated. I remember the last time you two dated--”
“Goodbye Chris Get some res. And don’t cal at this time any more or in the words of Lauren. ‘I’ll take your dick and shove it down your throat’” I laugh.
“She said that?” His voice is full of amazement. Everyone around her thins she’s a perfect angel.
HA! Yeah right.
“Goodbye Chris.” I sigh as I hang up and walk back upstairs. I slowly en the door and pick up the pillow off the floor and crawl back in bed with her. She turns towards me and her eyes pop open.
“Morning.”
I smile as I caress her cheek softly. “Good morning.”
“Who was on the phone?” Her hand reaches out and touches my fuzz that’s growing on my head again.
“Just Chris.”
She nods. “What did he want?”
“To know how you were dong. He’s sweet like that.” I’m teasing her and she knows it.
“Yeah.” She sighs. “What was all the kissing about last night? I thought we made a deal?”
“We’re not together.” I shrug. “You wanted a kiss and so did I.”
She frowns. “It’s never that simple, and you know it.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Chris brought up the last time we dated and--”
“I don’t want to relive it.” Her eyes blink rapidly and I stare at her intently. I think she's going to cry.
I thought she had gotten over that.
“What is it?” I don't dare touch her because she’s like a bomb waiting to go off anymore.
It’s her hormones I think.
“You hurt me Justin.” She was playing with the fabric of the sheet but she’s looking at me now. Those intense blue eyes are killing me.
Killing me you hear? Killing me!
“I’m sorry. I ne--”
“Don’t say never. Don’t say you never meant for it to happen. You broke it off with me because of Britney and then Britney dumped you. And you came crawling back and what did I say Justin?” I don’t answer her and she pushes my shoulder. “What did I say?”
I lick my lips nervously. “That we should stay friends and leave the loving to...” I trail off because at that point in time her words truly hurt me. Of course at that point in time I had committed suicide. Which to this day I’m not proud of.
But young people do stupid things.
As they say, young and dumb.
Young and dumb. Yeah that was me.
“To what Justin?”
“That we should stay friends and leave loving to real lovers.”
She knows she hurt me and she’s not smiling but she’s not frowning. She’s not budging on the issue. “Maybe we spent too much time together for you to be thinking about going down that road again. I’m your friend Justin. I love you as a friend Justin. But I can’t love you like the way I loved you before. I just can't.” She shakes her head and gets out of bed. Leaving me here alone and cold.
Dear friend, I didn’t think it was possible. But I think it is.
I’m a bigger screw up that I thought.
Yeah, hi. I’m Justin Fucking Timberlake. The unbelievable screw up. Nice to meet you.
I shake my head and sigh as I fall back and look at the ceiling.
Way to go Timberlake. Way to go.
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